Chapter 48
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ZENA (31YRS)
I stared at the bagel I’d been trying to eat for the last hour. For just a tiny moment, I wished I could enjoy the taste of the food I’d been trying to consume and with each bland bite, wishing my bleakness would abate. The bagel was hard now given the cold December air sweeping across town and the reason I took an outside seat at the local coffee shop. I wanted to see if the blistering iciness would have an impact on my numb body. It didn’t. I felt nothing. No warmth, no cold, no emotion. I was empty, my life was empty, a blank slate waiting to be rewritten. Problem was I didn’t know how to because I’d fucked it up by being a complete and utter bitch.
Having returned to Granger Valley almost two weeks ago, I went through the typical motions of pacifying my family, having arrived back from the dead and all that, and then grieving for the most part. Devastated by the loss of my child and the heart of the one man who’d been nothing but beautiful to me and in return I’d crushed him to pieces, took away his chance at happiness, love and life.
With an insufferable sigh, I dropped my head back and stared up at the sky, blinking repeatedly as the cold stung my eyes, wishing it had the ability to wipe away memories.
“Zena?”
My head snapped sideways and I internally cringed. Hoping I’d never see anyone was remotely stupid. Granger Valley was a medium sized town and still people knew everyone.
I stared at Rayden’s father, a mature, taller and slightly bulkier version of his son with a tentative smile. I didn’t know what Rayden had told his family, but I’d prepared myself for their disgust in the likely event I met any of them. “Hello, Mr. Princeton.”
“Mind if I sit?” He gestured to the chair opposite me.
“Be my guest.” The fact that he was entertaining me, left something to be desired.
He unbuttoned his coat and lowered his large frame into the metal chair. “Seeing you here has answered a very important question, maybe you can answer the rest.”
“What’s that?”
“Why my son returned home with a baby and hasn’t said a word to anyone yet.”
Okay, I could breathe a little since Rayden hadn’t divulged anything.
“You’re Jardin’s mother, I take it?” he asked.
A thick ball of emotion slid into my throat, constricting my reply, “yes.”
Those intelligent grays searched my face, waiting before he said, “and you want to tell me why he’s with Rayden and not you?”
Every inch of me cried out for relief from the exhaustion that had descended over my body. Not because I deserved forgiveness, more because I wanted someone to just say, you fucked up, now go to sleep, when you wake, it will be slightly better because another person knows what you did. “I don’t deserve to mother a child whose father I broke.”
Mr. Princeton’s expression remained unreadable as he waited for me to elaborate. When I said nothing, he inhaled on slow breath then leaned forward. “I have no idea what went down between you two, Zena but when I stand up to leave, I expect to know everything. So, whatever you’ve done to, as you say, break my son, better be redeemable because if it isn’t, I’d think it wise that you left town. Not just for my son’s sake but yours as well. Now talk,” his words were calm yet there was no mistaking the steely threat beneath.
If I was expecting remorse from this man, I’d probably grow old and die before that happened. Drake Princeton was known to be a hard man, but he was an even harder father on the people that wronged his children.
I opened my mouth to speak and as soon as the first word slipped out the rest followed, quickly and easily and with it came the tears. By the time I finished, I was a slobbering mess of tears and snot.
Mr. Princeton sat back in his seat, his chin resting in the cup of his thumb and forefinger while his brow creased in contemplation. “Although I don’t agree with what you’ve done, Jardin needs his mother,” he said, his expression stoic. A glimmer of hope pricked the back of my neck, but I refused to let it flow through me just yet. “That said, I’m not sure if Rayden will agree that you be part of Jardin’s life. I know my son, he’s stubborn but the love he’s shown for that little boy over the last two weeks, tells me he’ll have Jardin’s best interest at heart. I’ll see what I can do.” He stood to leave.
“Why are you being so nice about this? Why would you help me? I broke Rayden.”
The silence stretched for a moment before he sat down again. “Make no mistake. I’m not helping you, girl, I’m helping that little boy you gave no thought to when you decided to unleash your vain attempt at righting an act steeped in jealousy. While he will never be short of love in my home, I don’t think it’s fair on a child to be separated from his mother, if she’s capable of taking care of him. You are capable, you’re just not able right now.”
And to think I was such an idiot for hurting this beautiful family. “Thank you, it means a lot. I grew up with coke addicts for parents, so I know what it feels like to be beaten, raped and starved for days on end. The only man I met who was worth giving a thought to, was my mother’s father, Jardin. We spent one beautiful week together before he died, and I was on the streets again. When the Sen’s adopted me, they gave me a life any orphaned child would die for, and I chose to mess it up.”
“I don’t disagree with you, Zena but sometimes it’s hard to outlive a past drenched in rage and aggression. Surviving the streets takes guts and you did, so it’s only natural that you’d feel threatened by the slightest show of dominance. Regardless, you hurt my son and that’s unforgiveable, but I am a parent and so are you. That alone puts us on an equal footing, if nothing else.”
“Again, thank you,” my voice broke on a sob.
