I hear Ethan approaching behind me. He doesn’t say anything as he sits next to me. My face is buried in my arms, tears streaming down my face. I wish the floor would swallow me up.
We sit in near silence as I cry and cry for what seems like an eternity. I don’t belong here. I belong in a jail cell or run-down shack like the rest of the trash from Whiskey Rivers.
I know I have to face my demons, and I know I have to face my own consequences, but that’s so much easier said than done. I should’ve never left the house that night. If I would’ve just stayed, I could’ve ended it all for myself and not had to worry about facing any more of my demons.
“Hey,” Ethan finally breaks his silence, “going to work for Nick might seem like the end of the world, but I promise it’s not.” Ethan gently rubs my back and to my surprise, I don’t want to run away.
It’s actually somewhat comforting. I almost trust Ethan. He hasn’t been mean or inappropriate towards me.
“How do you put up with him? He’s such an asshole.” I have to cough to clear my throat, my voice is shaky, and I still don’t want to look up. I’m scared Nick will be standing there, too.
“Nick is what most would call an acquired taste. He’s rough and very dry at first but I promise you his intentions are Michelin star.”
I doubt that. Nick looks like a Michelin star-type person but he’s poison, absolutely pure venom.
“I know I’ve dug myself into a hole, but I don’t need his constant reminders that he was the one to pull me out when I didn’t ask for help.” That’s why people like me keep to themselves—when people see you trying to do good, they want to throw the bad in right back in your face.
It reminds me of one of my favorite Jelly Roll songs where he talks about how no matter what he does he’s only judged by his mistakes, and he’ll still be hated even if the good outweighs the bad by a million to one.
That’s the story of my life. I try so hard not to be a burden, to be a huge fuck up, but that’s how people see me. I know what I did was wrong, but a caged rat will fight back eventually.
“I know that and he does too. Don’t give up, ok? I’ve enjoyed having you around, Rivers.” His tone is so soft and gentle I want to believe him.
“I’ve enjoyed being here, with you. I don’t know if I can handle working for him.” He hands me a tissue and I unceremoniously blow my nose. Gross.
“Look, just give it some time. I’ll make you a deal. If you stay here and work hard towards bettering yourself, I’ll dress in drag and do the hula when the job is done.” I stifle a laugh because the look in his bright blue eyes tells me he’s dead serious.
“Isn’t that fromThe Lion King?” Mama allowed me to watch movies when my dad was gone, and that was one of my favorites.
“Yeah, but I bet I look way better in drag than Timon.” There go those lady-killer eyes and million-dollar smile again. I can’t help but giggle at the thought of Ethan decked out in drag. He would look fabulous.
“Fine. But if it’s ok, I want to go lie down.” I’m exhausted. It wears me out when my anger and rage boil out.
“Take some time for you, no pressure. You can come down when you’re ready. I’ll be outside if you need me.” He gives me a soft pat on my knee and walks outside.
When I reach my room, I note my bed is made and my laundry has been folded and placed neatly on the chair in my room. I wonder who has been in here? Not like I have anything of value, but still.
On the bed there’s a white envelope withMayawritten on the back in the most beautiful handwriting. I tear it open and pull out the note tucked neatly inside.
Welcome to Ryker Family Farm!
Dearest Maya,
It’s a pleasure to have you join us. I hope you find everything you need to make your stay as comfortable as possible. Our home is your home. I will be doing some shopping in a few days if you would like to join me. Nick tells me you could use some new clothes. All of your expenses will be covered by the staff account while you are here. Please let me know if you’d like to join me.
Sincerely,
Elizabeth
P.S. -I’d be delighted if you would come by for a glass of sweet tea in the evenings.
I fold the letter and place it back into the envelope as I start to cry again. I can’t stay here. This is too much for me. After everyone goes to bed, I’m leaving.
I lay on top of the comforter and pull the edge over my body before drifting off to sleep.
It’s dark when I finally wake up. I rub my puffy eyes to clear the sleep from them. Glancing at the clock I see it’s 11:34 p.m. I never nap for that long.
I don’t know where I’m going or how I am going to get there, but it’s time to get a move on. I peek my head out of my bedroom door. The house is dark and quiet. Everyone must be asleep.
