39
SEVEN YEARS AGO
Gianna aka Lily (19 years)
“Come here doll face.”
Silence settled over the courtyard, even the birds that usually perched on the only tree to provide shade from the burning sun while we washed our clothes, flew the coop. Glancing over my shoulder, I stared at the woman I’d come to hate with a passion.Matilda Dipshit Something.
Sometimes I believed she was shunted from line to line when God was handing out body parts. While everything from her neck down looked and moved like a woman, her face was that of a man, complete with thick whiskers and bushy eyebrows.
That first month I arrived here, she’d seen me in the mess hall and immediately changed seats to sit next to me. Although I ignored her snarky comments, she’d persisted in her torment. Word was, she enjoyed intimidating newcomers until she got bored. Yet for some reason, I stayed on her radar. Either taking my food rations, forcing me to wash her clothes, or perform some chore or the other. My only saving grace was that we belonged to different blocks which meant that sometimes I went days and even a week without seeing her.
Seven months, I’d put up with her. Today, I was just too tired for her bullshit. With another three weeks to go before I delivered my baby, my stomach looked like I swallowed a watermelon. My feet, my back, my head, every freaking thing hurt. Nobody said pregnancy was this painful. Okay, not like I had a ton of teachers on the subject. I was grateful my roommates had shared their blankets with me but sleeping on the floor didn’t help.
“What do you want?” I grunted, without thinking.
Shocked murmurs floated over the open space. So far, I’d always been the meek one, listening, doing what others asked only because I was shit scared of getting into an argument or worse being stabbed in the heart with the shiv while I slept. I’d seen some of the fights—they put men to shame.
Turning fully to face her, my eyes widened in horror as she jumped off the waist-high wall she sat on. Her face contorted in an ugly sneer, she shoved aside the ladies in her way and charged toward me. I had only a moment’s notice to react before her leg shot out and I ducked. But I wasn’t quick enough. Her foot connected with my shoulder and my back hit the wall. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, trying to protect it, but it was no use. Matilda grabbed me by the hair and threw me to the ground. I landed on my side, but she went wild.
Hands, feet, fists, heels, knees, it all rained down on me. Screaming, I curled into a ball trying to protect my stomach, but she stomped, jumped, punched.
“Please...stop,” I yelled, cried, begged. I’d unleashed a monster. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. Pain streaking across every inch of skin, of muscle. “Please,” I whispered, over and over. My sobs went unheard. Kick after kick. Punch after punch. I felt it, every single one. My back, shoulders, head, thighs, ankles. Each blow tore through me, deeper than the previous one, ripping me, piece by piece. Another scream filled my ears blanketing my agonizing groans as her foot connected with my lower back.
Through it all, I still held on to my stomach, protecting my baby, letting the rest of my body bear the brunt of her wrath. But I knew I wouldn’t hold much longer. I was in a burning hell, a degradation of no escape. I could feel my breath slipping as the air stagnated in my throat. I could see the white spots dance behind my lids as my strength waned. I could smell the piss and blood as it left my body in humiliation. I could hear my sobs for help, but no one came. And I could sense my end was near. My body torn from its soul, my belief in miracles ripped to shreds, my muscles lamenting their agony.
Then came the final blow, one I knew would kill me...perhaps not physically but mentally. The kick to my stomach exploded with such force, the scream tore from my lungs echoing through the halls in a terror-stricken resonance, no woman present would forget. And Matilda took from me, the one thing that had given me the will to survive.
My baby.
I felt it. The warm gush of blood poured from my body, seeping through my clothes. All I could do was lie there and let her go...let my baby go...let the word ‘mama’ be nothing more than an imagination...let my spirit die with her...let my innocence become my ultimate weakness.
“What the fucks wrong with you, Matilda. You, stupid bitch,” a woman’s voice shouted. “Someone, get a fucking stretcher and a fucking doctor. “Hey, Lily.” Warm hands gripped my trembling hand. “It’s going to be all right.”
“Mom,” I whispered, trying to open my eyes, but Matilda’s fists had no mercy, leaving my eyes swollen shut. Regardless, I felt only fear...of losing my baby, nothing else.
That warm palm caressed my cheek, the touch tender, caring. “Shh, don’t move,” that voice, smooth, sweet, magical...my savior.
My breathing labored, every inch of me wailing with agony. And then another type of pain...this was different. It hit me right in the middle of my stomach, banding all the way around to my lower back then down into my core. I felt it pull, felt it push. It tore through me. I cried. I screamed. Wave after wave of pain kept coming and coming. I couldn’t stop it. Couldn’t control it. I was helpless, at its mercy.
“She’s bleeding out,” my savior bellowed.
“My baby...please...save him,” I cried against the pain of my heart and my body.
“Shh,” my savior whispered.
Hands, lots of hands. I felt them lifting me, carrying me, and then heated whispers...beeps...soft sounds. I couldn’t see, my eyes burning, unfocused, hazy when I tried.
Then the clang of metal on metal filled my ears like a warning bell. “I need you to listen to me, Lily.” I knew that voice...faces defeated me right now. “I need you to push, come on, Lily.” My heart rate spiked, I could feel the pressure build in my chest. Hands forcing my thighs apart, bearing down on me. My core clenched, my ribs strained...my voice a loud wail. “One more push, Lily, come on...” I inhaled deeply, my chest burning with the exertion, and I pushed, forcing everything I had into my body’s downward pull.
Another beep and then I felt my body floating, weightless...and finally, silence filled my ears.
