His head bobs again, and I only just manage to catch him before his nose submerges.
Through fractured breaths, I push him into a back float. I tread alongside him, one hand nudging up his head when it dips, the other straining toward his hips.
There’s no way he’ll survive the lake’s current like this. No way I have the strength to keep both of us up.
I don’t even know if I can save myself. Every gulp of air burns in my lungs like fire while the cold sears my skin.
My gaze latches on Salvatore’s unconscious face. He looks so weak, so vulnerable.
My heart wrenches beyond any of the horrors of our immediate dilemma.
This isn’t how Salvatore is meant to look. He should be grinning his cocky grin, sauntering around like he owns every room he’s in—or could claim it if he wanted to. Gazing at me with a gleam of promise in his bright eyes, both adoring and hungry.
No, that was my Salvatore. This one… This one doesn’t know me even that well.
My Salvatore could have shifted the whole river to land us on the shore?—
With his glim.
The glim that hasn’t woken up in this Salvatore yet.
I could change that.
The imagined scene of the warping river and the thrum of power that would come with Salvatore’s deepest gift stills my thoughts. Water splashes into my mouth before I realize my jaw’s gone slack.
I sputter and cough, my mind still reeling.
Activating his glim will boost his energy, jumpstart his mind. Could I really?—?
Every nerve in my body recoils from the idea.
I can’t. I ruinedeverythingthe last time, for all of my matches. I can’t risk screwing up four more lives.
I can’t abandon the mates I inadvertently left behind.
As I wheel my legs beneath me, memories of the men I’ve loved float through my head. The tenderness and passion they showed me in spite of everything…
I don’t know if sparking a different connection will shatter what we had, leaving our original bond broken if I manage to get back to them. How can I betray them like that?
But I also don’t know if there’s any chance Iwillever get back to them. Aunt Daphne’s the expert, and if she can’t see a way…
I don’t even know if I’m going to survive the next half hour to be around to try. I’m sure Salvatore won’t.
Am I really going to let this version of him die just to cling to the scraps of a life I’ll probably never return to?
I did already ruin his life once. How can I possibly ruin itmorethan if I drift away while he drowns?
Kali help me, what am I supposed to do?
A stark certainty rises through the panicked questions, looming as cold and impenetrable as an iceberg.
I’m not going to get answers from gods I could never quite believe in, not even the ones my ancestors might have prayed to.
No UFO is going to beam us out of this river. No angel is going to bestow a miracle on us.
It’s only me. Like it’s always been, whether I liked it or not.
I have to make the decision myself. And then I have to live with it.
