I woke up to words I hadn’t heard since I was eighteen ringing in my ears, left over from my dream. I hadn’t heard my father’s shit for years, but ever since I’d come back here, I would remember from time to time. I inhaled a sharp breath, waiting for the words to leave their burn so I could force myself to forget them again. He hadn’t wanted me; my mom had. And after she died, he quit pretending.
I rolled over in bed and blinked at Rocky’s face hovering above mine. His hot breath tickled my cheeks as he barked gently and nudged my face with his cold nose. I hugged him around his neck and he settled down along my side to rest his head on my chest. He watched me closely as I scratched behind his ears.
“Ready for breakfast?” He shot up and started hopping around and wagging his tail. I laughed as I stood up and stretched, being careful of my stiff back and shoulders. I might never regain one hundred percent mobility, and that was still hard to accept. Even so, I was one of the lucky ones. I opened the door and headed downstairs to the kitchen with Rocky hoton my heels. I let him outside and placed his food dish next to the open sliding door.
I headed back upstairs to start the day. After I showered, I caught my reflection in the mirror. I looked rough with crazy hair and an out-of-control beard. After my injury I had stopped caring about a lot of things. For a while, I didn’t even care if I got better or not. I dug around in the cabinet under the counter and found a bunch of clippers and razors and fancy beard maintenance crap my dad had always used. He had always been very vain and fastidious about his appearance. I was not vain, and I was a long way from fastidious, but I figured I should stop being a total slob.Just a trim, I decided.
If Lily could see my face, she might miss it more. It was weird to think about her again with any sort of hope. I had spent so many years trying not to think about her at all. Too many years spent trying not to die, without really living.
After I got out of the shower, I checked my phone. I had a text from Rose:
Rose:FYI. Whatever progress you made with Lily has been undone. You “have to talk” to her when you get here.
I shoved my phone into my pocket, marched into my room, and began to dig around in my closet. When I was deployed for the first time, Lily hugged me tight and slipped something to remember us by into my pocket. The locket and its delicate gold chain glinted in the light. I examined the lily of the valley embossed on the front before carefully popping it open. I smiled at Lily’s toothless grin in the picture. We were both five and beaming at my mother as she told us to say “cheese.” The other side held a picture of us at prom. Rose had gagged and threatened to toss the camera at my head if we didn’t stop kissing in front of her.
I tucked it into my pocket. It was time to prove that I was not going to give up on her, and maybe remind her of a few things while I was at it.
It was barely seven in the morning when I pulled into my spot in front of my building. McCabe Contracting was now the largest contracting company in the area. As a kid, I had rejected all my father’s attempts to get me interested in his work. He hadn’t really wanted me to take over his business; he just wanted people to think he did. Dad had been all about appearances.
At first, I was surprised that he’d left everything to me, but then I remembered his obsession with his reputation and it made perfect sense. What would people think if I inherited nothing?
Truth was, he’d hated me and blamed me for my mother’s death. She died in a car crash on the way to pick up my eighth birthday cake in town. If I hadn’t been born, there would have been no need for a cake.
I keyed the code into the door and went inside. I crossed through the small lobby area to my office suite. I stuck my head into Liam’s office. “How’s your grandma?” Liam’s grandmother was like family to me. I used to join Liam whenever he visited her.
“She’ll be fine. She’s scheduled for an angioplasty later this morning. I’m about to finish up here, then head out to be with her.”
“Glad to hear it. Give her my love, and I’ll swing by later to visit. I’m going to get a coffee. Want anything?”
“No thanks, I’ve already had two this morning. Violet is a coffee master. Not hard to look at either,” he added. “She’s married, right?”
I nodded.
“Too bad. Does Lily have any other sisters besides Violet and Rose?” he asked.
I laughed. “You don’t like Rose? She’s single.”
“She’s hot but kind of—” He glanced up at me, then stopped talking with a guilty look.
I laughed. “You won’t offend me, man. Rose is a tough one. She’s a tiny, evil ginger ninja. I grew up with her, and sometimes she scares me. There’s also Holly, the youngest sister.”
Liam looked intrigued, and I shook my head. “Nope, don’t even think about it.” I trusted Liam, but Holly had always been like a baby sister to me. I was compelled to warn him off.
He laughed at me. “Look at you going all big brother. Don’t worry. I was just curious.”
“I’m out. Later, Liam.”
“Good luck.”
Chapter 14
Lily
Ihad been a wreck all night, and it was hard to hide my mood this morning.
Part of me wanted to listen to my heart and dive right in. I wanted to know how he had changed. Every time I got the courage to look in his eyes, I could see the difference in him. There was a new depth there, one full of sorrow and loss. He had been places, seen things that I hadn’t experienced with him. I was afraid of the differences as much as I was intrigued by them.
Lately, I had been letting my fears dictate my life, and I needed to stop. But weren’t some fears valid?
