“Emergency back at the base, they called my unit in,” I lied, hoping he’d buy it.
He stepped forward to hug me and I thought he did until his next words said otherwise. “Where’s Skye?”
I struggled to find the right words and let out a short laugh when he stepped back. “Probably still sleeping.”
If there was one thing, I could credit my father with, despite sometimes working months away from home, was that he knew his kids like the back of his hands. “She never lets you leave without saying goodbye, Shay. What happened?”
My bottom lip between my teeth, I tried to hide my emotions behind a smile. “Nothing happened.”
Before he could say anything further, Skye’s sudden yell had us both looking up to the ledge outside her bedroom window. It was her favorite place to sit and read. “Wait,” she shouted again before darting back inside.
“You didn’t say goodbye to her, did you, son?” I tried to avoid his gaze, but he wouldn’t let me. “Sometimes all it takes is a few words to make a difference.” I looked up, trying to read the message behind his words when he added, “don’t let her forget who you are just because you think she should.” He rubbed my arm in that affectionate way he always did.
Did he know? Could he read my feelings for her? All this time I thought I’d done a bang-up job at hiding my emotions when it came to Skye. But, if Grandma, Griffin and maybe Dad too, could see them, why the fuck was I trying so hard.
Because you made a fucking promise, remember?
Skye came running out the house. Breathing hard, she dropped her hands to her knees to catch her breath. I hated how adorable she looked in pink pjs with small white bears I thought she’d given up wearing at this age. Skye Donovan, however, didn’t let anyone dictate who she wanted to be. She was beautifully simple and simply beautiful.
And you have no fucking business admiring her.
“You’re leaving?” she finally managed, straightening.
Dad walked away to chat to Jim, making me even more conscious of his words. I looked down at Skye. Red-rimmed eyes now glazed with fresh tears stared back at me, hope glimmered in her smile.
“Please don’t leave,” she whispered. When I said nothing, she stepped closer. “Why do you always run away from me.” Her words were like a nail to the coffin of my desire. “What are you scared of?” Her voice was quiet and shy.
Sometimes it’s easier to run from pain than it is to face it.
Belligerent anger knocked at my temple. Of course, she’d notice. She was seventeen, not the little girl I’d tied pigtails for and allowed to ride my back when it was too wet to go outside and play. I opened my mouth and closed it again, scared to say anything because I didn’t trust myself right now. Didn’t trust I wouldn’t bare my soul to the one person who knew me better than I knew myself. It was only a matter of time before she latched onto just what she meant to me and why I ran. I was a coward for running rather than admitting my guilt.
That I was in love with her, this time, the unbrotherly kind.
“That kiss,” she began.
A stab of shame pierced my chest. “Should’ve never happened,” I finished for her, hating that look of dejection on her face. “It was a mistake. None of that should’ve happened. It meant nothing,” the lies tumbled from my lips, intending to break her tiny heart and spare her the agony of wishing for something she couldn’t have. “I was drunk, Blue, I fucked up. You need to forget about it, like it never happened.”
I watched her fight the tears, her throat bobbing as she swallowed repeatedly but it was always her eyes that gave her emotions away, well to me at least. She was trying to act strong but like me, she was dying on the inside. “Okay,” she faltered on the word before nodding. “I won’t mention it again, ever.”
“Blue.” I inhaled on a deep breath, wishing I could just say fuck it and lay my heart at her feet.
But that wasn’t me. I didn’t break promises, ever. Besides, the town would go apeshit if they knew I almost fucked my sister. Those that knew Julie was pregnant would another man’s child when she married Dad, wouldn’t care that Skye wasn’t my real sister. In their eyes, I’d raised her as one. I’d do anything and everything to protect her against any lambasting that would come.
To the extent I’d sacrifice my heart.
Her bottom lip trembled, and she quickly blinked away tears I didn’t miss. “Can I hug you?” She hesitated, something she never did. “Please.” I knew she was remembering my rejection at her door.
Emotion clogged my throat. “Come here.” I opened my arms, and she flew into them, sobbing louder now against my chest.
“I’ll be back, I promise.” I kissed the top of her head, planning to keep my promise but only until I could come home a stronger man. Because this girl was my strength as much as she was my weakness.
“You don’t break promises, remember,” she verbalized my thoughts when she stood back. I nodded with a soft laugh. Then she withdrew something from her pants pocket and held it out. “I had this made for you.” She opened her palm. I stared down at the silver hawk pendant indented with turquoise stone and attached to a black cord necklace. “Dad once told me that in our culture, this is a symbol of protection, truth, confidence and courage. I checked and according to Native American history, the person who wears this stone isprotected from harm, especially when fighting battles.”
Our eyes connected, and I choked on that numbing ache that wouldn’t go away. Forcing my lips to widen, I leaned forward. “You want to put it on for me?” She reached up and secured it around my neck. I straightened and fingered the pendant for a moment. “Thank you, Blue, I’ll treasure it.” I tapped her nose lightly then removed my dog tags and slipped it over her head. Her eyes brightened with delight. “When you feel lonely, just talk to them.” I winked, turned and walked away from the girl I could never have a future with, leaving my heart and happiness behind with her. Because if I stayed, I’d want more.
If only we could...
