My chest deflated.
“I love you, Spencer. And I want to be with you, too. But is that even possible now?”
Before pulling me in for a hug, he ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. His arms were locked around me, and even with my ex-boyfriend that cornered me into a bathroom earlier, sitting in the other room, I felt safe in Spencer’s arms.
Butsafedidn’t mean this relationship would work out.
“It’s not going to be easy. But the naïve side of me wants to say I think it could be possible. He has some growing up to do and big apologies to make. And apparently, he and I have more things to hash out than I thought. But with time, and some inner work, things could be different.”
He made it sound so easy. But he didn’t have the same kind of history I had with Jax. They were father and son with an already rocky relationship. The type of bond that came later in life. And before they could even truly be father and son, they had to work out a friendship first.
Jax and I had years together with absent parents, broken childhoods, young love, college—and now all of this. I had no idea what Jax felt for me at this very moment, but I knew I’d never have feelings for him again. Even if we had been through hell and back. He opened wounds that would take years to heal, and I’d moved on. I wasn’t the girl he once knew.
Even with there being a chance that we would never get to see where this could take us, my heart belonged to his dad, whether he liked it or not.
“I can’t tell the future. I have no idea if Jackson will stick around, if we will ever mend our relationship after all this, or if he will be in the picture or not. But what if he is?”
Spencer pulled me back and searched my eyes for answers I couldn’t give him.
That question was loaded. I hadn’t had much time for it to sink in. Before, I just knew Spencer had a son my age, but we hadn’t talked about me meeting him. We were spending our time focusing on us.
Now, that son happened to be my ex-boyfriend. And not justanyex-boyfriend—the worst kind. The kind that cheated, manipulated, gaslit me, and had been purely evil for the last couple of years.
That question wasn’t just loaded. It was the kind of question that changedeverything. It was a grenade with the pin half-pulled and ready to explode.
“He’s your son, Spencer. We can’t change that?—”
“Please. I have a feeling I know what you’re going to say, and I’m begging you, Bella. Please just work through this with me.”
My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach as the words I never wanted to say fell from my mouth, “I just … I need some time to process.”
This man had done everything for me for weeks now. He went above and beyond to show his love for me. To show me what it was like to be with a man. After a shitty past—a past that his son put me through—he showed me what it was like to be treated like a princess.
Even with all the memories we’d made, the secrets we shared, and the love we had for each other, I still didn’t know if it would be enough.
The two of them had a lot to talk about without me here, and I needed to be alone with my feelings for a while.
“Avery, please…”
“Spencer, I think I need to go. Let you guys talk. I just need some fresh air.” My hands fell to my sides, and the moment they slipped away, it felt like my heart went with them. My eyes dropped to the floor, and after the words fell from my lips, my feet began to move in the direction opposite of the man I loved.
“Bella...” He reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me back.
My eyes blinked up at him, holding back the tears that wanted so badly to break through the dam.
“Kiss me.” His hoarse words lingered against my lips as he paused, waiting to see if I’d back away.
When I didn’t budge, his lips brushed mine for what felt like the last time.
I’d done everything I could to hold back my emotions. When I tried to run out of here so I could cry it out, he pulled me back. And with the intensity in which he kissed me, holding on to me for dear life, my walls broke down with each tender kiss.
With every tear that rolled down my cheek, he kissed them away like they had never been there to begin with. He kissed away my sorrow and made it his own.
Caging me in with his arms, he made it hard to escape. I wanted to get lost in this kiss with him for the rest of the night. But truthfully, that wouldn’t be possible. We were having a moment in our own personal bubble, but the second it burst, we’d be smacked in the face with reality.
Once I found the strength to pull away, my teary eyes met his. And for the first time since I’d met Spencer, a different version of him stared back at me, only proving that we didn’t have enough time together for me to see this side of him.
Scared.
