“Shit, Liam, she’s gone?” Tears filled my eyes too, but I blinked them away and wrapped my arm around his shoulder. “Elsie’s gone?” Liam wasn’t the only one she had helped. Every leave I’d had, I’d spent with Liam and Elsie at her place. She’d taken care of both of us. She’d treated me like I was her grandson too. “I can’t believe it. I just saw her yesterday. She was looking so much better. I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t mean to do any of this. I drank too much.” Liam looked me and Lily in turn before addressing me again. “I wasn’t going to do it. I swear. I don’t know what I was thinking—” He choked on the words before hiding his face in his hands.
I related all too well to the despair my friend was feeling. “You’ll be okay, Liam. We’re going to take care of you.”
He looked at me with an almost imperceptible nod. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be alone. I couldn’t stand how it felt.” He shut his eyes and sagged into me. Whether from grief or from the pills and alcohol, I couldn’t tell.
Rocky whined, then licked and nudged Liam’s face. He barked in his ear, forcing his eyes to open.
“You’re not alone, Liam. Don’t apologize. Not to me. You’ve pulled me back from the edge before, brother. Now it’s my turn. Stay with me.” I shook him. He was struggling to focus.
“I didn’t know how to tell you she passed. I got drunk and?—”
We jumped when we heard the sirens out front. Lily rushed to the door to let them in. But it was already open.
The paramedics made quick work of loading Liam up in the ambulance. I had to go with him; I couldn’t let him face this alone. “I’m going with him,” I told Lily. “Can you take care of Rocky and get someone to fix the door?” I gave her my wallet and the keys to the truck. “My credit card is in there. I’ll pay for the door. Use my truck.” I kissed her hard and short. “Love you. I’ll call you.”
The ride to the hospital was a blur. I followed alongside Liam’s stretcher as far as they would let me go before I was directed to a waiting room.
Lily texted a few times, but I ignored it. I would text her back when I had an update on what was going on with Liam.
I got up to pace the waiting room. This reminded me of when we were laid up together after the IED attack. My back had been injured and I’d been shaken up, cut, bruised, and in need of stitches. Liam had been knocked unconscious after suffering a severe concussion. I’d had a mild head injury, but luckily, had remained alert enough to get us to safety.
Flashes from the past infiltrated my thoughts as I walked the waiting room. It was as though I wasn’t in a brightly lit hospital but back on the ground, dust flying everywhere as I looked to the side, praying that Liam would be okay before I drifted off into the black.
I sat down hard, dragging my hands through my hair and pressing my palms into my eyes to get the images to go away, but they wouldn’t. The sterile white walls and florescent lights pulsed as I looked around, trying to force myself back to reality. My heart beat a rapid tempo in my ears. I was out of control. I itched; the memories burned like sand, gritty and course against my skin. Panic overtook logic as I gasped for breath and slammed my eyes shut against the onslaught of sensation.
Breathe. Focus.Liam’s voice saying those words floated through my mind. Goodness knows I’d heard them often enough over the years. I grabbed onto the mantra like it was a hand to hold. Taking a deep breath, I looked around the waiting room, forcing my eyes back to the present. Inhaling to a count of four, I chose a potted fig tree in the corner to focus on. There were no potted fig trees in Afghanistan, at least not where I had been. I counted backward and let out the breath.
“Luke McCabe?”
Startled, I stood. “Yes. I’m here,” I wheezed.
“Liam is asking for you. Come with me.” I followed behind the nurse. Her flowery pink scrubs and sweet, smiling face serving as a reminder that I was home. She gestured to an open door. “Go on in. He’s going to be okay.”
“Thank you.” I went inside, shutting the door behind myself. “How are you feeling?” He looked fine, back to normal. His eyes were bright, and he smiled as I approached.
“I feel like an idiot. I’m so sorry, Luke.”
“No apologies. Not between us. You look a lot better.” I couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing.
“I feel better, at least physically. I was pretty fucked up earlier, drunk as shit. Now I remember why I stopped drinking. Never again, man. Elsie would be pissed.” His face twisted painfully as his eyes filled with tears. He inhaled a shuddering sigh and looked out the window.
“I think she would understand,” I murmured. “I do.”
“I wasn’t going to do it, Luke.” His jaw steeled as he lifted his chin.
I pulled the chair close to his bed and sat. “I’m glad to hear that?—”
“But it scares me how close I got. Like a switch was flipping in my mind as I sat there. Stay or go. I was about to unload the gun when you got there. But that doesn’t mean I don’t need help.”
“I’m here for you.”
He met my eyes. “I know you are.”
“I think you should stay at my place. It’s fucking huge. It’s ridiculous for me to have all that space to myself. Neither one of us needs to be alone now.”
“I think I’ll take you up on that. I should be out of here tomorrow.” He yawned, rolling his shoulders then reclining the bed.
