She nodded and together we walked toward it. There, I leaned over the rail and studied the ripples in the water. Since she walked out of my place on Monday morning, it had taken extreme effort not to go after her. Now that she was right next to me, looking like a little lost girl, I was determined to get answers.
“Did the time alone help?” I glanced at her. She shook her head and I caught sight of the first tear as it rolled down her cheek. “Hey, there’s no need for these.” I wiped her cheek. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere until you want me to. Even then, you’ll have to force me out at gun point.” That earned me a watery laugh. She leaned into my chest. I held her tight and I kissed the top of her head. The faint smell of her citrusy shampoo teased my senses. “I can’t say I know what it feels like to have my heart broken, Ash but I have been hurt before. Pain, big or small can have disastrous effects on our emotions and it kills me that I can’t help you because you won’t let me.”
I felt her tense before she leaned back to look at me. “I can’t let you because I don’t know to help myself either.” There was the slightest trace of irritation in her voice and I got the feeling it wasn’t directed at me. She stepped away, drew in a deep breath and fidgeted with the peeling paint on the rail. “Zayne married me in name only, I get that. He promised he’d never take advantage of me, I get that too and there were plenty of opportunities to let me know how he felt. He never did. Then that morning the riddles that spilled from his mouth left me so confused, I wasn’t sure what to think, believe, feel, and accept. It’s just one big giant ball of inexplicable ‘I don’t know what the heck to do.’ He’s a closed-up type of person and I have no idea how to handle him or what he’s going through.” She glanced at me, chewing her bottom lip.
“What do you want from Zayne?”
She leaned an elbow on the rail and massaged her brow. “I don’t know.”
“Then how do you expect him to give you an answer? Unless you think he’s hiding something from you.”
She looked out across the water, her mind distant. “I get the feeling he is,” she said at length, without looking at me.
Dragging a hand down my face, I prepared myself to ask the one question sitting at the forefront of my mind since the day Zayne gave me permission to pursue her. “Do you love him?”
She bit her thumb, keeping her gaze on the water. “Is it possible to love two men?”
I sucked in a deep breath. “Do you?” I guess that was something I could never fully prepare myself to hear. The question remained. What would I do? “If I said I can help you, would you let me?” That’s not what I should be doing, right? I should be coaxing her to go home with me. I couldn’t.
“How?”
“I’ll speak to Zayne.”
Immediately her face clouded with trepidation. “What makes you think he’ll entertain the notion?”
“Because I slept with you?” I asked. She nodded. “I’m a man, I’ll force him to listen.” Fuck, I sounded like a fucking hell-bent lover set to take on any enemy that came between him and his lover. Wait. I was. I grinned inwardly.
“Not to make you appear inadequate, but have you seen Zayne fight?” She mistook my frown for hesitation. “I have, Trent, he’s no easy pushover. Trust me. And anyway, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I’m a man who picks his battles, Ash, and trust me. This one is worth every blow.” I gave her a reassuring smile. “Whether he’s a pushover or not, is not the point. He needs to know.”
“How are you so caring when I could just as well break your heart?”
“Then don’t break it.”
She closed her eyes, pulling in deep breaths, causing my heart to stop and start in tandem. Doubt suddenly poured over me. What if she chose Zayne over me? Would I be able to handle it?
You went into this with your eyes open and your heart in a grinder.
I reminded myself. Either way, I had to be prepared for the inevitable. She finally opened her eyes, the flecks of black piercing through her gray irises—her gaze heavy, unreadable. I held my breath.
“You asked me what I wanted from Zayne, what do you want from me, Trent?”
“Come out with me tomorrow.”
“That’s it?” She gaped at me. When I nodded, she sighed. “I don’t think I should.”
I turned her to face me and gently squeezed her shoulders. “Whether you love two men, isn’t the issue here, Ash because one of them is willing to give you the world. You just need to reach out and grab it with both hands. You already took the risk. This time I’m asking you to jump without looking and I promise I’ll catch you, every single time.” She nodded and in this single moment, I knew my life was about to change.
