“Is he a giant?” Dylan whispered to me as Rocky rushed over to the man, then walked at his side back to us.
“I think he’s just really tall,” I whispered back.
“Hi, mister. I’m looking for my dad. Are you a giant?” Dylan yelled.
“Dylan!”
“Nope, I’m just tall,” he answered, before addressing me. “And you’re Lily. You look just like Rose.” His gorgeous smile warmed as he spoke to me. “I’m Liam, and this is Rocky. Luke is in the back.”
Rocky seemed to take Liam’s greeting as permission, because he rushed over to Dylan, licked his hand, then sat by his side. Dylan patted his head and Rocky leaned against him with a cute doggie groan.
“Yes, I am. Uh, I am Lily, that’s me. Hi, Liam.” I nodded as I shifted Calla to my hip and stuck out my hand. Liam shook it with a grin. “We were hoping to talk to Luke today. Obviously, Rocky is friendly, so I’m going to stop worrying about that and focus on worrying about other stuff. I don’t have Luke’s number anymore, so I couldn’t call first. I’m sorry about that. I don’t have a plan. I don’t know what I’m doing. I?—”
Liam cut me off in the middle of my nervous ramble with a laugh. He shook his head and gave me a look that said he knew me even though we’d never met. “Listen to you! You’re exactly like Luke described. This is so great. Relax, Luke will be thrilled to see you. I’ll go get him. Dylan, it’s good to finally meet you.” He turned to Dylan and shook his hand before gesturing to the trees closest to the mountain near the back of the property. “He’s picking out trees to carve for a build, so it will take a few minutes for him to get up here. You guys are welcome to go sit by the fire pit and wait. Just please don’t leave. Okay?” He was so open and friendly, it put me at ease. Well, sort of. Like, how much ease could I possibly have right now? I was about to see the long-lost father of my first-born child, for goodness sake.
“We won’t leave,” Dylan promised. He veered down the path to the seating area while Rocky trotted along at his side.
“We’ll be here. Don’t worry.” I’d come this far; it would be silly to run away now, even though I was nervous as all heck and might throw up in that beautiful fire pit. “It’s nice to meet you,Liam.”
“Nice to meet you too. Thank you for coming. Seriously.” He turned and jogged off.
“Look at these chairs. They have fairies and little wolves carved all over them. I bet my dad did it. I bet he made those bears too. He’s picking trees to carve up right now. How cool is that? I wonder if he’ll teach me to carve up trees too. I want to chop one down. Can I? I want to chop down trees like a lumberjack.”
He started miming chopping with his arms and an imaginary axe. Dylan was a walking contradiction. He could act so grown-up that sometimes you forget he’s a kid, then turn around and start chopping down imaginary trees. He started running around the fire pit with Rocky chasing him. Or maybe Dylan chased Rocky. Either way, they were having a blast.
“I don’t know about chopping down trees. That sounds dangerous. Let’s just take this one step at a time. Let’s start by sitting down.” It was a beautiful summer evening. The sun still peeked through the trees to shine on some of the chairs. I chose a bench swing in the shade and sat down. Dylan sat on the ground in a sunray. Rocky crawled into his lap and started licking his cheek. Calla started to fuss, so I tugged down my nursing tank to feed her.
“Even though we told Liam we would stay, you are allowed to change your mind whenever you want,” I reiterated for the bazillionth time. “We can get in the car and leave right now.”
“Mom, you’re more scared than me. I’m not scared at all. Don’t worry. I’ll talk to him. You just take care of Calla.”
He was right. My nerves were getting the best of me. I hadn’t seen Luke since that disastrous visit in the hospital over six years ago. I should have taken more time to think this through before just driving over here. I either planned everything to death or rushed headlong into things, then regretted it later. Much to my consternation, I had yet to find a balance betweenthe two.
“I love Rocky. He’s the best dog I’ve ever met. What kind is he?” Dylan asked as he continued to play with the adorable dog.
“He’s a boxer, I think. He seems pretty nice,” I observed. “Hi, Rocky. You’re a good boy, aren’t you?” I couldn’t help but laugh as he ambled over to me, tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth, tail wagging like crazy, and raised his paw for me to shake. I shook it, and he licked my hand. Was it crazy to be put at ease by a dog?
The nerves surged right back when I caught sight of Luke out of the corner of my eye. I turned to watch as he strode determinedly out from behind the garage. He had a slight limp, but it looked like he was refusing to give in to it.
And, ohdamn,Violet was right. He looked different. Gone was the sweet-faced boy-man I’d fallen in love with. In his place was this...hot guy. He was broad shouldered and solid, like he went to the gym but still ate dessert. Or maybe he just tossed heavy logs around all day after he chopped them down for his carvings or whatever. A thick, dark beard covered the beautiful face I used to love. The rolled-up shirtsleeves of his dark blue work shirt revealed tattoos traveling up and down his forearms.
The Luke I had loved had been clean shaved with a head of hair he kept buzzed military short in accordance with his life-long goal to join the Army, like his grandfather Jed had done. My eyes started to glaze as I took in the gorgeous dark brown hair sweeping back to curl around his ears and down to touch the collar of his shirt. I wanted to touch that hair, to run my fingers through it and get a good solid whiff of it.
He was bigger too. Did people keep growing into their twenties? I could swear he was taller. Or maybe it was an optical illusion because his shoulders were so much wider, and his muscles were bigger and more prominent than they used to be.
Must. Stop. Staring.
My sweet Luke was gone. The man headed my way right now came straight off a romance novel cover or a documentary about lumberjacks.
Meanwhile, I was stuck sitting here like a stunned fool in my messy bun and nursing tank. I should have at least put on some dang lip gloss.
I glanced down at Calla. This was just great—my ex-fiancé, the former love of my life, the father of my son, was headed my way, and the top part of my boob was out. If Calla pulled away, we would be in nipple city.
My almost six-months-postpartum body had not yet recovered to the state it had been in the last time I’d seen him. Which was almost seven years and at least ten pounds ago.Gah! That doesn’t matter, I reminded myself. I was not here to get him back. I was here for Dylan. I needed to get my priorities straight, or at least figure out what they were before I started beating myself up.
“Jeez, Louise,” I whispered to myself.
“Who’s Louise? Look, Mom! There he is,” Dylan whispered, wrenching me out of my impure thoughts about his father.
