Prologue
“Get out here, you filthycunts!” Monster’s voice roars through the air.
“Don’t call them that,” my mother yells, her voice slurred. “They’re my babies. Leave them alone,” her voice sounds funny like she’s crying. Only now does she remember she has children. “I’m so sorry, my babies. Forgive me. Hide, my babies. Don’t come out,” she shouts, her tone begging. “I’m—”
“You bitch!”
Something slams against the table I hide under, and I pull my brother’s head tight into my body, using mine to protect him from whatever is coming. The table legs shake for a while, scraping at the wooden floor. My mother’s making weird noises like something’s stuck in her throat. Then I see the shadows move behind the tablecloth shielding us before it falls, heavy and hard, landing with a loud thump. I flinch, thinking he found us, my head jerks to the side. I stare. My mother’s cheek puffed up against the floor, her red eyes wide open as her shocked gaze meets mine. But she doesn’t move, she doesn’t reach out, doesn’t make a sound. She just stares. Then I know why. Know she’ll never move again, ever.
“Where the fuck are you, fuckers?” Monster screams, his breathing harsh.
My brother whimpers against my chest then leans back. I stare down at him. His three-year-old face crumples in terror, his eyes round with fear, his chin trembling uncontrollably. His tiny body shaking as he grips the front of my dirty t-shirt—smeared with the scuff from Monster’s shoes, I’d polished earlier. While he’s always nice to my brother, Monster hates me. If he isn’t yelling at me, he’d smack me, banging my body against some wall or door—whatever came in his path. Or he’d make me stand in the corner during mealtimes, so I’d miss dinner and sometimes breakfast as well. But I don’t care, the hunger doesn’t hurt as much now. I learned to deal with it. As long as my brother doesn’t go hungry, I’m fine.
Monster stomps out of the room, his heavy boots thumping on the wooden floors as he searches all the rooms. I know I can make a run for it, but my brother will slow me down, so I stay there hoping the ugly fucker would leave.
“I’m scared,” my brother whispers, his voice trembling.
“It’s okay,” I whisper back, widening my lips in a smile. One, I reserved only for him. I’d forgotten how to smile. Everyone else got the scowl that had become permanent since Monster’s arrival into our lives. “Remember what I showed you to do when you’re scared.” I take his hands and place them over his ears. “Close your eyes, cover your ears tight and listen to the ocean until everything else goes away and your breathing sounds like a magical sleeping dinosaur, okay?” The first time Monster screamed at us, my brother had peed his pants. We hid under the bed and I’d taught him that trick while we stayed there until Monster left to meet his friends. “You remember?” He nodded.
I might be a kid, but my mind, my thoughts, my feelings had grown up a long time ago. Two years ago, to be precise. When my mother brought home that sick bastard as her husband. Within a month I was calling him Monster because there was no other name that suited him and what he’d done to our little family.
It wasn’t long before he’d filled my mother’s arms with so many holes, she didn’t know light from dark, night from day, her children from make-believe shadows. I had to grow up. Fast. For his sake. My brother’s sake. He was just one then and me seven. He needed to eat, to survive, to live. Both my mother and that pig didn’t think it was important to feed us, to protect us. So, I did it. I survived Monster’s shit for us. So my baby brother could live.
And right now, I’ll do it again, surviving this shit no matter what it takes. I’ll give my life and everything I have for my brother to live. Monster will find us soon and I have to act tough. My mother might’ve forgotten we existed, but her last words begging for forgiveness had come at a cost. Her life.
Still, I can’t forgive her. She abandoned us when we needed her most. She forgot us when we deserved love. She killed my youth instead of showering me with love. All for what? Some drugs and some fat cock, who stole her happiness, her family, and finally her life. She deserves what she got. Bitch!
“Got you!” Monster’s face pokes under the tablecloth, his yellow teeth bared in a sneer. The scar on his left cheek from eye to chin making him even scarier. My brother screams.
“Get away from us,” I shout, shoving at his grimy hands while holding onto my brother with my other hand.
But Monster is exactly that, large, beefy, and tall. My hands are no match for his. Grabbing my brother by the collar, Monster rips him from my arms and straightens. I follow, jumping to my feet as soon as I clear the table edge. I freeze. He’s leaning my brother’s squirming body, stomach down on the table then yanking down his briefs and shorts.
I’m nine, not stupid. I know what he’s going to do to my brother. “No!”
He ignores my yell and leans down, pressing his chest to my brother’s back. “You’re going to make me a lot of money, little boy, but first I need to break you in,” Monster sneers close to his ear.
That threat slams through me, cracking the ice keeping me rooted to the spot. I lunge at Monster and he backhands me. I fly across the room, my face connecting with the wall. Stars dance behind my lids and pain winds me. I don’t care. Blinking a few times, I hold my head and shoot to my feet, charging Monster once more not caring that blood pours down my nose and into my mouth.
He reaches for his fly, fumbling while trying to hold my brother who’s now screaming, his body twisting and jerking. Monster has him pinned down with a large hand splayed out on his back, pressing him into the wooden tabletop.
“Let him go!”
I grab at the arm of the hand pulling out his ugly cock. It’s futile. Hard muscle flexes under my fingers, making my grip slippery. He’s too strong. I let go of his hand and sprint into the kitchen. Yanking drawers hard until they drop and crash to the floor, spilling their contents, I grab the biggest knife I can. When I race back, he’s lining his cock up to my brother’s naked rear. Without thinking, I raise the knife and slash forward but his head whips around, his long, greasy hair almost smacking me in the face before I can sink the blade into his back. He snatches my wrist, twisting until I let go of the knife and it clatters to the floor. Biting down on my tongue to block out the pain, I stop resisting and meet his gaze. His eyes blaze with rage, but it has nothing on the fury pounding through my body.
“Take me instead.” I pour every bit of anger into those words and glare back at him.
He stills for a moment, his lips widening in an ugly-ass smirk. “You want to give me your ass?” He cocks a brow. I nod. He rubs his jaw, leering at my body. “No fighting?” Again, I nod. Grinning, he lets go of my brother, who jumps off the table and scoots to hide behind me. “Then get to it.” He gestures to the table.
I take a step forward and my brother grips my t-shirt. “Skywalker,” he whimpers, calling me the Star Wars characters we’d named ourselves.
Holding my aching wrist, I turn and kneel in front of him. “Do you trust me, Obi-Wan?” I whisper. He nods. “Then you have to go upstairs and play in our room, okay?” He shakes his head hard, tears soaking his cheeks. I force back my tears, I won’t let him see me cry. “You have to or he’s going to hurt you. Just put your hand over your ears and keep it there until I come for you, okay?” I don’t give him a chance to respond. “Go.” I turn him around and gently push at his back. He walks a few steps then stops. Fisting his t-shirt and pulling down to cover his naked bottom, he looks at me, his face puffy from crying. “Go.” I tip my chin at him. When he’s gone, I stand there staring at Monster until he glares at me and grabs my arm.
“What the fuck are you waiting for,” he sneers, pushing me toward the table. I curl my toes in my shoes trying to anchor myself, he jerks me forward and bends me over then shoves down my jeans and underwear. “What a good little fucker you are, I should’ve done this sooner,” he snorts.
Instead of spewing out the retort sitting on the tip of my tongue, I bite the inside of my cheek, knowing that fighting him is useless. He’ll go after my brother. Like I said, I’ll die than let him do that.
“Look at me,” he demands.
