“Peyton and Jayson talk?” I asked, even more confused.
“Long story. We can get into that later. But … I’m not mad at you. If that’s what you think? I was made aware that you two met up, and honestly, I just want to get it all out in the open.” His chest deflated as if he was feeling instantly relieved.
“He reached out. Said he wanted to talk.” I pulled the covers off me, bringing myself upright so I could give Spencer my full attention.
“I desperately wanted to talk to you first. I thought about texting you back every night. But I think I needed that conversation with Jax more than anything.” I swallowed thickly, hating the way those words tasted. “I was desperate for answers.Why he did what he did. And surprisingly, he gave me much more than I was expecting, and I don’t even think I’ve processed it all,” I admitted as I dropped my gaze from his.
“Maybe talking to me will help?”
Every response that came out of his mouth was full of understanding and patience.
I nodded. And while he waited for me to figure out where I should begin, he held my hand in his. When his thumb started to trace along my skin, the simple act of comfort relaxed me enough that I could finally string my thoughts into sentences.
“I think it’s important to recognize that he apologized. Even if it seems impossible to accept his apology; it really did seem like he had thought it all over since our last interaction. He dove deeper into what he mentioned about his mom, and me living with them after my mom passed.”
Spencer looked intently into my eyes, listening, and taking in every word before he offered me his insight. I relayed every word Jax told me that I could possibly remember. How he resented me. How he resented his mother. How he told his mom everything he’d done these last few years. How he admitted every wrongdoing.
“I understand you won’t be able to forgive him overnight. I’m going to struggle with it myself when it comes to giving him some grace. But I’m glad you were able to get a little bit more clarity.” His finger danced along my cheek, brushing my hair behind my ear.
“I think after I tell you this next part, maybe you’ll have more clarity too…”
Spencer’s eyebrows dipped, the look on his face pleading with me to tell him.
“He begged his mom for the real reason as to why she never told him about you. Or I guess, in this case, you about him.”
My hand met his chest, returning the comfort he had just given me. Underneath the palm of my hand, I could feel his heart thump against his ribcage in anticipation.
“The way he described it didn’t sound malicious. She was young—you both were young. Her parents essentially punished her for her mistakes. They told her she had to do it all on her own if she wanted a roof over her head and their help with Jax while she went to school and worked.”
“Jesus.” He let out a pent-up breath as his head fell against the headboard.
“I’m sorry…” I dropped my head, feeling guilty for being the bearer of bad news.
“No. Avery, you have nothing to be sorry about.” Spencer lifted my chin and pulled me into his comforting embrace. The smell of his musky body wash instantly putting me at ease. “It’s just a lot to take in. I-I guess, I need to have a conversation with my son.”
“I know he wants to talk to you. He actually told me to let you know that he was going to give us some space, but whenever we were ready, he’d be available to talk.”
On one hand, it was hard for me to be so understanding and to push my boyfriend to talk to his son who once made me feel lower than low. But on the other hand, I loved this man more than anything. And seeing him so tormented over how his son had treated me … it crushed me. He’d already missed out on so much of his son’s life, and I didn’t want to be the reason he missed even more.
It would take some much-needed exposure therapy to get over everything Jax did to me, but if it meant Spencer could have his son in his life, andactuallyhave a stable relationship with him, I’d work harder than I ever had to make that happen.
“Would you be okay with that? Me talking to him.” Spencer’s rough voice cracked into my thoughts.
“I will never get in the way of you having a relationship with your son.” Wanting him to feel every bit of honesty behind my answer, I placed a kiss on his lips.
If you would have asked me when all of this was fresh, when Jax confronted me and dropped an unexpected bomb on me—finding out his dad was my boyfriend—if I would have ever put my feelings aside for the man I loved, I wouldn’t have had all the answers.
Although it was torture, the nights away, and the unanswered texts were worth the time I took to think. To talk it all out with my best friends. To let time pass and allow myself to sit in my feelings. To somehow get to the point where I came around to the idea of sitting across from the one person in my life who had hurt me most.
“You’re sure about that?”
I understood why he’d want to double-check. What Jax put me through—putusthrough—wasn’t small.
It flipped my world upside down.
“I’m sure. He uh … He actually gave me some clarity on something from my past. Something I don’t think I ever would have known if it wasn’t for him.”
Cocking his head, Spencer asked, “What do you mean?”
