I smiled through the tears as she followed me inside and two seconds later, I upended the little food I’d eaten at the ritual. Even though it was good, I’d been too nervous to stomach anything.
“Here.” Eliana held out a wet towel when nothing but dry heaves wracked my body.
Taking it, I sat against the wall and put the towel over my face. It didn’t stop the tears, though and a moment later, I hurled again. Finally, spent, I flushed the toilet and stood.
“I need a quick shower.”
Eliana nodded, closed the toilet seat and plonked her ass down on it. “Go on then. I’ll be right here when you step out.” Her no-nonsense tone making me smile. When I undressed and stood under the hard spray, she asked, “you want to talk about?”
My eyes on the tiles, I thought back to that moment Saint had morphed from a man of pleasure to a monster. He made me do things I didn’t think I would and I felt like we had a connection. “Honestly, I don’t know what happened, Eli,” I said, my throat clogging with tears once more.
“Okay, lets leave it for tonight. Maybe when you’re better tomorrow, we can talk.”
Thirty minutes later, Eliana left me to dry my hair and returned with a cup of strong tea and a slice of chocolate cake. “I baked it myself.” She smiled, holding out the plate. “If it tastes bad, don’t tell me, just pretend you feel like puking again. Okay?”
My laugh light, I took the cake and tea which I drank first. Then took a bite of the cake. “It’s good. Little low on the sugar but it tastes great.”
Her face lit up. “Really?” I nodded.
We spent the next few minutes with her brushing my hair while I surprisingly, finished the cake.
****
IONCE READ THAT REJECTIONcould damage a person’s psyche far worse than if they’d been cheated on. Apparently, with cheating you were likely to recover if the right person came along and wooed you into to love once more. Whereas the deathly grip of rejection could have harmful outcomes like pain, sadness, heightened anxiety, and depressive symptoms. How true all of that was, I had no idea, but first-hand experience sucked.
Three days later, I laid on my bed looking up at the ceiling and wishing to be someplace else. I’d called Aunt Trina the morning after the ritual and had to leave a voice note. My mother’s friend was someone who came into my life when I needed the teachings of a modern woman. Even though I loved my gran, who’d passed when I was nine, she was very traditional in her upbringing. Aunt Trina visited my mother around my fifth birthday and that morning she found me under a tree reading a book. When she settled down next to me and began reading with me, I knew we’d be friends. Since then, I loved her visits.
“Lee?”
Swiping the tears from my eyes, I turned to face the door. One look at Aunt Trina’s tender smile and I burst out crying again.
“You came,” I sobbed vaulting upright and moving to the edge of the bed.
“Oh, darling.” Walking quickly to me, she sat down next to me. “Come here.” She pulled me into her arms, holding me tight. My shoulders jerking, I sobbed like a little girl against her chest. “It’s going to be all right,” she whispered against the top of my head. “Don’t take your mom’s words to heart.”
Eliana probably told her what mother had said. I sobbed harder remembering my mother’s awful rants that sounded almost like a curse. “She hates me. Why can’t I do anything right. That man...he was...so...” My throat constricted with sobs I couldn’t get the words out.
“Lee,” she sighed. “Forget about him. It was silly of your mother to send—”
“No, you don’t understand,” I cried pushing away from her embrace. Then gulping down the collecting saliva of tears, I forced the words through hiccupping sobs. “Everything was perfect. He was perfect. Then he asked me to take off the mask. I did and he turned into this vicious monster.”
Immediate concern tightened her jaw. “Did he hurt you?”
“No,” I whimpered, remembering his mannerisms that were gentle and hard at the same time. “He just asked me to get out. The worst part, I liked him, liked everything he did to me. He treated me like a beauty queen. His words...they were adoring...they made me feel special...then—” I broke off on another hiccup. “He said I didn’t belong there. It was strange, like he knew me. He asked what I was doing there,” I gabbled on, trying to make sense of his words.
“You’re a beautiful girl, darling and mark my words.” She smoothed my hair back from my face. “Someday your prince charming will ride up on his white horse, scoop you up in his arms and carry you off into the sunset,” she soothed. “He’s going to make you smile even when death takes one of you from the other. Trust me, darling, your love is going to be epic,” her words were pure honey making me all warm inside and loved. “Come, now, dry these eyes or you’re bound to frighten the poor man away, wherever he is.”
Slowly, I pulled back sniffling. Noticing the streaks of black on her white blouse, I gasped. “Oh, I’ve messed your—”
“It’s quite all right.” She shushed me, glancing down at the stain. “Nothing a little soap and water can’t fix.” Then her gaze met mine. “I’m more worried about how to fix my little snowflake.”
“I’ll be all right, I guess.” My shoulders lifted in a deflated shrug.
“Hey.” Her eyes lit up. “You remember that time when you turned thirteen and your mother wouldn’t give you money for that book you wanted?” I nodded. “You remember what we did for your birthday?
“Yes,” I perked up, swiping my eyes.
“Would you like to that thing again?”
