Drake
ISTARED AT THE DOORthat had slammed shut after my son. The last few minutes lasted forever, imprinting every emotion that had rolled across his face into my soul, filling me with the guilt of my actions, seeing the ramifications as they crumbled around me. What the fuck had I done?
“Oh, God, what have I done?”
I turned to catch Sia as she fell. Her body jerking in uncontrollable sobs, I lowered myself to the sofa, keeping her in my lap. She immediately stuck her head between my shoulder and chin, the tears now harder. “Jesus, Sia, I’m sorry—” I had no idea what to say that could make this situation better. Every rigid part of my body cried for release, begged for me to relax my taut muscles. I couldn’t. I’d experience pleasure, joy and life, yet nothing could compare to the misery I felt right now, knowing I’d just destroyed two beautiful lives. Not even finding out Kyra was Josh’s daughter because she’d always be mine in my eyes.
“How could we,” the distressed words seeped past Sia’s trembling lips.
Still, I didn’t have an answer. Some part of me knew that when the truth was outed, it would be a no-win battle. One of us, if not all, were bound to get hurt. I should’ve prepared her for it, but I was just a selfish prick thinking only of myself.
She leaned back, her red-rimmed eyes staring at me. “This has to end, right?”
I stiffened. “You’re hurting right now, Princess. Don’t think about that.” I immediately regretted the words.
She shoved off my lap, fingers clenched, she paced the room from wall to wall then stopped. “How can I not think about that—” she choked on a sob. “Did you not see his face, his pain.” She pointed to the door. “Oh, my, God, Drake, I did that to him. I crushed his heart,” she yelled, her body shaking hard. “I hurt him. I promised him forever.”
I forced down the lump in my throat and stood, pulling her into my embrace. “Sia—”
She resisted my hold, pushing against my chest. “Don’t.” she cried.
“Sia, please.” God, how did I remain the adult when my chest burned to let go of the tears, to give into the pain, to be strong for Rayden, for her. I attempted once more to bring her close. Our faces inches apart, she fought me off, hitting my chest. Not that I could blame her, she held us responsible for hurting Rayden. We did.
“Leave me.” Another hit.
I couldn’t do it. “No.” I took every blow that pummeled my chest, allowing her to feel whatever comfort I could offer, no matter how short-lived I knew this moment would be. I had nothing else to give. My pain was already entrenched in my heart, wavering between my emotions for Rayden and Sia. Fists balled, she began hitting me harder. I winced but didn’t fight back, didn’t stop her. She needed that for now. I needed that too. Only, I would’ve preferred Rayden’s fists, it might’ve hurt me, but at least it would’ve killed some of the aches. Exhaustion eventually claimed her body when she realized I wouldn’t stop her. She sagged against me, her sobs hysterical against my shirt. “You didn’t do anything, Sia. I did. I was the older adult in this relationship. I should’ve told him.”
Her sobs only got louder. “I pictured him finding out, but nothing like this, this is so much worse.” She pulled away from me and I released my hold.
“Talk to me, please.”
“Why?” Blue eyes, bloodshot with tears, stared at me. She took a step back. “Why do you still want me around? I took away your love when I walked out on you then. Now, I came between you and your son. I broke—” She dry heaved. Another step away. “I broke your heart, I broke your son’s heart. Why do you still want me around,” she shrieked, her body trembling.
“Because I love you.”
Her short laugh was mirthless and brimming with anguish. “Do you know what a caterpillar is, Drake?” I frowned at her. “They are voracious feeders, agricultural pests that can destroy a farm, the livelihood of some. I told you once, I was a caterpillar and one day I’ll be a butterfly. Guess what. I’ve just destroyed your family. I’ll never amount to anything other than a caterpillar.”
“No.” I moved to grab her, but she shoved at my chest, moving so fast, I couldn’t hold on. She fell backward, hitting the stone floor hard. “Sia,” I yelled as panic raced through my body. I dropped to my knees, reaching out, but she dragged herself backward to the door. “Princess, please.”
“No.” She put up trembling hands, stopping me. “Leave me alone, Drake,” she sobbed. “I need to be alone, please,” she begged between tears, her eyes on me.
Every inch of me burned with the need to comfort her. I sat back on my knees, watching her, waiting for that single nod to say she needed me. She drew her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and dropped her forehead to her knees. I fisted my palms, steeling myself to respect her wishes. With a resolute sigh, I sat back against the table, cupped my nape, and rolled my neck, trying to ease the stiff muscles. I don’t know how long we sat there, my eyes on Sia and her head down, hiding her face. Her shaking shoulders the only indication she was still crying. It would be easy for me to ignore her request to stay away, scoop her up in my arms and let her cry in my lap. I was afraid if I did, she’d turn tail and run. Selfishly, I didn’t want her to go. Whether I accepted it or not, I knew once she walked out that door, I’d lose her.
When she finally looked up, wiping her tears, I smiled. She didn’t return the gesture and my heart sank. I knew what was coming. And when she moved to stand, the confirmation filled me with dread.
As she stood, I noticed her wince. I shot to my feet, moving closer. She shook her head. “You’re hurt, Sia.” I gestured to where her fingers massaged her hip. “Let me help.” For the first time since this fucked-up situation hit, I felt utterly useless, like nothing I did would help, and her shaking her head only aided the accuracy of that notion. “Please—”
“No, Drake,” her voice wasn’t as firm as she tried to sound, and before I could respond, she opened the door and walked out.
And for the second time that night, I watched another loved one slam out that door, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Not because I didn’t want to, but because they didn’t want me.
