And then I’d wake up.
Alone.
No mother.
No brother.
Not even a dog.
And definitely no smile.
Just me.
Tears drying on my cheeks, washing whatever happiness I had away.
Laughter was a far cry from my reality. Probably because I was too busy fighting—fighting to stay inside the dream where I was living and not dying. Where I was loved and not lost.
It was a vicious cycle—dream, reality, dream, reality. Over and over until the line between them blurred.
The only saving grace was my sister—my dream weaver. She lived inside my dreams and outside them, too, stitched into every corner of my mind. I carried her with me everywhere I went. I had to. Letting her go wasn’t an option.
She was the magic in my chaos. Tossing my tears into the rain like camouflaged confetti. Half the time, I couldn’t even tell the difference between the two.
“So, you find this funny?” Gabriel huffs, yanking me out of my thoughts.
I startle, not sure why I’m smiling. It’s all so confusing. But I know for sure I didn’t laugh. Not really. Not the way he thinks.
He brushes his fingers across my forehead, smoothing out what I’m sure are creases of confusion in my skin.
“It doesn’t matter, sweetheart. I love you regardless.”
The words hit me softly, like warm water dripping onto cold hands. I rest my head on his chest, breathing him in as he folds me into his arms.
“It’s just that I’ve been through a lot,” I say, offering him the tiniest puzzle piece. “And… I’m shy, I suppose.” Sounds better thanstuck in the rain.That would require too much truth. Too much unraveling. And I’m not ready to be unraveled.
“Ah… but you weren’t so shy at my home in Spain,” he reminds me, kissing the tip of my nose.
He’s right—I wasn’t.
Not that I’d abandoned my boundaries with him.
I hadn’t.
But I’d definitely let them soften. Bend.
He was getting close… dangerously close.
I start walking again, pulling him with me, swinging our joined hands as if that simple motion is enough to keep me in the present.
“You know, you’re gorgeous, right?” I ask, teasing… but also, not. “And incredibly funny. And kind. And?—”
Ugh. I blow out a breath because the truth is clawing its way up my throat, and I can’t stop it. I want to tell him. Everything. Just open my heart and let the bleeding begin. But the moment I try to speak, something small and scared inside me shakes its head no. This truth belongs to Alex first.
“It’s just that when I’m with you… I feel something that I’ve been craving for such a long time—forever, actually. But I’m afraid. Afraid of that feeling. God, I don’t know how to explain it.”
I glance up as leaves spiral down from the trees, floating like feathers on a breeze. I breathe in the crisp scent of the season—and him—and allow myself to relax.
“Like… what if I let myself love you and then you leave? Or I get lost? And then I can’t find my way back into the?—”
