Luke:Works for me. Sweet dreams.
Lily:See you tomorrow.
So much for relaxation. I tossed my phone onto the bathmat and blew out a sigh. I tried to relax again but it was no use. Luke had me keyed up and I couldn’t calm down. Visions of his gorgeous face and super-sexy body danced through my mind and I decided being naked in the bathtub was not a good idea anymore. At least I’d managed to wind down for five minutes before getting all twisted up in a knot again. I pulled the plug and got out, quickly dressed, and headed for bed.
Hours later, I woke up with a start in a tangle of sheets with Gram’s beautiful quilt tossed to the floor. Rose was right about me and my nightmares. My heart pounded hard, and my mind raced with jumbled thoughts of Luke and of Will and how to deal with being stuck in this town full of memories. I got out of bed and headed into the hall to check on the kids. The floor creaked with every step I took along the old dark wood. I peeked into Calla’s room to find her sleeping. With a quick glance at the clock, I smiled at the time. A new sleep record—yay! I crept into Dylan’s room. He was asleep too. I should be asleep along with them.
I was wide awake and in the aftermath of a nightmare. My history told me that going back to bed and trying to fall asleep would be pointless. I descended the stairs for a change of scenery, turning on every light as I passed. Being in the dark after a nightmare freaked me out. Honestly, being in the dark freaked me out, period.
I should have never encouraged my kids to start sleeping through the night. I hadn’t been doing so well with my own thoughts lately. Was it wrong to wake a sleeping baby? Right now, I needed my kids more than they needed me, and it made me feel weak. There were so many things I didn’t want to think about, and now that my life had begun to settle down somewhat, those things long buried were rising to the surface.
At one point in my life, this hour would not have been late. Now that I was a mother, this was definitely past my bedtime. I got a Diet Coke out of the fridge, but it was caffeine free. Yucky, but better than not having a Diet Coke. I headed out of the kitchen and into the living room, filling the house with light as I went.
I sat down on the sofa and covered myself with one of Gram’s quilts. It was almost as good as a hug. I stared out the front window and tried to stop my racing thoughts. Sitting in this familiar place, surrounded by the night sounds I hadn’t heard since I was a kid, made my mind wander to places I didn’t want it to go. Luke had been in this house just as much as I had. I could look anywhere in this place and find a memory. I propped my feet up on the coffee table and tried to rein in my anxiety. I was tempted to call Rose, but I was not ready to admit defeat.
Since Will died, I had been stuck in a whirlwind with no time to think. With so much other stuff to focus on regarding his death and finding out I was pregnant, it had been easy to bury my grief. Later, after I’d developed pre-eclampsia and had gone on bed rest, I’d had my pregnancy to focus on. I had been so afraid I would lose Calla—the only part of Will I had left—that I had forced my mind into a state of blankness to keep my blood pressure under control. I hadn’t been alone like this since he had died. I had nothing to distract me, no funeral to plan, insurance company to call, clothes to donate, or newborn baby waking up every hour or two. Jane, Mom, or one of my sisters weren’t here to check on me and keep mecompany. I mean, my kids were here, but they were asleep, so they didn’t count right now. Right now, I was stuck in this dark quiet house alone... and losing my freaking mind.
I got up again to check on the kids. Both were still asleep.
I can’t stand this.
Tension built in my chest. Had I drank too much coffee today? God, I hadn’t had any coffee since I’d found out I was pregnant. I felt like I could run a mile in a minute or jump up in the air and fly. I was about to burst out of my skin. I continued down the hall and descended the creaky staircase once more to head into the kitchen. I dumped my Diet Coke, turned on the tap, and filled a glass. I sipped and squinted against the beam of light that shone through the window. It looked like a flashlight beam shining in the distance. The glass I held crashed to the floor and shattered. Gram was going to be so pissed!
I fumbled and flailed, slapping my hand against the light switch and plunging the kitchen into darkness. I spun wildly around in circles once I reached the living room until I spied Gram’s baseball bat in the umbrella stand. I dashed to it and held it at my side with a trembling hand as I fumbled for my phone in the pocket of my robe to call my father.
I jumped when I heard ringing from outside on the front porch. I took a breath and put my eye to the peephole. I had never been so glad to see my big brother. Cade stood there with my father at his side. Cade was a cop, too. I sighed with annoyance as my heart rate slowed. It was probably one of their flashlights I had seen. I opened the door. “Dad, I saw a flashlight from the kitchen window. Was it you guys checking up on me?”
They pushed past me to enter the house and rush through to the back door.
“Uh, come on in,” I muttered.
A few minutes later they came back inside.
“No one is back there. But Dad is still checking it out,”Cade said. “We just left a scene. You have all the lights turned on, so we stopped to check on you.” He gestured to the baseball bat I still gripped in my hand. “It’s okay now, Lily.”
I put the bat back in the umbrella stand and crossed my arms over my chest. “I was getting a drink of water and saw a flashlight out in the yard. It startled me. I dropped a glass in the kitchen,” I blurted. I was definitely rattled.
“I’ll go sweep it up. You’re barefoot. Go sit down,” Cade ordered. He hugged me quickly as he walked past me to enter the kitchen. I curled back up in my quilt on the couch.
Dad reentered the living room and crossed it to sit in one of the wing chairs. “Did you have a bad dream? Is that what woke you up?”
“Yeah. I just woke up a few minutes ago. I won’t be able to go back to sleep.”
“I’m sleeping on the couch tonight,” Cade said from the kitchen. He came back into the living room with a bag of Oreos and a glass of milk.
“Violet stocked your fridge earlier and I haven’t been to the store in days. You’ll be doing me a favor. You have all kinds of breakfast stuff in there. I’ll cook in the morning.” Cade had a way of getting what he wanted by which you didn’t realize you’d been steamrolled by him.
“Oh, sure. Thank you.” I agreed, grateful that I would be able to sleep since he would be here.
Cade sat on the other side of the couch and carefully placed his glass of milk on a coaster on Gram’s old coffee table. He handed me an Oreo. I stuffed it into my mouth whole. He laughed and passed me another. I stuffed that one in too. Stress-eating was kind of my thing. He grabbed a handful, then gave me the rest of the package with a grin.
Cade was the best big brother. He’d been a grade ahead of Rose and me in school, and all our friends had had crushes on him when we were growing up. Even though he was my brother, I could admit he was a catch.
“Tell me about the flashlight,” Dad said, snapping me out of my wandering thoughts.
“It was out back, in the trees. Should I be worried? I thought maybe I imagined it. I was kind of spaced out.” I stole Cade’s glass of milk and took a huge gulp. He rolled his eyes and took a bite of cookie.
“No one was there,” Dad replied. “There are footprints, but gardeners were just here yesterday doing some clean-up. Has anything out of the ordinary happened?” He nodded at Cade, who tossed him an Oreo. Cade looked at me to give him some more.
