It’s no bigger than the palm of her hand. It starts meowing loudly and clawing at her fingers. It’s going to need supplemental feeding, at least for tonight. She can find the mama cat tomorrow.
“Follow me and I’ll show you where the syringes and milk replacement are.” I gesture for her to get up, even offering to help her, but she doesn’t accept.
She gives me the biggest, most genuine smile I think I’ve ever seen. It’s my turn to roll my eyes. I’m going to have to go find someone to punish to prove to myself I’m not going soft.
Chapter 15
Maya
I’m waiting on the tracks to break and the train to derail, but it seems to be holding steady. My life the last few days has been a rollercoaster ride. Full of ups and downs, twists and turns. It’s a stark comparison to the complete downward spiral of the last eight years.
Hopefully one day I’ll live a life that stays more on the upside of things. I know nothing will ever be perfect, and I’m more than willing to accept that, I just need life to give me a reason to keep on living.
I can’t believe I’m alone with Nick. The walk to the barn is quiet, but that doesn’t stop me from admiring the way he moves so fluidly and with confidence.
He opens the door and lets me in first. I accidently brush against him while trying to avoid stepping into a bucket that’s carelessly laid in the doorway. His arm reaches around me to catch my fall and a thrill rushes through me. There’s no denying an attraction to him.
But can I really trust him? I watch as he fixes the milk for the kitten. He’s tough on the exterior and he’s let me get away with things I would’ve been punished for in the past. But when does the façade drop and the true colors come out? You can never be sure.
He encourages me to speak up and is now even offering me a choice on employment instead of forcing me into it. I didn’t think that’s what I wanted, but it’s easier to say yes when it’s on my terms.
I could stay here, bury myself in therapy, work, and my studies and leave when I’m ready, but I don’t want to be constantly running away from myself. That’s exactly what I’d be doing, keeping busy to pass the time before moving on to the next venture.
Therapy can only take me so far. I have to learn to take the learned steps from those visits outside and apply them to everyday life. The hands-on opportunity Nick is giving me will train me to deal with tough situations, which will work to my advantage in any aspect of my life. Earlier today when I decided I was tired of being the victim and tired of being broken, I said this was the turning point in my life. Then the going got a little tough and I tried to run away like a fucking coward.
The kitten’s loud, demanding, meowing interrupts my thoughts. It’s no doubt hungry. Nick hands me a syringe with a nipple attached.
“I’ve never fed anything like this before, how am I going to know I’m doing it right?”
“Gently open her mouth and let some of the milk drip on her tongue so she can taste it.” His hand gently grazes against mine, helping me hold the now frantic kitten’s head still.
My heart rocket launches itself out of my rib cage and into my throat by his touch and close proximity. His other hand cups around mine and shows me how to hold the syringe. For a moment, our eyes meet. I’m relieved to see the softness in his.
These close encounters just might be the death of me. I can’t tell if they have any effect on him, but if they do, he does a good job of not showing it. At least he doesn’t appear to be repulsed by me.
“Once you got it in her mouth, push the plunger slowly and she should start to suck. Sometimes it takes some coaxing as the bottle isn’t natural to them.” He gently demonstrates what to do then hands it to me. “You can find her mother tomorrow and put her back in her litter to be nursed, she’s not old enough to be weaned.”
I’m sure this is a side of him most people likely never see. “Can I keep her once she’s weaned?” I look down at the kitten trying to sip from the nipple on the syringe. Its little ears move with each suck. It’s the cutest thing ever.
“You can have any animal you want on the farm, within reason.” He lets go of my hand but doesn’t move away.
I wonder what his definition of “within reason” is. “You mean now is not a good time to tell you I’ve always wanted a tiger, giraffe, penguin, and a monkey?” It’s not a lie, I would love to have one of every animal.
“I suggest you move to the zoo if that be the case,” he says with a smile.
I like this relaxed version of Nick so much better. I would be more willing to discuss things with him if he was like this all the time.
“What about the beach house? Can I have a cat there?” I try not to get my hopes up when I ask.
“No.” He says firmly.
I guess it’s best that I find the kitten’s mama tomorrow; I will get too attached if I am taking care of her every day.
After we finish feeding, Nick shows me how to make her use the bathroom. He gives me some supplies and instructs me ontimes to wake and feed her. Good thing there’s an alarm clock in my room.
Nick walks behind me as we head towards the house. When we get there, he stays on the porch, instead of following me inside. I idly wonder where he sleeps. Ethan never showed me Nick’s room.
I decide to head back to mine, but he speaks before I can get the front door open. “I’m leaving first thing in the morning. Ethan will be here to help you throughout the duration of your stay.” He says softly, taking a seat on one of the wooden rockers.
