I wasn’t prepared for the sudden influx of emotions roiling through me as my body shook in the aftermath of my orgasm. But there it was. Feelings. Something I avoided with good reason. I didn’t do vulnerable, I fucked, that was me. Yet, as I stared at the limp body of the woman I’d just fucked until she passed out, I couldn’t understand that desolation cramming my chest. The abrupt pounding after realizing the error of what I’d done. I never intended taking Zena from Rayden, I never intended fucking her, but I did. To teach her a lesson. Was that really the reason or was there some underlying shit I was hiding.
Emotions had the ability to weaken a man, lower his guard, weigh him down and dislodge logic when he needed it most. It was why I avoided it. Prevention was better than cure and all that shit. Shoving aside the persistent thoughts that something wasn’t right, I reached up and unhooked her then carried her limp body to the bedroom. I laid her on the bed and pulled the covers over her.
“Another one ruined for the rest of us,” Remo muttered from the doorway as I stepped away from Zena’s bed. I lifted a brow at him and he rolled his eyes. “Don’t you know, brother? Women are never the same once you’ve fucked their brains out.”
I studied him with a slow smile. “Then learn to up your game.”
He scoffed before picking at his nails. “Now, that you’ve fucked her out of your system, can we get rid of them.”
I hadn’t given that any thought yet. Glancing over my shoulder at Zena, I pulled in a deep breath. If I’d fucked her raw, why did that unsated emptiness, creeping along my spine, still linger. Did I need more?
Mistaking my silence for hesitation, Remo cleared his throat. “You know he saw you, right?” He tilted his head, regarding me curiously. So, what if he did? I shouldn’t care. Strangely I did. Scowling, I averted my eyes. Fuck it. I had no idea what was happening to me. “You took his girl, Renz, and he was beginning to trust you.” I stared at my brother, lost for words. Something I’d never done before. “He’s going to hate you for it.” He paused. “Unless you tell him why.” My surprise must’ve shown because he snorted a laugh. “I’m not as dumb as you think.”
My laugh was mirthless. Remo might be unstable on the anger front, but his perception was uncanny. Mateo and I found that out when we’d leave Remo out of certain escapades and he’d always find a way to get the better of us.
“It’s better if he hates me,” I muttered. “There’s less chance of him getting more hurt this way.” I never brought emotions into fucking a woman, why start now. “They’ll be gone soon, and I’ll be forgotten as a distant memory. There’s plenty of time for him to make it work with her.”
He locked gazes with me for a long moment then shook his head. “Whose heart are you trying to break, Renz? His or yours.” With a soft sigh, my brother turned and walked away.
I stared at his retreating frame a moment longer before moving to the threshold, I glanced back at Zena then closed her door. I stood there for a full minute staring at the door across from hers. Every inch of me wanted to walked up to it, knock and offer him some comfort for my actions. But I couldn’t. I was Lorenzo fucking Rossi, I didn’t let young boys and girls rule my heart in whatever form. Rayden wanted to be like me. Now he’d know for certain what a bastard I could be. Maybe he’d change his mind now, maybe I’d finally made a dent in his wish to be my friend.
If that were that case, why then did I feel like shit? What was that claustrophobic burn in my chest? Should I feel bad for hurting him, for breaking his heart, for stealing his girlfriend? Maybe this would give him the power to be a badass and take pussy as opposed to waiting for it.
Even as my thoughts turned chaotic, I knew what I’d done was for the best. I could question myself a thousand times, the answer was still the same. It had to be done. Rayden didn’t belong in my world.
Turning, I realized I was standing outside his door with my arm raised to knock. Dropping my hand, I closed my eyes on a deep inhale and walked away.
Chapter 20
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THREE YEARS AGO...
Zena (28yrs)
“I haven’t had sex in seventeen months to the day.”
