She narrowed her eyes, proving my first point. “I’ve known Saint before you and he’s wanted me from the moment he stepped back into our lives. Have you considered the fact that he was using you to get closer to me?”
“Oh, my God, you’re more conceited than I thought.” I shook my head. “Saint can have any woman he wants. There are plenty of girls fawning over him at school every day and no doubt out of school too, why would he want you. Why would he sleep with you?”
“Because...” she trailed off as though contemplating her choice of words. I tapped my index finger against my arm reminding her I was waiting for an answer. “Because he and I had a thing the night of our prom. It’s the reason why he and your father never spoke since then.”
My jaw dropped. “What the actual—”
“I’m guessing he never mentioned me or why he and your father stopped speaking?” Her lips curled in a cynical grin.
I wasn’t sure what hurt more. That my mother had become bitchier by the day or Saint not mentioning this part of his past with my parents before.
“If I hadn’t fallen pregnant with you, Saint would’ve married me.”
“What?” I shrieked, trying hard to pull out the sword she’d already wrenched deep into my heart with the first divulgence.
That smirk became a full-blown snarl, her eyes glittering with satisfaction. Clearly, she was enjoying my pain. We stared at each other. Me, trying to make sense of her words and she, goading me to see the bigger picture. Then I understood. Gasping, I slapped a hand to my mouth, the tears already blending a river down my cheeks.
“That’s why you hate me, don’t you? I took away your future?”
“No, silly child,” she screamed. “You stole my future with him then, and now you rub salt in my wound by fucking him right under my nose. Taunting me day and night with the knowledge he’d want a younger pussy over mine—”
“Stop it, just stop it,” I yelled, my pain giving way to anger. “I didn’t ask you to spread your legs and fall pregnant. I didn’t ask to be born to a mother like you. And I definitely didn’t ask for Saint...” the words wheezed out of me until my heart cracked with each breath, tightening my throat. I stared at the floor, realization searing every inch of skin. That was why he fucked me. Because I reminded him of my mother. “Because he’d wanted you, but he couldn’t have you without hurting dad,” I whispered out loud.
“Finally, you understand.” She moved closer. “Levana,” her voice dripped a sweetness I hadn’t heard before, but she wasn’t fooling me so quickly.
I glared at the hand she placed on my shoulder, then met her gaze with a frigid stare. “You’re just as twisted as Saint,” I ground out, shoving her hand off before I turned and walked out the room. Swiping at the blinding tears, I ran down the stairs and through the open front door. In my haste I wasn’t quick enough to stop and crashed into the figure coming up the single step.
Strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a rigid body. “Levana,” Saint whispered into the top of my head.
“Get away from me.” Not sure if it was the pain giving me strength, I shoved hard at his chest and he stumbled backward.
“Snow?” His shocked gaze met mine.
“I hate you,” I spat. “You’re despicable.” My eyes dropped to his fists clenching at his sides—an act I’d come to realize was his way of holding his emotions in check.
He reached out for me, and I stepped back. “Whatever lies she’s telling you, she’s just trying to sway you.”
“Seriously,” I mocked before everything in me broke and instead of tears, I let out the first laugh in a dismal whimper before it bellowed out in hysterics. I clutched my stomach not sure which emotion between the laughter and tears were winning until it abruptly stopped. “Did you two plan that together,” the accusation spewed out through thinned lips. “I should have known better than to trust you. Like you said before, you fuck women, not stupid little girls who can’t control their emotions, right? I was just an experiment, a means to an end—”
“Levana!” This time, I wasn’t quick enough to duck, he grabbed both my arms, his fingers digging into the flesh. His expression no longer misery, he clenched his jaw. “You’re more fucking woman than I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting before. And what fucking experiment?” he growled, shaking me. “I might stink at the whole love thing, because I’ve never had the opportunity to experience it before. But what I feel for you, what the thought of losing you does to my insides, to my heart. To my fucking mind. Is something I can’t understand, can’t fathom.”
I gasped. His words catching me of guard. “Love? You’ve never loved before?”
His hands fell to his sides as he slowly shook his head. “I don’t know how to love, baby. And God help me, if this isn’t it. Because if it were, I’d die a happy man knowing that for the first time I love a woman truly deserving of mine or any man’s love for that matter.” When Saint reached for my shoulders, I didn’t move, instead my eyes focused on the dark gray button on his black shirt as if it would give me the answers I sought. “Come back home with, Snow,” he whispered. “I don’t want us to hide any longer. I want to tell the world that you’re the only woman for me. You’re everything I didn’t know I needed, until you came into my life.”
Emotion clawed my chest, stifling my throat. My heart telling me I should trust him, believe every word that came out of his beautiful mouth. Logic, however, told me something different. I might’ve slept with Saint, knew each intimate spot on his gorgeous body but that was all I knew. He was still a mysterious man—a man with secrets. According to Aunt Trina, those kinds of men could either be liars, dangerous, or untrustworthy. Where Saint fell wasn’t something I’d explored yet. He hadn’t given me reason to before.
I needed to talk to her, she’d know what I should do. Lifting my eyes to his, I slowly inhaled, letting his scent surround me, calm me yet trusting my head to do the right thing. Walk away. “I can’t, Saint, not right now,” I whispered and felt his fingers squeeze my shoulders, more out of desperation than pain. “All this...” I clenched my fingers forcing myself to carry on. “Everything I’ve been through. With my mother. You. The uncertainty. The humiliation. The pain. The not knowing. It’s been a lot. I’m just scared, I guess.”
“Snow,” he began, the sudden hitch of his breath had me regretting my words. “I know you’re hurting, baby and I know trusting me is hard and I will let you go. Only because I won’t force anything on you, not now, not ever.” He paused, his green gaze filled with indescribable sadness, begging me to reconsider. When I didn’t respond, his shoulders visibly sagged. Then he sighed. “Walk away if you must, remember this, though. If you don’t heal from the people who truly hurt you, you’ll bleed on the people who never really wounded you.” He walked off before I had a chance to respond, every inch of me on fire, pushing me to go after him. The sudden roar of his engine put a devastating stamp of denial on my emotions.
Turning away, I dropped my face into my cupped hands and let the tears flow once more. I’d lost something before I even had a chance to find it—all in one go. Love and Saint. My shoulders shook harder as the tears fell faster, choking the air in my lungs, weakening my knees until I grabbed a wall to steady my feet.
“Levana,” the soft whisper drew my gaze.
My mother’s face came into focus through the tears blurring my vision. “What do you want?” I sneered, not recognizing the hardened hatred in my voice.
“I...I’m sorry—”
