“Now I want to see how you taste.” I reach down and grab for him, but he stops me.
“Not tonight, cupcake. As much as I would like nothing more than to feel your soft lips and tongue around me, this was all about you.” He kisses the side of my neck.
I can’t help thesinking feeling I get. My body tenses and I fight to keep from holding my breath.
“Don’t do that.” This man reads me like a damn book.
“Do what?”
“Look so disappointed. I don’t, and won’t, ever regret what just happened. But on the chance you might, I am not going to let things get carried away.” He plants a soft kiss on my lips.
I pull away. “I need some distance.” I’m slightly embarrassed that he turned me down.
“Are you ok?” He looks genuinely concerned.
Yes, but I don’t want to tell him that I can’t stay here because I’m worried I’ll have to see his regret unfold, if he has any. “I am. I need space to process not to fall apart. I promise.”
“Alright, but if you start having conflicting thoughts, I want you to discuss it with me.” He pulls my hand to his mouth and gives it a tender kiss.
I stand to climb out of the hot tub, his hungry eyes scanning the length of my naked body, but he doesn’t move. “Dream about me when you go to sleep,” I tell him.
“I’m going to dream about you before I go to sleep, cupcake. You can count on that.” He gives me a wink. I have to get out of here. My brain short circuits when he looks at me like that.
The low lighting, alcohol, and steamy air, combined with my post-orgasm euphoria would make it easy to beg him to fuck me, but that’s not who I am.
I will never beg for a man’s attention or affection.
Chapter 24
Nick
My dick is painfully hard as I watch her walk away. It takes every drop of my dwindled self-control not to chase her in the house and carry her to my bed.
As soon as the door closes, I grip myself tightly in my hand. I have to let one go before I’m able to think about what just happened. I stroke myself while licking my lips and savoring what’s left of her on my tongue, she tastes so sweet—my new favorite flavor.
I pump hard and fast, working through my sexual frustration. I finally got a taste of her and already want more. The way her pussy squeezed my fingers so tight when she came…fuck that was hot. I pump myself harder, imagining what she would feel like pulsing around my dick.
So tight…so wet…It doesn’t take long, and I have to stand and come in the towel I brought to dry off with. My release barely knocks the edge off.
Settling back in the hot tub, my unsatisfied dick still semihard, I reach into the basket of fruit I brought out here and pop a strawberry in my mouth. What just happened with her goes against my better judgement. How can I tell my men to keep their hands off her when I can’t even follow the same advice?
They won’t look out for or protect her like I will but that doesn’t mean I’m any good for her. If I keep letting this happen, she might get attached—if she isn’t already—and I’ll just be another man who lets her down.
She can’t trust me if I’m the one taking advantage of her. It doesn’t seem like it now, but that’s what it is. As much as she stays on my mind, and as much as I can’t help but want to be in her space when she’s close to me, I still can’t give her love and affection if that’s what she needs. I’m not capable of it.
If she wants to go out with Marcus, I might have to let her be the one to make that decision. The thought sends me into a rage, but deep down I know keeping her locked up and not letting her experience life on her own is only going to backfire on her progress.
If I can’t give her the relationship she wants—if that’s what she wants. It would be selfish of me to keep her from finding someone who can give her what she needs in that department. I sure as fuck am not going to like it, but I don’t have to, as long as she’s happy.
I may need to take up smoking again to keep myself from ripping Marcus or whoever her boyfriend is to shreds if she lets him touch her because they won’t tell her no. They will do exactly what I did and more.
Lucky bastards.
Fuck. I don’t want go through with this, but I have to. It has to be done to keep me from destroying her. I won’t lie or lead her into believing I want something I don’t, but girls sometimes try to change a man for that and will break themselves to do it.
Maybe I can back off from her and just refuse to let her date. I need a clear head and right now I don’t have one. I’ll revisit these thoughts tomorrow.
I exit the tub and take everything inside. As I am putting the dishes in the sink, I catch movement out of the corner of my eye.
