“You don’t fucking understand.” He glared at me.
I didn’t back down. “Then make me.” Still, he said nothing. “Why didn’t you tell me that you had feelings for me, Zayne?” I finally asked what I should have when Trent first appeared in my life.
He raked a hand through his hair and a string of curses flew from his mouth before he pinned me with a look so volatile, I feared I’d lose myself in there. “Because I never felt the need to tell you. I took it for granted that you would see it,” he muttered.
I covered my gasp, staring at the man I’d longed to hear words of affection from while he’d done the same. “It’s true what they say, that when you hold something too close to you, you’re blinded by what’s in front of you.”
“If I’d told you before, would you have agreed to date me, sleep with me?”
Strangely, I couldn’t find an appropriate response. Given my relationship with Trent had moved to the next level, it would’ve been an easy answer. Apparently not. “Why are you asking me that, now?”
“Because I won’t be at peace if I don’t know.” He took a step closer, his gait unsteady, yet his voice remained softer, calmer.
“And if I do tell you now, what difference would it make?” My vision blurred with fresh tears and I fought to control the tremor in my voice.
“Your life doesn’t come to an end when a loved one leaves you, Rika.” He sighed as though he was tired of fighting some inner demon. One I longed to meet, just to see if I could help give him the peace he deserved.
“And what if it gives you an excuse to ruin your own life? It would be an insult to your loved one, would it not?” I pushed. “I’m sure you won’t ever insult me.”
His laugh was low, almost mocking and I reared back. “Don’t you see, baby. You and I would’ve never worked,” he scoffed.
My brows drew together in a frown. “Why?”
He turned his back on me, cupping his nape. I wondered what irked him. “Because my life has always been fucked up.” He faced me, leveling me with an accusing stare. Was he blaming me for his misfortunes? “Nothing good ever comes my way and if it does, it’s short-lived,” pure steel edged his words. “You’re my weakness, Rika and that’s wrong. I’m not allowed any weaknesses.”
“What are you talking about?” I cried.
“When a man shows weakness, he’s taken advantage of and that advantage can ruin him, to kill his spirit. Drop him into a pit so dark it would make the fucking devil envious.” My chest tightened at the agony in his words.
Still, I was confused. “You’re not making sense,” I hiccupped on a sob.
He shook his head. “And I never will, not to you anyway. I can’t give you the love you deserve, Rika. I can’t allow it. Go. Go be with Trent. Because he’s the only other man that can love you as much as me if not more.” His eyes swam with sadness before he shielded them from me. “Every life has a story to tell. Don’t be afraid to start all over again. You might love your new story.”
“Why are you doing this?” I swallowed the lump thickening my throat.
He turned away, his muscles rigid against the strain of tension coating his frame.
“I always trusted you when you said no one would ever hurt me again.” My voice broke but I pushed through. “It’s been a lie all this time. Because the one person I trusted with my life, has caused me the most amount of pain,” I flung the words at his back, not caring whether they hurt or not.
He swung around, eyes glaring holes through me. “Get the fuck out of here, Rika and don’t come back,” he hissed.
I should’ve feared him, I should’ve backed away from the sheer fury in that clenched jaw. But I didn’t. Because some part of me didn’t believe he meant it.
Cold brown eyes clashed with mine before he pointed to the door. “Go.”
I thought about arguing with him, but his aloof, almost menacing expression dissuaded me. Standing my ground, I debated my next move. This was a situation to which I was unaccustomed. Another new moment, experience, suffering? It had no label right now but added to my ever-growing bank of memories. Maybe I’d known how to handle it in my past. Right now, not so much. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach, begging to be held, to be consoled. I didn’t know how to.
I turned and walked away from the only man I knew and cared for enough to make me cry. Tears I might’ve shared before, with whom, I had no idea and I never would, but I was certain that what I’d just felt would be forever entrenched in my heart and my soul. And that, I feared only happened when you loved someone. If that was the case, what then, did I feel for Trent?
It was simple.
While Zayne gave me life, Trent gave me freedom. And yet with both, I’d become a woman. Not just a girl without a memory, floating from day to day in the hopes that something would change, But a truly emotional woman who now understood love, pain, and hurt that inflicted so much more than a physical wound would.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I climbed into the car.
