What if I tell her and lose the friendship too?
My phone vibrates on the nightstand. Relief floods through me when I see her name on the screen.
Liz: SOS. This dress. I can't.
Me: On my way.
Walking down the hallway toward her room, I'm caught between hope and terror. Maybe she wants to talk about yesterday. Maybe she regrets everything. Maybe she's going to end this before the wedding even happens. Maybe I'm overthinking everything because I've been in love with her for so long, I can't see straight anymore.
She opens the door, and my breath catches in my throat.
Liz is in that purple bridesmaid dress, and while it still isn't the most flattering, she is so fucking gorgeous it makes my chest constrict. I always get this feeling whenever I see her, as though I'm laying eyes on her for the first time.
"Hey, Liz. What's wrong?" Trying to act casual after everything is so fucking hard.
"I really, really look like an eggplant. An angry, purple eggplant going to a funeral."
"A very attractive eggplant."
"That doesn't help."
"You want me to lie?"
"Yes, please. Enthusiastically. Just to make me feel better because I don't want to cry as I walk down that aisle."
"Fine. You look like the most beautiful eggplant at the farmers' market. The kind people fight over. The organic, locally-sourced, worth-the-premium-price eggplant. The one they use at Michelin-starred restaurants."
She fights a smile and loses. "I hate you so much."
"No, you don't."
"No, I don't. Can you just ... fix my hair? I can't get the clip thing to work. Maura won't let me borrow a member of her glam team. My hair's so short, there's not much I can work with."
"I'm a pilot, not a hairstylist."
"Please?"
God, I am so gone for her. She can ask me to walk on coal, and I'd do so with a smile. She turns around, presenting me with the back of her head and a silver hair clip that's hanging half-attached to a section.
I don't even know what the hell I'm supposed to do, so I just try not to make it look like it's about to fall off.
Half an hour later,the ceremony starts with a string quartet playing something classical while guests stand for Maura's entrance. Meanwhile, I can't take my eyes off Liz.
She's standing on Maura's side, holding a bouquet of white roses, wearing that purple dress, and looking more beautiful than any bride I've ever seen. Every bride I'll ever see, probably, because the only wedding I want to be at is ours. That's never happening because I'm too much of a coward to tell her the truth.
Maura and Ted exchange vows. Something about love, commitment, and forever. Standard wedding stuff that I'm barely registering because Liz is looking down at her bouquet. I can see the exact moment she gets emotional—her throat bobs, eyes go bright, and that little breath she takes when she's trying not to cry.
Is she thinking about us?
About how this could be us, if I just?—
Ah, fuck. Stop being delusional, you moron.
Maybe she's just emotional because weddings are emotional, and I'm an idiot for thinking it has anything to do with me.
The officiant pronounces them husband and wife. Liz looks up and catches my eye, and something flickers between us, pullingat something tender inside me. The moment comes and goes so quickly, I might have just imagined it.
Guests applaud, rising from their seats, and I lose sight of her in the shuffle toward cocktail hour.
