I’d often wondered the same thing. Before meeting Trent, I’d become a recluse and desperate to get my memory back. Now, I remembered his words at Incognito when I think about the loss. “I’ll make new ones.”
He reached for my hand and held it in both of his. “But you won’t leave us if it comes back, will you?”
Startled, I stared at him. And the glow from a moment ago was replaced with earnest, almost begging me. God, how did I answer a child I barely knew and who’d oddly latched onto my heart in barely a day? “I’ll try.”
He shook his head vehemently, his grasp on my hand tightening. “You have to promise.”
I palmed his cheek and dropped a light kiss to his brow. “I promise.” As the vow left my lips, I sent a silent prayer that I’d never break his tiny heart.
He beamed and immediate warmth spread through my chest. “Will you read me something, please?”
I glanced at the rows of books sitting on the shelves against a wall. “Sure. Do you have any favorites?”
Instead of answering, he reached into his pocket and slid out an envelope. “Can you read this, please?” He held it out.
Curious, I turned the envelope over. Other than his name, it had nothing else. “What is it?”
“It’s my mommy’s letter.”
My heart clenched. “Your mommy?” He nodded. Was this little boy so desperate for a mother that he’d written a letter to her? I took the envelope and pulled it out. As I opened it, I realized it was written to him and wondered what had gone through his mind to prompting him to write a letter to himself. I began reading out loud.
“My sweet, sweet, Nicky, You’re seven today and one more year older since we last met. That means you’re officially a big boy. Have you been a good boy too?”I laughed at his creativity.“I’m sure you’re bathing by yourself now. My big, sweet boy. I’m going to tell you a little secret. Always make sure you bathe every day because you never know when you’re going to meet a pretty girl. And if you do, you want to be smelling perfect for her. If anyone tells you it’s okay not to bathe, don’t believe them, baby, people do smell. Yup, they do. You’re a handsome boy now, so make sure you have those girls eating out of your hand, okay? Oh, and don’t forget to wash behind your ears. And yes, clean underwear is a must. Promise me.”
“I promise.” Nicky’s whisper drew my gaze. He stared at me, put a hand over his heart and nodded.
A lump formed in my throat. I blinked to clear my suddenly hazy vision and resumed reading.“School is going to get tougher with each year, baby. You might meet some nasty kids that will bully you.”That gave me pause. Had Nicky encountered bullies? Was that why he’d acted out? I continued reading,“if they do, baby, never back down, punch them in the nose or in the nuts. It always works so you can escape if you have to. Shh, don’t tell daddy I said that.”I laughed and so did Nicky. I glanced at him. He wasn’t looking at the letter, but at my face. Was he watching my expressions? I suddenly wondered just how real the letter was.
He touched my hand. “Read some more, mommy. Your voice is pretty.”
My eyes watered again. I didn’t let him see it and hid my expression behind a smile.“And if that doesn’t work and they still bully you then go tell daddy to help you. You know you’re mommy’s little boy, right?”
“Yes,” Nicky replied.
It was only then that I realized that the reason he’d asked me to read the letter was that he wanted to share the emotions of his mother by having a direct conversation. I tilted the letter slightly, so I could look at him while reading.“You’ll always be my little boy, but daddy is your friend, Nicky, he will do anything and everything to make you smile and keep you safe. Don’t forget that, okay?”
“I won’t, mommy.”
“And now that you’re seven, it’s okay if you want to go riding on daddy’s bike.”Trent had a bike. Why wasn’t I surprised?“I know I told him you can’t, but I want you to do everything you want with daddy. I wish I could be there for you but I can’t. Plus, heaven is a really cool place, and the angels keep me busy. They look down on you and Neha sometimes and come tell me that you’re being a naughty boy. I can see you smiling, Nicky. You’re mischievous, sometimes, right?”
He giggled, shaking his head. “No.” I smiled, loving his look of innocence.
“Because I can’t be there, you, Neha, and daddy need each other. You need to take care of each other. Don’t forget, okay.”He nodded.“Now that you agreed and you’re a big boy, I need your help with daddy too. Don’t tell him this, but he’s a big baby.”Nicky giggled.Sometimes he forgets things and I know he’ll miss mommy too just like you. Will you help me with daddy, sweetheart?”
“Yes, mommy.”
“Okay, this is what I need you to do. First, I’m going to explain something to you. Daddy and I were soulmates. I know, your little mind won’t understand this now. When you’re bigger, however, you can read this letter again and you’ll understand. Soulmates are two people who find and love each other forever. Unfortunately, I had to leave your daddy, so he is all alone now because I know your daddy. He won’t bring you guys another mommy. Am I right?”
Nicky smiled and nodded.
“If I am then I need you to find a soulmate for daddy, sweetheart.”My heart staggered in my chest. She wanted him to find love again.“Because I don’t want daddy to be alone for the rest of his life. He’s the perfect daddy but he was perfect to me too. And he needs someone perfect to take care of him. Will you help me, sweetheart?”
“Yes, mommy.”
“If you’re nodding then you just made my heart dance like the colors of the rainbow. All bright and airy.”The first tear fell and didn’t wipe it away.“Is your heart dancing too, Nicky?”
He nodded.
“Then let’s make daddy’s heart dance too. Let’s find him the perfect soulmate who will make his heart dance and sing. If you’re worried, don’t be, you’re his bestest son and you will know who she is.”I paused, my heart sat in my chest, realizing that somehow this handsome little boy was older and wiser beyond his years than anyone could see.
