“You’re going to pay us back,” Angelo said, and even over the phone, I could picture him shaking his head, practically see his disappointed expression.
I started to agree—anything to make it so they weren’t mad at me and end this conversation. But then something stopped me. “Wait,” I said. “How am I supposed to pay you back?”
There was silence on the other end. “Well,” Oscar said, sounding like he was trying not to smile, “I would suggest getting a job.”
“I wasgoingto get a job,” I said, and I was surprised to hear that my voice was shaking. “I was going to work at the Mermaid Café with Bryony all summer. But then you told me we were leaving….”
“Hold on?, now,” Angelo said, sounding confused. “You said you were okay with that.”
“I know.” I ran a hand through my hair, trying to get my thoughts together. “But did I really have a choice?” I blinked at that, surprised. I hadn’t even known I’d thought that. Why was I suddenly fighting with my dads about it? All of a sudden, I thought about what Freddie had said—that I was mad at them. And about the flare of anger I’d felt toward them when I’d thought about prom night—how it seemed like they were more interested in making sure I was going along, as usual, than in what was happening in my life.
“Cass,” Oscar said, his voice surprised. “We didn’t know…”
“I have to go,” I said quickly. I wasn’t sure what conversation I’d wandered into, but I wanted to get out of it as soon as possible. “I-I’m sorry about the money. I’ll pay you back.”
“Cass!” Angelo said, but I was already hanging up. I knew they wouldn’t remember this, but I would. I tried to push this away, tell myself that I was fine. Just like I always was.
A second later, though, I could feel doubt creeping in. Was that true?WasI always fine? Or had I kept moving, always looking ahead, so that I wouldn’t ?ever have to think about this?
My phone was ringing again, and I knew without even having to look that it was my dads. Of course they were going to want to talk this out. And if I turned off my phone to ignore the calls, I had a feeling that there would soon be an announcement, summoning me, my name echoing over the whole park.
There was just one thing to do. I left the bags behind on the bench and headed for the exit.
Ilay on my back, wide awake, staring up at the ceiling. I was back in First Aid, which had become very familiar to me.
I’d tried to sleep through this. I’d tried to go on a shopping spree. But I knew, deep down, that I ?couldn’t spend my whole life this way—avoiding things and hiding and distracting myself. I knew it was time to go.
I pushed myself up to sitting and picked up my bag.
Nurse Helen stuck her head into the room and smiled when she saw me upright. “Feeling better?”
I nodded. “Thanks. I think I just needed a moment.”
“I’m glad. You’ll want to have fun while you still have time!” She gave me a smile before heading out?, and I just sat there for a moment, taking in her words. Thinking about all the things I’d never done because I didn’t have the time—and flashing to the keyboard under my bed, the one that came with me on every move, but that I’d never really learned to play.
It hit me that time was suddenly something that I had alotof.
So what did I want to do with it?
Itried to tell myself, as I walked up to the door that led backstage, that it wouldn’t bestealing.I was borrowing, if anything. And everything was going to reset, so who would be bothered by it?
I’d gone back to the usual routine—telling Bryony to go on the roller coasters, and then splitting off from Ms. Mulaney when she got her phone call—which meant I was free to do some light breaking and entering.
But it wasn’t even reallybreaking, I reasoned as I looked around before pushing through the wooden door and walking along the path that led to backstage. It wasn’t like anything was locked here. I was pretty sure it was only breaking in if you had to, well, break in. Right?
I’d tried to time it as best I could, even though I didn’t really know where Freddie was, since I hadn’t met him in this loop and we hadn’t gotten food or spent any time together. Probably he was off getting Irn-Bru for Niall, to apologize for daring to pursue his own dreams…not having any idea that Niall was going to do everything he could to wreck them.
I pulled open the unmarked door, and all the stagehands looked up from their poker game at me.
“Can we help you?” Violet asked.
“Oh,” I said, blinking and looking around. “This isn’t—the bathroom?” They all just shook their heads. “My bad! I’ll just…”
Iwaited outside the door, feeling my heart beat hard. I knew that there was a window here—after all, I’d lived it. There had been a moment when I’d left the dressing room and walked out to see all the stagehands were gone? and I was all alone in the hallway. So I just had to find the right timing and I’d be home free.
“Okay,” I muttered to myself. I knew there was only so long that I could stand outside a door I wasn’t supposed to be near without attracting attention and questions that I really didn’t want. It was time to just go for it.
I pulled open the door, stepped into the hallway, and held my breath as I looked around. It was totally empty, but I wasn’t sure how long that was going to be the case. Acting like I had every right to be there, I walked with purpose down the hallway, where I knew the instrument cases were.
