“Me! I am!” Manny yelled, stopping to take his selfie. On autopilot, I pulled Bryony out of the way so she wouldn’t get knocked over. Then I ran my hands through my hair, my thoughts in a whirl. I had tried to un-wish this—and it hadn’t worked. What was I supposed to do now? How was I meant to stop this? Where were myinstructions?!?
“Cass, what’s wrong?” Bryony asked, peering at my face. “You look really pale. Like even more than usual.”
I knew this joke was coming, but I smiled anyway, almost against my will. “I just…need to think about something.”
“Think about what?” Bryony sounded baffled. “Like, what we’re doing tonight? You have to make a plan?”
“Uh, kind of.” I walked over to the nearby bench and sat down on it, trying to get my thoughts in order.
“What’s going on?” I looked over and saw Amy and Carlos heading toward us, Amy leading the way. For the first time, I noticed the strain in Amy’s eyes, the way she already seemed on edge, before anything had even happened—before the two of them had any of the fights they were going to have tonight. And I also realized that was probably the reason Amy kept coming over here. She was clearly just looking for some kind of distraction, and we were closest.
“No idea,” Bryony said, raising an eyebrow at me. “Cass just needs to think about something, apparently.”
“Let’s think about havingfun!” Carlos practically yelled, and I saw Amy wince.
“Yeah, you guys go have fun,” I said, even though I knew that they wouldn’t. “I’m just going to take a second. And then I’m sure we’ll see you later.”
Amy still hesitated, but Carlos nodded. “Come on, let’s do it to it,” he said, reaching out his arm for Amy’s. She followed, but I noticed her pulling her hand away, fiddling with the strap on her bag instead.
I watched them go, then looked down at the ground for a moment, trying to marshal my thoughts. Un-wishing this hadn’t worked. It wasn’t going to be that simple.
Even though I’d been trying my best to push them away, Freddie’s words were still echoing in my ears—that this wasn’t about helping him and the band. That it was about me, and all the people here that I’d left behind without explanation.
So maybe I just needed to apologize to all of them. Surely that would do it? If I had to learn some lesson here, that would cover it, right? I turned this over in my head, trying to find flaws in this logic but couldn’t come up with any.
I jumped to my feet, already feeling like I was one step closer to getting my life back on track. I’d say my apologies, walk through the door, and everything would be back to normal. In no time at all, this whole night would feel like one very weird,?? very long dream.
“You okay?” Bryony looking relieved as I came to stand next to her.
“I’m okay,” I said slowly, trying to sort out how best to do this. The easiest way, I decided, was probably just to jump right in. “I just wanted to apologize.”
“Apologize? For what?”
“The thing is, I’m actually—moving to Oregon. Tomorrow.” I swallowed hard after I said it. Bryony and I had had this conversation before, but that didn’t make this any easier. I took a breath and said the rest all in a rush. “I know I should have told you before now. And I’m sorry.” I glanced over at the streetlight, hoping that maybe I’d see a little bit of a flicker—like maybe this was enough to get things back on track.
“You’re…moving,” Bryony echoed. She blinked at me, like she was trying to make this make sense. “To Oregon?Tomorrow?”
I nodded, feeling my heart constrict a little. I had to look away from her face, filled equally with hurt and disbelief. This exact expression was why I hadn’t ever wanted to have these types of conversations—why it had always been simpler to just slip away.
“And you’re just telling me now?”
“Really, I wasn’t planning on telling you at all,” I said, and then realized a second too late what I’d done. “I mean…”
“You were just going to—what,leave?” Bryony’s eyes were wide with disbelief. “Just vanish on me?”
“I…” I could feel myself start to sweat, even though the night, as ever, was cool. “I thought we could have one last fun night….”
“So was this why you said you couldn’t go to the concert? Because you knew you wouldn’t be here?” Bryony was speaking slowly, her voice shaking slightly as she put it all together. “But if you’re leaving, how can you work at the Mermaid Café with me?” She stared at me for a moment, and then her face crumpled a little. “Cass. Did you evenapply?”
“Like I said,” I said, trying to ignore the fact that my cheeks were getting hot with shame, “I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner.”
“You think I’m just mad about thetiming? I’m mad that you’ve apparently been lying to me, forweeksnow. That you were going to…going to leave me alone and not even tell me why?” The hurt and disbelief was clear in her voice, and I could see there were tears in her eyes. “You knew how hard it was for me when I got dumped and all my friends ditched me. You knew that and still…” She took a shaky breath?, and when she spoke again, her voice was breaking, cracking with emotion. “How could youdothat to me?”
“It’s…” I shook my head, trying to get myself to focus. “We’re both going to college in the fall. So this would have happened anyway?…” My voice trailed off.
“Ofcourseit wouldn’t have.” Bryony was looking at me like she’d never seen me before. “You can stay in touch, Cass. You don’t always have to discard people. You don’t always have to be the first to leave, just because you’re worried someone’s going to leaveyou.”
I felt tears sting my eyes, and I took a step away. My heart was beating hard. This wasn’t the clean, easy absolution that I’d been hoping for. I wasn’t feeling any better. In fact, I was feeling distinctly worse, like I was on the verge of tears myself. All I knew was that I couldn’t stay in this fight, with Bryony looking at me like she didn’t know who I was. “I have to go—?find some people. I’m sorry….”
