My mind shifts back into the present, becoming aware of the fact that Ethan is now shaking me. That is one of my worst childhood memories because it wasn’t really a plant that was destroyed that night. The horror that occurred was so intense, my mind refuses to acknowledge what really happened and skews the memory of it each time it replays.
I flinch, covering my face as I jump to my feet, my wobbly legs causing me to lose my balance and trip over a bucket. Pain bursts through my side from an old, and now new, injury to my hip.
Ethan is staring at me intently. I inhale a deep, shaky breath and slowly let it out, trying my best to fight back tears. “What the hell happened, are you ok?” The look on his face is of genuine concern.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just got a little dizzy. I think it’s from all the activity,” I lie. He side-eyes me, not buying my story.
“I’m throwing the bullshit flag, Rivers. Tell me what happened there.” His hand reaches for my leg. I pull away instinctively.
“I’m fine, I swear, I just lost my balance. I’m sorry about the rooster. I don’t know how I can buy you a new one, but I don’t mind working for it.” A tear escapes my eye and rolls down my face. I take a deep breath and hold it in, fighting to hold the rest of my tears back.
“Nonsense. There’s a bunch of those assholes running around here. This is a farm and where most of our food comes from on a daily basis. This one looks to be young, come on, let me show you how to prepare him after we bandage that wound up.” Kindness shows in his eyes and he reaches a hand out to me.
Reluctantly, I place my hand in his, fighting my shaky legs for balance. He carries the bird by its legs back towards the house. I follow closely, but not too close, still waiting on the other shoe to drop.
This is too good to be true. I’m not uneducated enough to think that safe places and people don’t exist, I’m just hesitant to think that they would want anything to do with me.
After dinner, I head to my room for a shower. Ethan made me pluck every single feather off that bird. It took me so long he said we would wait to cook it tomorrow.
The warm water cascades over my hair and down my body. My side is bruised from where I fell and my leg stings from the rooster. Thankfully, it’s not too painful and Ethan gave me plenty of first aid stuff.
Despite accidentally unaliving the rooster and reliving one of my worst past memories, I had a good time. I wish it was possible to stay here forever.
I still haven’t met Nick’s mother. Ethan said she wasn’t having a good day, so she stayed in bed. She has dementia, andsome days are better than others. Ethan said I’ll eventually be able to meet her.
Part of me wonders why Nick doesn’t stay here or move her in with him. My grandmother had Alzheimer’s. One of the hardest things for Mama and I was saying goodbye to her while she was still alive.
I don’t know Nick well enough to understand his reasons for keeping her here. I do know everyone deals with grief differently, maybe it’s too much for him. Not everyone can emotionally process watching their loved ones decline.
I finish my shower and as I am getting ready for bed, a warm breeze blows through my open window. I glance over to see the most beautiful monarch butterfly perched on my windowsill, resting its wings.
My heart constricts and my breath hitches. Mama loved butterflies. They were her and my grandma’s favorite, especially monarchs.
The tears well my eyes. “Hey, Mama,” I whisper. The butterfly gently flaps its wings, as if responding to my words.
“I miss you so damn much,” I sob, the tears falling from my eyes, stinging my freshly exfoliated face. I sit on the edge of the bed, hands folded in my lap. “I don’t know what to do without you. I feel so hopeless, so lost. I just want us to be together again.” The wings flap again.
“As hard as I try to make that happen, the more I seem to fail.” I pause to take a few ragged breaths, trying to keep some composure. “I just need to know that if I stay here…” I pause, “I mean alive, that everything is going to be ok.” The wings flap for a third time, but this time harder.
The butterfly floats from the sill into the breeze towards me, landing on my chest, just over my heart. I let out a loud sob, my heart simultaneously breaking and filling with love. It’s the strangest mix of emotions.
It stays there for several seconds before momentarily fluttering to my cheek. When it breaks away and floats towards the open window, I choke out my heartfelt plea, “Please don’t leave me,” but it keeps going as if its allotted time here was up.
Gripping my pillow tight, I cry myself to sleep.
“Come on, Rivers! It’s time to get up!” Ethan calls from my doorway. I open my eyes and see that it’s still mostly dark in my room.
“Go away, Ethan, it’s the ass crack of dawn and I’m still tired.” And my head hurts from crying myself to sleep last night.
“The early bird gets the worm!” His voice is way too chipper for it to barely be breaking daylight.
“Yeah, but the second mouse gets the cheese,” I grumble, knowing I have to get up and earn my keep. I’ve never been a morning person though and most likely never will be.
“The way I see it, you have two options. One,” he holds up a single finger, “you get out of bed, get dressed, and meet me downstairs or two,” he puts the second finger up, lingering slightly before speaking again. “I’ll jump on the bed until you’re so annoyed with me, you have no choice but to get up.”
“You can’t be serious,” I deadpan.
“I’m rarelyever serious, Rivers, but try me and see.” He leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed. Million-dollar playboy smile in full view.
