Toni leapt aside as AJ’s stomach contents splashed onto the pavement.
AJ didn’t remember Dave taking her home. Her last snippet was seeing the graffitied Ana and Rho billboard from the BQE and bawling.
At least, she told herself, she’d finally hit rock bottom.
Then “No” went viral.
It happened the Mondaybefore Thanksgiving. What began as a single “hot Black Friday markdowns” tweet featuring her orgasmic “No” GIF germinated into three million hits overnight.
By Tuesday, “No” had ten million views and was being plastered across the internet, from business accounts to personal Twitters, as the cool new way of saying “These sales/boots/grills are so good, you’re going to want to fuck them.”
By Wednesday, the clip had twenty million views, and the guys in AJ’s bodega had started staring at her. At the checkout, she caught a glimpse of her grungy self on the security monitor. Between the show’s paltry reach and Ana’s daily blowout, AJ was rarely recognized.
But now the entire world was staring at her “No” face.
That night, AJ called home and told her mom she could no longer make Thanksgiving. She couldn’t face her family. Particularly her dad.You do paint quite a picture.What would he say now?
Instead, she stayed in her apartment all day listening to Dave (also skipping the holiday) playWorld of Warcraftthrough their shared wall, mired in regret.
Into the Bluehad been a ruinous mistake. Knowing Em Tyner hadn’tlaunched her career, it had imploded it. Knowing Noah’s story hadn’t healed her heart, it had broken it.
All AJ wanted was to write jokes, and instead she had become one.
Someone had left an entire case of Mike’s Hard Lemonade in their fridge. AJ downed each sticky bottle at her computer, staring at Noah’s email address.
Hey, so we’re a GIF now…that old chestnut! And now I can’t escape the image of how much I want to bone you…but who can! Also, I still want to bone you. Anyway, happy Thanksgiving!
Delete. Delete. Delete.
She was still in her PJs when the doorbell rang at eight-thirtyp.m.
AJ’s big brother, Patrick, stood outside, rosy cheeked, snowflakes in his hair. “Say it’s carol singers,” he said with a smile.
At this well-meaning quote fromLove Actually,AJ promptly burst into tears.
It was still snowingas Patrick marched her up the block to Jimmy’s Diner, where he watched her house an entire Williamsburger before leaning in. “Look, I’m not going to pretend to know what you’re going through. The scale is…But I want you to know that you have nothing to be embarrassed of.”
AJ put her forehead on the table.
“It’s not that bad,” he said, nudging her arm.
AJ sat up. “It is so incredibly bad,” she said. “And the worst part is, I can’t laugh at it. I’m supposed to be able to take a joke, and I don’t think I’ve ever thought anything was less funny.”
Patrick’s eyebrows creased as if the answer were obvious. “So make fun of it.”
“What?” said AJ, pilfering one of his fries.
“Clap back,” said Patrick. “Get your Irish up. Turn yourdisadvantage into an advantage.”
AJ looked at him, startled.
Patrick shrugged. “I’m working on my dadisms for Charlie and Claire.” As he expanded on this, a quote fromLaughter & Deathcalled to AJ like a horn through the fog.
It should be noted that a player’sroledoes not necessarily dictate theirstatusin a given scene. A plumber can make a CEO grovel, should they choose.
AJ might be a joke, but she didn’t have to be a victim. She still had a move. Outside the window, the next square on her path was lighting up in bright white.
“Snow” was a thirty-secondparody of the original “No” clip; it opened with AJ and Dave in an exact imitation of the “No” pose—only instead of “No,” this time AJ said “Snow,” and the camera cut to an erotic shot of flurries out the window. Cut to AJ and Dave playing in the snow, licking the snow, snorting the snow, and getting frisky in a threesome with a snowman.
