Her smile was knowing. “He’s a good boy. All he could talk about earlier was you.”
Feeling dumbstruck, I just blinked in response. I didn’t know what to say. So much was changing in my life and, so far, all of it was good.
She studied my face with a smile as I contemplated her words. “I didn’t end up eating at my parent’s house and I’m starving. Let’s get out of here,” she finally said.
We got into our respective vehicles and re-met at the food truck lot in the center of town. Luckily, we were able to score an empty table after grabbing our tacos.
“So. What did you mean before when you said it’s been a long time?” she eyed me with a sly grin.
My mouth opened, but I didn’t answer. I took a gulp of my Coke and looked everywhere but at her.
“Thought I’d forget about that, did you?” Her eyebrows raised expectantly as she took a huge bite of her taco, cursing when half of it fell on her plate.
I shook my head. “I can’t talk about this with you. I didn’t mean to bring it up.”
“You can talk about anything with me, like always. Pretend I’m a guy if you have to.” She snatched the baseball cap off my head and put it on backward. “There, hit me with it. Should I burp or scratch myself somewhere inappropriate? Would that help loosen you up?”
I shook my head, trying my best not to laugh at her earnest face. “I can’t?—”
“Fine.” She looked around the seating area before whispering. “You haven’t had sex since Lily. That’s it, right?”
“Uh...” I turned bright red. I could feel my cheeks burn above my beard. Rocky let out a sharp bark at my feet and nudged my leg. Damn, even he noticed I was embarrassed.
Her grin was smug. “Nailed it. It’s okay to be nervous. I think it’s sweet. What I wouldn’t do for that kind of loyalty?—”
“I can’t even think that way yet. Come on—” Ishouldn’tthink that way yet, but it hadn’t stopped me. Ever since seeing Lily at my house, she had been the only thing on my mind.
“Fine, moving on. What was it like for you? I mean, over there. Not having sex with my sister, becauseew.”
A startled laugh escaped before I could stop it. “You’re chatty tonight. Maybe I should ask you some personal questions.”
“Do it.” She raised an eyebrow. “I have nothing going on. I haven’t gotten laid in over three years and I’m not ashamed of it. I have no news to share other than stuff about work and jogging with you. How can I be here for you if you don’t tell me about anything other than your back hurting or your job? Tell me something real.”
“Fine. Sometimes therapy makes me feel like two different people and I’m trying to put myself back together. Now that I’m home it’s like my time in the Army went by in a blur. But while I was there it felt like an eternity because it was all I had. Is that real enough?” I didn’t mean to be sarcastic, but I had to cover how raw my words made me feel. Brutal honesty was too damn hard.
Her eyes softened. “I could see feeling that way. Actually, it makes a lot of sense. But listen, I’m glad you’refeelingnow. When I first saw you again—” Hesitating, she looked away.
“It’s okay, say it. I know how fucked up I was.”
“Your eyes were dead, Luke. Like you weren’t even there. Was it always like that for you?” Her words hit me physically. I flinched.
“Sometimes I wish it had been. Then I wouldn’t rememberanything.”
“You’re safe now, you know. And we’re all here for you. I know I’m being pushy, but it’s because I want you to be okay. You can tell me to back off any time and I will.”
“I know and I appreciate it. But I’m not so broken I can’t be here for you too. You know that right?”
“I know.” Her lips tipped up in a smile. “But you’re not broken, Luke. Not at all. You’ve always been one of the strongest people I know.”
I swiped my hat from her head and put it back on. “Thanks for saying that. I’m trying.”
“I know you are, and don’t take this as me being condescending—I’m proud of you.”
Touched by her words, I smiled at her. “That means a lot to me. Thanks, Rose.” We finished our tacos and I walked her to her car, just like I did in high school. On my way home, I drove past Lily’s house to see if everything was okay.
Every light in the house was on.
I had known her forever. I knew she was scared of the dark and alone with her kids in the house. She was probably trying to be brave. But fuck that. She’d been through too much lately and she needed her family. One thing that therapy taught me is to reach out when you need help, and I knew she wouldn’t do it. I sent a text to her dad to go check on her and waited by the curb until he pulled up in his police SUV. Maybe it was presumptuous and not my business, but if no one had butted into my life, I wouldn’t be here right now.
