I hiccupped on a sob, the air hitching in my throat and too overcome with pain to speak, I nodded, vigorously. For just a moment his face turned blank, and fear seized my heart, squeezing so hard, I struggled to breathe. “Are you angry with me,” I found my voice even though it broke on the words.
He dropped his gaze to my hand he held then shook his head. “You told me that you did it to protect him, me, us and you also told me, you’ll tell me when the time was right, mom.”
“I did.”
He palmed my cheek, making my heart sigh at his maturity. “When we were down at the beach last week and Aunt Rose said Shay and I looked like father and son, I secretly wished he was my dad. He’s so cool and he’s taught me so many tricks with fishing, and the skateboard, and my bike. He told me he owns a horse called Bullet because he’s fast and one day he’ll let me ride him. And he can play video games. But I think he lets me win.” His excitement was delirious.
That sounded like the Shay I grew up with. I laughed through my tears, every inch of me rejoicing that my son was happy. Then I thought of Shay’s reaction and my heart stuttered for just a beat. Would he be angry that I’d kept Griffin a secret? That I’d hampered him time with his son?
“I’m so happy, baby.” I cupped his cheeks and kissed his brow. “Now, I need your help.” He frowned. “Shay’s having a nightmare and we need to wake him up, but I want you to do it. Okay?”
He was already climbing out of bed and taking my hand, he looked up. “Mom, can I call him dad instead of Shay.” Nodding, I hurried him back to Shay’s room.
When we got there, Shay was moaning but his body was still, his face however was deathly white, and he was crying. Then he reached out a hand. “Don’t leave, Griffin, please,” he pleaded between his tears. “Don’t.”
Griffin looked from him to me. “Mom?” His bottom lip trembled.
I tipped my chin. “Go on. Take his hand. Tell him you’re here.”
His steps hesitant, he walked toward the bed then glanced at me over his shoulder. At my nod, he took Shay’s hand. “I’m here,” he said softly.
“Louder, baby,” I coaxed in a gentle voice.
“It’s me, dad, it’s Griffin. I’m not leaving you, ever.” His words broke my heart, and I bit my lip, to keep from bawling out loud, my vision blurring with tears. “Wake up, dad, I’m here.”
Shay’s breathing calmed as his eyes opened. He stared at Griffin for a moment, confusion dipping his brow in deep ridges. His gaze flicked to me, down to the hand Griffin held then back to his son’s face.
“Did you hear him, Shay,” I called out, my voice unsteady. “Griffin is here. Your son is here. He’s never leaving you, ever, I promise.” My body shook with fear of his rejection or worse, anger.
Shay’s eyes jerked from me to Griffin as his pale expression morphed into realization. With a strangled sob, I wasn’t expecting, he sat up and pulled Griffin into his arms.
I watched them both cry, their sounds music to my soul, my heart in my throat before my legs gave out. I sank to my knees and dropped my face into my hands, crying for the love I felt for my brother, my lover and my son, three men I’d gladly grow old with and give my soul for.
I don’t know how long we stayed that way, it could’ve been seconds, minutes, hours but no one was counting. I’d finally found the happiness I’d searched for even if it came at Shay’s wrath, I didn’t care. This was the peace I’d craved for so long.
“Blue?” Shay’s soft call had me lifting my head. I looked at him through wet lashes not caring that snot and tears camped out on my face. For just a moment, I panicked unsure what his reaction would be. “Come here.” Leaning against the headboard, one arm around a sleeping Griffin, he held out the other.
Laughing through my tears, I scrambled to my feet, crawled onto the bed and into his arm. I cried against his chest. “Shh, baby, it’s okay.” His grip tightened around my waist before he kissed the top of my head then Griffin’s. “Thank you,” Shay whispered when my sobs quietened.
I dipped my head back to look up at him. “For.”
“My son.” He kissed a softly snoring Griffin again. “For keeping my best friend’s memory alive. For pulling me out of a nightmare I didn’t think I’d ever want to leave. For giving me you.” He kissed my brow again. “For giving me my life back. For the happiness I didn’t think possible. For closing the door of hope I’d held open for so long.”
I sighed, kissing his chest. “You’re not angry, I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“I knew, I just waited for you to tell me in your own time.”
“What?” Surprise made me sit up. “When did you find out?”
He tucked a stray strand of my hair behind my ear then tapped my nose. “My first day here, that evening after meeting you at the Red Lobster. It came to me while I sat outside your place debating whether to come see you or not. His eyes, naming him after the pact I had with Griffin, his age, it was all too glaring not to figure out.” He chuckled at my shock.
“Oh, my God, you knew all this time and I’ve been killing myself how to tell you.” I punched him playfully on his chest.
With a soft laugh, he carefully set Griffin down next to him then pulled me into his arms, cradling me like a baby. “I’d hurt you so many times before, I figured this would be my punishment. Even though I struggled and there were times I almost blurted it out, I forced myself to wait. You and Griffin were too important to me for anger to ever take up residence in my already broken soul.”
“Shay, I’m sorry about Griffin, he was such a good friend.”
He drew slow patterns on my waist before he sighed. “We were on a search and rescue mission for captured aid workers in an African jungle. It was simple, get in, scout, grab the three primaries and get out. Quick and easy. After a month of planning, we knew the escape route, vantage points and the best day to move in. The midwife wanted to bring along the three sick children who could walk. Everything went smoothly until one of the children got spooked and raced off into a thicket. Griffin warned me not to go after him, I didn’t listen. He was just kid and I followed.” I felt his body tense under me, his grip on my waist tightened and his breathing elevated.
