“If only that day were today,” she whispered before she turned and walked.
Not much shocked me. Those words, however, left me gaping open-mouthed at her retreating frame. Admittedly, I no longer controlled my heart. For a man my age, that wasn’t an easy feat. Yet, it was slowly slipping that barrier into forbidden territory. And I didn’t just want it, I craved it.
Chapter 38 – Xavier
Pinning my bow tiein place, I secured my cufflinks and slipped on my suit jacket before leaving the room. Outside Mikaela’s door, I paused, debating whether to disturb her to say goodnight. Despite her silence at lunch today, I was under the impression she’d forgotten about our little disagreement on my return this morning. However, her absence at our planned dinner told me otherwise.
Never in my entire life had I felt this disappointed with myself for hurting someone’s feelings. Sure, I’d hurt my family without their knowledge and only because it was in their best interests. Why was I feeling this miserable when I had Mikaela’s best interest at heart?
Letting her take precedence over my decisions once more, I knocked softly. When I got no answer, I opened the door and entered. I paused just inside the room and glanced around, spying Mikaela on the bed. Approaching her sleeping form, I rested a hand on the headboard and leaned down to look at her.
On her back, with one hand over her stomach, the other curved around her head on the pillow, her dress hiked up in a slant over her upper thighs, she appeared peaceful. It would be so easy to lean closer and let my lips graze hers, to slide down next to her and let my body own hers.
My willpower waned.
One part of me said I shouldn’t. The other didn’t stop my fingers from lowering to skim her ankle. My touch light, I caressed her soft skin, gliding upward toward her knee. She moaned but didn’t wake. Her body responded, though. A subtle shudder skated over her sleeping frame, almost like she was dreaming. Goosebumps pebbled under my fingers when I stroked the bronze skin of her thighs. Even with her scars, she was pure perfection. I wished for a way to show her that, to get her to look in the mirror.
Just once.
I wanted to cave into my desire, to give into that ache consuming my thoughts. To show her how a man should touch her, to bring her the pleasure she deserved. Reality, however, tipped me into logic, reminding me that Mikaela and I would never work. Our relationship would traverse lines of forbidden to some, if not perverted to others.
She moved, and her dress rode up, giving me a glimpse of her shaved pussy—she still hadn’t adapted her body to wearing underwear. I couldn’t stop the rush of heat thrumming through my body, nor could I tame my cock from reacting. It took sheer determination to pause my fingers on her thighs, not to venture further and feel her wet heat again. To wake her up and let her know the feelings I held for her—emotions I struggled to understand.
“Fuck, love, what have you done to me?” I whispered, my face hovering above hers. Her response was a sleepy moan. Silently cursing, I straightened, turned, and walked away.
I was on the second stair when Saint came down next to me. “Where’s Mikaela?”
My steps slowed, I looked at him. When I arrived this morning, he and Levana had gone out, so I hadn’t seen them at lunch. “This isn’t the ideal ball for her.”
He stopped walking, forcing me to pause on the step below him. “You know you can’t shield her for the rest of her life. Sooner or later, she’ll ask a lot more than what’s an orgasm.” Amused, he rubbed a finger over his bottom lip. “I’d say you’ve developed the same possessiveness I have over Levana.”
“I care for her.” My heart retaliated with a firm, ‘You’re lying to yourself, Xavier.’
“No, Father. You’re in love.” Saint pulled the emotion I hid right out of my lungs.
I debated agreeing with him, then bit back the feeling. “Nonsense.” I put every effort into acting normal and continued descending the stairs. Saint’s chuckle had me turning, annoyance my ally for now.
