Chapter 52 – Mikaela
Three Weeks Later
In the ensuing three weeks, Juliette visited daily to check on my recovery, changing the dressing and administering medication where necessary. It was the only time Xavier let me out of his sight. Some nights I woke to him in my bed, jerking awake as if my movement alone kept him vigilant. I felt sorry for him and no matter how often I promised him I was okay, he didn’t give up.
“I’ve never seen so many men on the grounds before,” I commented one afternoon, looking out the living room window, glancing from one black-suited man to another.
“Xavier’s not taking any chances with Kabir still out there,” replied Mark Rutherford, the psychologist who visited me often, coming to stand beside me.
I looked at him. Like Xavier’s family and Juliette, I’d taken to this man, respecting his profession and understanding he was merely trying to help me even if I hated some of the questions he’d asked me over time.
“Why did I obey Kabir so quickly,” I asked. Xavier and I gave Mark the details of the night I got shot. Mine, however, were plagued with my feelings toward Kabir, which I never voiced in front of Xavier, leaving me feeling like I was hiding something from him.
Mark folded his arms over his chest, his usual stance when thinking and looked at me. “Have you ever read anything about Stockholm syndrome?”
“No.”
“It’s a psychological condition of someone who empathizes and, at times, identifies with their abuser and their aims. Victims, sometimes fearful of being killed, form a mental connection with their captors and begin sympathizing with them just to survive. In your case, after your mother died, and even though you didn’t want to, you unconsciously formed a bond with Kabir. You might’ve believed you loved him because he prefaced everything you learned about life with his brand of abuse and care. It’s only natural you’d respond to him, it’s your mind’s coping mechanism that is still learning the difference between him and a man like Xavier.”
I frowned, not liking the comparison. “Will I ever recover?”
He sighed. “With continued therapy, yes. However, once you learn to believe in your own strength and understand you can make decisions for yourself, it will be easier to differentiate between men like Kabir and Xavier.” He rubbed my arm lightly. “Xavier will do anything to protect you, and he can hold your hand forever, but only you can break that bond with Kabir.”
“How?”
“The answer lies deep within your conscience, and just like your fear, it can be triggered by anything or something specific. Like the bullet you took for Xavier despite responding to Kabir’s demands. You can overcome this. You need to dig deep and, with time, learn to find your feet and stand on it all on your own. Time is your best friend.”
We both turned at the sound of a soft tap on the door. Xavier stood there. His blank expression had me wondering how much he’d heard.
“Time for your meds,” he said, walking in. I’d swear the man had a calendar strapped to his wrist. He was so on time with my treatment. I smiled, nearing him. “Juliette’s in the kitchen waiting for you. I’ll join you after a quick chat with Mark.” He kissed my brow.
Nodding, I left the room. Instead of walking away, I paused outside the door, worried he’d heard my discussion with Mark and listened to their conversation.
“How is she doing?” Xavier asked.
“She’s come a long way since we first met.” There was a pause before he added, “you heard what we just discussed?”
I tensed. “Yes,” came Xavier’s response and my heart sank, hoping he didn’t think I’d kept anything from him.
“If you’re worried about Kabir’s reappearance, don’t be. She was merely questioning her reaction to him,” Mark said.
“I’m not,” Xavier replied, calming me somewhat. “You mentioned making decisions for herself. What did you mean?”
The sudden sound of movement somewhere down the corridor had me walking away toward the kitchen, wondering about Mark’s reply.
Much later, I was reading a book in the living room in front of the fire when Xavier entered with a glass of hot chocolate—a drink I’d come to love since Beth began making it for me after a disturbing nightmare one night.
