Some might call my admiration for Lorenzo mere infatuation, but he treated me as though he liked me. Until that moment in the study. I had no idea why he’d done what he did and while it left me walking around with an empty feeling I couldn’t describe, a small part of me believed he’d done it to teach me. That maybe he wanted to show me how a blowjob ought to be handled. Regardless, I didn’t think I had it in me to fuck Zena’s mouth with such aggression and still wonder if she enjoyed it. How could she? I wanted to ask her but couldn’t.
Maybe it was male pride that prevented me from doing so or plain jealousy that what he’d achieved with her in a matter of days, I’d wanted over the last year or so. Then again, our circumstances were different. Lorenzo was different. No. Lorenzo took. Just like he’d told me, if I wanted the pleasure, he’d shown me with her, I had to take it. Question was, could I?
Now, watching her face scrunch up like she wanted to cry, a part of me knew I couldn’t. “Are you okay, Zena?”
Silently, she looked at me. Then, even though she nodded, the word, “no,” slipped past her lips before she gave into the tears.
“Hey.” I crossed the floor, slid down next to her and pulled her into my arms.
She dropped her head to my chest while her body shook with pent-up emotions, she’d no doubt been holding back, like me. “I just want to go home,” she sniffled after a long moment.
“I know.” I rubbed slow circles over her back. “We just need to hang in there. I’m sure it will all be over soon.” I didn’t believe my own lies, how could I expect her to.
“Ray.” She leaned back to look at me. “About that blowjob with Lorenzo.”
I stiffened, my mind split in two about whether I wanted to hear her or not. “It’s okay—”
“I can’t lie to you.” She palmed my cheek, her eyes searching mine.
I frowned. “Are you saying you enjoyed what he did to you?”
She inhaled sharply. “Would you of think me as a slut if I said yes.”
I shook my head. “Do—do women...” I trailed off, suddenly embarrassed as I turned my head away to avoid her pity.
She linked her fingers with mine, squeezing lightly. I didn’t turn. “Some women enjoy rough sex, Ray, they get turned on by it. I watched you withdraw from me and him since then.” She sighed on a slow exhale. “Lorenzo didn’t hurt me. I could be wrong, but I think he was teaching you.”
This time I did turn. “How would you know?”
“Because he did it in front of you. Because when I went down on you, you hesitated, you were unsure how far to push yourself and I think he saw that.”
“Is that what you thought of me.” I cringed. “That I was useless.”
“No,” came her instant reply. “How can you be useless when you hadn’t done it before?”
Surprise lined my brow and it took sheer effort to not wimp out and run from the room. “You knew?”
Slowly, she nodded then palmed my face. “And I like that you want me to be your first, Ray.”
I chewed the inside of bottom lip, fearful of looking like a serious pussy if I asked the question rallying around the front on my brain. “What about Lorenzo?” I finally asked.
She frowned. “What about him?”
“Are you?” I paused. “You know, like into him?”
Her laugh was sudden. “Ray, if you haven’t noticed, we’re kind of out of our comfort zone here. He might treat us well, but at the end of the day, we’re still his captives, nothing more.” She gave my hand another squeeze. “You heard what he said. We’re his to do with as he pleases. He’s out of my league on a normal level and on an abnormal level, we’re in a kidnapper/captive relationship, nothing more.”
“So, you don’t find him attractive?” I pushed then feeling like a real dumbass, I silently kicked myself.
“It’s late, why don’t you get some sleep.” She stood.
Even though I regretted my question, her dismissal left me baffled. I was desperate to believe she wouldn’t cheat on me. Stupidly, I believed Lorenzo wouldn’t take her from me. I might despise him for the blowjob, but his words this afternoon sort of confirmed Zena’s suspicions that he was trying to teach me. Yet I couldn’t ignore the twinge of jealousy sitting at my nape, twisting each time I breathed. Worst was the constant nagging of how I’d handle it, if they did cheat on me. I didn’t want to think about it. She was mine first and I planned to let him know that. Annoyed with the direction of my emotions, I jumped to my feet and headed for the door.
“Ray?” I turned to look at her. She smiled. “I won’t hurt you. I promise.” Nodding, I walked away.
