“Can we be friends again? I can be patient.”
I laughed softly at that. “You’ve never been patient.”
“For you, I will be anything. I will do whatever it takes. Ihave been missing you for years, and you haven’t been mine to miss. I only saw you in my dreams. But my eyes are open, and you’re right here in front of me, more beautiful than ever.”
“I have feelings and memories too, but I can’t allow myself to get lost in them. This is too much for me right now,” I told him, because he had to know the truth.
“Don’t get lost. I’m not asking for that. I just want to talk to you, be friends with you again, to try?—”
“You don’t want much, do you?” I teased with a laugh. I needed to steer this conversation back into the realm of casual.
“Just you, back in my life,” he replied, grabbing the proverbial wheel, and steering us back into Intenseville.
“Well, we’re not starting with my heart on a platter, Luke.”
“We can go slow. We can just talk, get to know each other again. I will explain everything to you when you’re ready to hear it. I’ve learned a lot, Lily. I’ve changed a little bit too. We can go at your pace,” he offered.
“My pace is going to be slow. Possibly nonexistent. Think snails and old ladies with walkers. I don’t want to lead you on. I’m telling you upfront—get rid of all your expectations. I don’t have much left in me,” I warned.
“You have everything I want. I can still see it in your eyes.” He dipped his head and looked up through his lashes at me. “When I can get you to look at me, that is.”
My heart couldn’t take this. “You can’t say things like that. That is not going at my pace.”
“I’ll be honest about how I feel and when you’re ready, you can be honest about how you feel too. But I promise not to push you.” That half-grin was back. I could never resist it. Especially always knowing he would kiss me after doing it. And why did I get the impression he thought he knew how I felt?Ididn’t even know how I felt.
I spent the rest of our time together this morning trying to avoid his eyes as well as the ever-present memories. And after he said goodbye and left, I had to stop myself from rushing tothe window to watch him walk back to his office. Instead, I watched him walk away from what I thought was a surreptitious position at my table. Violet’s reaction when I turned around to go back to work told me I had been completely obvious instead.
“Whatever, Vi.” I huffed as I made my way behind the counter.
“I saw you watching that booty walk away,” she teased.
I laughed, but sensing my heart wasn’t in it, Violet’s expression shifted, and she hugged me. “You’ll be okay, Lily. Don’t you worry about a thing.” She didn’t tease me again for the rest of my shift.
Upon returning home I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to let Luke back into my life. But I managed to shove those thoughts aside so the kids and I could spend a quiet evening together. I thought I would be okay until Luke’s bedtime call to Dylan added another crack to the wall in my heart and shook the foundation.
I stared at the ceiling in my room for hours until finally falling into a fitful sleep. Dreams of Luke filled my head as I tossed and turned before being roused by Calla for a midnight feeding.
I stared out the window as I rocked her. How would I make it through tomorrow, let alone live in a town where Luke wasn’t mine?
And how could I ever trust him enough to let him back into my life?
Chapter 9
Luke
Ihad never been to my office this early before. Four thirty in the morning was not my favorite time of day, especially when I had been too nervous to sleep the night before. But if I wanted to run into Lily and have any real chance at talking to her, I had to get to Violet’s before she opened. The lights were on as I approached the door and I could see Lily removing the chairs from the tabletops and arranging them back on the floor.
She spotted me and opened the door before I could knock. “Hi. What are you doing out and about so early?” Damn, she was cute in her tight little coffee T-shirt, which read, “How you brewin’?” Her hair was up in another bun, and I was dying to see it down, to get my hands in it again, to tug her close and kiss the hell out of her. She used to love it when I would run my fingers through the soft strands and massage her scalp. It was hard to keep those thoughts out of my head, but I had to try. She hadn’t even heard me out yet.
“I saw your car when I drove in, so I came over to tell you good morning. Did the zombies quiet down for you last night?” I teased.
“I barely got any sleep. I think Calla is going through agrowth spurt. She wanted to eat all night. She was a little fussy and a lot hungry. But when my mother showed up and took her, she went right to sleep against her chest, the little booger.” Watching her closely, I saw her relax. The range of emotion on her face had gone from tense to smiling in the thirty seconds since I showed up at the door.
“She’s beautiful, Lily. Just like her mama.” Now she was red in the face. Was it embarrassment, or was she about to invite me in?
“Thank you. I kind of love her a little bit,” she joked as the flush on her cheeks deepened. “Do you want to have coffee with me?”
Yes!“I would love to. How is Dylan?” I followed her to the counter, watching sexy sway of her hips as she walked.
