“But you ran.” I took the hand on my cheek and kissed the fingertips, remembering how lost I’d felt because I couldn’t help her then.
“Because you chased after me, I thought you were just another man who wanted to buy me.”
“Buy you?”
She nodded. “When Zarina, Kabir’s sister, asked him to let me go with her, I thought she wanted to help me. Then just after my panic attack over the whipping performance, a man offered to buy me for him and his friends. Zarina agreed, shocking me. Scared, I ran and that’s when Andrew caught me. I knew his face. I just couldn’t place him. He said he was my first, and I still didn’t remember. Zarina arrived and began talking about selling me to him. Again, I ran and bumped into you.” She inhaled a long breath.
Now, I understood why she’d bolted despite her eyes asking for help. I cursed, wishing I’d had the foresight to stop Andrew then.
“If only I’d let you help me,” she sighed.
Andrew’s name had my blood going cold again. I wanted to find out his role in her life. Clearly, it was significant. “You’re here now.” I leaned forward and kissed her brow. When she resumed resting with her back to my chest and her head against my shoulder, I decided to push her a little. “You want to tell me about the dream, Ella.”
She grasped both my hands, forcing me to drop the loofah, and brought it around her body as if seeking closer comfort. Tightening my hold, I kissed the top of her head. “I’ve got you, love.”
I felt her relax into my hold before she began speaking again. “I was eight when Master ordered Mama to get me ready to meet his guests. It was the last time we danced together, the last time I knew comfort and my age.” She raised her hand and touched the pink ribbon. “I’d seen what Kabir’s guests did to Mama. It scared me. She wanted to tie this ribbon to my hair to calm me, knowing I liked it. It was her only possession that didn’t come from Kabir.” She stopped speaking and her silent sobs echoed around us.
“Let it out, love.” I held her tight, murmuring soothing words.
It took a few minutes before she began speaking again, her voice husky with emotion. “Kabir came back before Mama could tie my hair, so she squashed it between her palms while we waited for him to enter. We always greeted him on our knees with our hands clasped in prayer to our chests and our eyes closed. We weren’t allowed to open our eyes or make a sound until he said so.” She shuddered against a memory.
I kissed the top of her head. “I’m right here.”
“When Kabir asked me to go with his guests, I struggled, screaming for Mama, begging her to save me. I kept screaming, and then, when the one man tried to drag me away, Mama broke Kabir’s rules. She opened her eyes and grabbed my hand, pulling me. My hand hurt, but I didn’t care because Mama held on.” Her body rigid with memories, her words spilled faster, matching the speed of her breaths. I knew she was reliving that moment. “Mama held on, not letting go, then the man let go, and Mama held me tight to her body. Angry, Kabir hit and kicked her, forcing her to let go. Mama didn’t want him to hurt me, so she asked him to let her calm me down. And she did, but then she whispered a secret in my ear.” Her sobs grew louder. “I refused to believe her and held on. It couldn’t be true...it couldn’t,” she mumbled repeatedly.
“What did she say?” I coaxed, trying to be as gentle as possible. Her fragility was my main concern.
She looked at me through wet lashes. “He’s my father,” her words barely audible, I watched her throat work several swallows. “Kabir is my father.” Her words registered.
My heart plummeted down to my feet. That sick fucking pervert. My teeth clenched so hard I feared they’d shatter. He fucked his daughter. How the fuck?
I just managed to rein in the curses before she rushed on again, “I cried, not letting go. Mama tried to push me away. I didn’t let go. I couldn’t. Then Mama scolded me. She never scolded me, then I moved back and.” She stopped speaking, pushing out of my embrace to sit up. Her back ramrod straight, her shoulders pulled tight.
Whatever happened at that pause was momentous and probably drew her into that earlier panic attack.
“Ella,” I said softly.
Slowly, she turned. I cursed. The horror on her face, coupled with those large round eyes filled with unconcealed fear, had me frothing at the mouth to avenge her, especially since I’d worked hard to make her forget.
Scaling back my anger, I reached forward, intending to bring her back into my embrace. She jerked away, shaking her head. Hoping it would help, I gave her space. She turned her head to look out the window. Silently, we sat for a few seconds before her eyes found mine again, her face pulled tight in pain.
“He killed her. Sliced her neck while I watched.” My chest tightened, wanting to pull her into my arms. I didn’t dare move. “Her last words, while blood rolled down her neck, was ‘I love you, Cinder.” She sobbed, twisting the wet ribbon on her wrist. “Then...” she trailed off, lifting her eyes to mine. Her pain morphed. I recognized shame first before sorrow. “They took my innocence. Four greedy men,” her breathing turned ragged, “they ate my soul, tore out my heart, broke bones, and wolfed down my virtuous flesh,” her body began to shake, “leaving nothing, no skeleton, not even a shadow. Just a walking corpse.”
Prepared to lock her down if I had to, I vaulted onto my knees, pulling her into my arms. Thankfully, she didn’t resist, but God, did she cry. Sobbing so hard, so loud against my chest, it tore through every single resilient bone in my body. I tried to hold back. Tried to give her this moment. I couldn’t. Her anguish tormented my rigidity, and I gave in. My tears fell for her and the little girl who’d lost everything in minutes.
“He blamed me,” she cried. “Said I sent Mama away.”
“Ella—”
“He blamed me,” she sobbed. “Fed her lifeless body to the rats.”
Stunned, my jaw snapped shut on her name.
“He blamed me,” her voice rose in crescendo. “Made me watch the rats tear her pretty skin to pieces.”
Fuck, no.My jaw hurt from clenching so hard.
“Said if I’d listened, Mama would’ve been alive,” she screamed, her nails biting into my chest before she reared back and eyes filled with self-hatred clashed with mine. Then she completely lost it. “I killed her. I killed Mama!” Her hands balled into fists, hammered my chest harder with each blow. “I killed her! I fed her pretty body to the rats!” she yelled over and over, her cries in sync with her pounding fists.
