I studied his beautiful face, lit only by the candles and the setting sun. The burnished orange glow of the remaining light brought out the auburn hues hidden in the dark brown of his hair. His golden skin and shining eyes had me in thrall. He was almost too beautiful to look at. His gaze was steady and sweet on me, and his hand held mine firm and safe in his grip.
I knew we both had expectations of something happening tonight. The anticipation was almost palpable in its intensity. I swayed toward him in my chair. He leaned forward, reaching out to cup my cheek in his big palm. I leaned into that soft touch, that touch I’d rejected once before, and immediately felt bad about it. Regret had burned through me that day, and I hated the thought that I’d hurt him. I turned my lips into his palm and kissed it. His eyes closed briefly as he sifted his fingers into my hair and pulled my face toward his. I was willing, already swaying even further, ever nearer until our lips touched. Once, softly. Twice, deeply. And a third time I wished would never end.
He let go of my hand and pulled my chair closer to his until my legs brushed his and we were side by side. His arm came around me, low across my back, so he could squeeze my hip and pull me even closer. I was about to end up in his lap. Itwas hard to resist just straddling him and going for it like we’d done in his office the other day. I sighed and looked up at him just as his face lowered to mine for another kiss. We sat there making out, with tongues and hands and everything everywhere, and I was already drunk on him.
Drunk on Luke without a sip of alcohol. I was about to climb into his lap when our waiter came in with our drinks. She cleared her throat and set our drinks down. “I can come back...” She was unsurprised at our clinch. I mean, really, it must happen a lot up here.
“That’s okay. We’ll order,” Luke said, then winked at me. I felt my cheeks go up in flames. I looked at the table as he chuckled. He chose for me, ordering everything we couldn’t afford when we’d come here almost fifteen years ago plus a fancy bottle of wine that I couldn’t even pronounce the name of. I was going to get food wasted, wine wasted, and even drunker on Luke. And if he ordered dessert, I would likely lapse into a happy, sugary, love-induced coma.
In other words, I was in trouble. We had to talk. Not just about the obvious attraction still between us, not about Dylan, and not about the fact that we still loved each other. We needed to talk about the problems we’d had before—the problems that had driven him away from me. What happened in the hospital wasn’t the issue; it was the distance between us that had made him leave me and not come back for years. We needed to address the pedestal he had put me on and the fact that for this to work, we both needed to have our feet on the ground. We had to get real and having dinner in this fantasy come to life made it hard for me to muster up the courage or the desire to address any of it.
“You have a good memory, Luke—” I started.
“I remember everything.”
“Luke, can we... are we... um, do you remember right before you left the last time? Before you got hurt? We had a fight. Do you remember that?” Iasked softly.
His eyes closed, and he let go of me to reach for his beer and take a sip. “I do remember that. You were upset because you said I wouldn’t talk to you, right? I didn’t know what to tell you, Lily. I didn’t want you to know any of it. I still don’t.”
I inhaled sharply at the guard I sensed him putting up. “I didn’t want details, Luke. I never expected to hear every little thing. I think I told you that. Didn’t I?”
He nodded at me.
“I just wanted to be included in your life. You were friends with Liam when you were with me, right? But I never met him. You never even mentioned his name to me. He was a big part of your life and still is. You never told me anything at all. It couldn’t have been all bad. Was it?”
“It wasn’t all bad, but it was intense, always. When I was with you, you made me feel like myself again, and I wanted that separation. I didn’t mean to create a distance between us, Lily, or make you feel left out of part of my life.”
“I can’t help but think that if you had let me in, even just a little bit, then you wouldn’t have left me,” I whispered.
“I wanted to shield you from all of that. A lot of it was too ugly to share. You were everything beautiful in my life. I wanted to keep you that way. I didn’t want to tarnish you?—”
“Tarnish me? I don’t even know what to say, other than life is not always beautiful. Sometimes it’s terrifying and sad and can break your heart. But you wouldn’t let me see your broken heart. You were scared of—what? Driving me away or freaking me out? Like I couldn’t handle being there when you needed me, really needed me, for something other than kisses and sex and happy things. Was that it?”
“No, that wasn’t it,” he bit out. “I didn’t want to burden you with it, to drag you down into it. The kisses and the sex and the love you gave me were all I needed from you. God, Lily, it was everything. You were everything I needed, and I?—”
We were both startled when our waitress entered with atray laden heavy with our dream dinner, and set it at the end of our long table.
“Let’s talk about this later, please?” he asked with a soft but tense smile.
I nodded and reached for my drink. We could talk about this later. We had to. So, I did what I always used to do. I buried my worries and gave Luke what he said he wanted. Part of me wanted it too. I wanted to live in this moment and keep the past out of it.
We ate, we chatted about Dylan, about Luke’s work, my family, and my career as a librarian. Luke finished his beer and had a small glass of the wine he’d ordered. I put the lemon drop aside and finished off the bottle of wine. It was delicious, and I was so keyed up that I let myself go. I let myself enjoy a fantasy dinner in a beautiful place with this beautiful man who I had loved forever and beyond all reason.
I had an odd sense of freedom, like everything that had been happening wasn’t real and I could just float above the earth, over this beautiful river sparkling with moonlight and candles and have a moment of peace.
After dinner, I sat next to Luke, wrapped in his arms on the tiny couch in the corner of the dining room. We gazed out at the river and ate dessert. He turned me in his arms and kissed me. I let him back in my heart tonight, as I knew I always would. I only hoped he would return the favor.
Chapter 21
Luke
Ipulled up to the curb at Lily’s place and immediately I sensed something was wrong. The front of the house was pitch dark.
Blindly, she reached for me as she looked out the passenger window. “The porch light should be on. It’s on a timer.” Since the house was set far back from the curb, the trees kept it shaded from the streetlights. It was impossible to see anything from here.
“Stay here and call your dad,” I commanded and exited the truck. I started up the dark front path to the door to see if maybe the light had burned out. Halfway there, I stopped and turned back. “The door is wide open. We’ll stay out here and wait for your father.” I climbed back into the truck and locked the doors. There was no way I would leave her alone. Something was definitely going on.
“He’s on his way. He said to stay in the truck.”
