Her echoing voice wafted down the hallway as me and the guys crept closer. A resounding crack followed by her sobs made me want to count the fingers I’d cut off the man that had just hit her. Anger robbed me of my conscious mind. I pressed onward despite the protests from my president, holding my gun up to the man that hovered over Tiffany as I rounded the corner.
“Let her go,” I growled.
And without warning, the man pulled out a gun.
“No! Tiff!” I roared.
“Tiff!” I exclaimed.
I shot up like a bat out of hell and wiped at the sweat permeating my brow. I reached for my cell phone and drew in a few deep breaths as my heart rate slowly climbed out of the clouds. The light of my phone screen practically blinded me, but the time completely mocked me.
“Six A.M. Fantastic,” I grumbled.
A whole two and a half hours of sleep.
I flopped back down into bed and quickly rolled over. My pillow was soaked, which meant it was laundry day for me. I tumbled all the way over to the other side of the bed and face-planted into the one clean pillow I had left. I nuzzled against it, wiping away the sweat before I slithered beneath the covers. Maybe I didn’t need a pillow to sleep. Maybe I could just wrap up in the blanket, slip into that effortless darkness, and sleep for one fucking second without a god damn nightmare plaguing me.
However, the second I saw Tiff’s lifeless eyes staring back at me, I ripped my own open.
“Nope,” I grunted as I sat up, “time to get the day started.”
I dragged ass into the bathroom and stripped myself down. A hot ass shower battered against my skin, sending my beads of sweat swirling down the drain. I hung my head and let the water fall down my skin. I allowed it to wash away my sins, hoping that it might also cleanse me of my unworthiness.
People die whenever they’re around me.
And as if my brain hadn’t tortured me enough, images of things that hadn’t even happened yet filtered to the forefront. Images of Chloe on the back of my bike, holding on tight while she laughed as we drove the Pacific Coast Highway. Images of her wrapping her arms around my neck and holding me close while peppering my cheeks with kisses.
Images of her being gunned down in the middle of the road by the cartel while I stood there, chained to the ground, unable to get to her.
“Fuck!” I roared.
I slammed my hand down against the showerhead control and it cut the water off. I stormed out, ripping a towel from the hook on the wall as I tousled my hair and dried my arms. Not even being awake kept me from my thoughts. From my memories. From my fears. And as I raised my head, I looked at myself in the foggy mirror.
“She’s much better off without you,” I whispered.
I felt worthless. Useless. Like I could no longer do what I was put on this planet to do. I wrapped the towel around my hips and dredged out into the room in the hopes that Stone would leave us alone for the day. All I wanted was to stuff my face, caffeinate myself, and watch movies all damn day. I needed a rest day. A day where lives weren’t expected to stay alive simply because I existed.
However, a knock came at my door just as I perched on the edge of my bed.
“Whatever it is, no,” I called out.
My door cracked open. “Church in ten.”
I looked up at Stone. “No.”
He blinked as he stared at me. “Feel better?”
I sighed. “No, I don’t.”
He nodded softly. “Church in twenty, then. I’ll tell the guys.”
I snickered. “Yeah, thanks.”
I raked my hands through my hair as I swallowed hard. Another day, another threat, another chance to die. I shook my head as I forced myself back to my feet. It took all I had just to get dressed instead of indulging in the anger, the frustration, and the sorrow that grabbed hold of the marrow of my bones. It felt like my body had been filled with lead. As I dragged myself out into the living room, I found the rest of the guys gathered and waiting.
“All right,” Stone said as he nodded toward me, “now that we’re all here, we need to talk about what happened last night.”
Asher stood and it looked like he didn’t get a lick of sleep. “We have confirmed that Joker was gunned down by a van full of cartel syndicate workers. They’re tracking us down during our patrols, probably in a bid to intimidate us.”
