“Thatis what I burned down,” he said. “Mrs. Sherwin saw the smoke and called the fire department and the whole thing got blownwayout of proportion.”
“What was it?” said AJ, squinting at the strange blackened mound.
Noah cleared his throat. “A dog house. For Marlow,” he said. “My dad took her when he left, but we could never bring ourselves to get rid of it. Until…”
His eyes were distant. “When I was seventeen, my mom went off her depression meds. I have no idea why. And one day I came home from school and found her unresponsive in the bathroom.”
AJ stifled a gasp.
“Yeah. The doctors insisted that it was more of a cry for help than a genuine attempt on her own life,” he said. “I mean, she took the pills in time for me to get home and call an ambulance…”
“Noah,” said AJ. She couldn’t imagine how that must have felt. “I’m so sorry.”
He glanced at her shyly. “I was in pretty bad shape after. And I was pissed. I didn’t think this should all fall to me, and so one night, I decided I’d show my dad by destroying the one thing he’d ever liked about this house. Which was…exceedingly dumb, considering it got me dumped with him for my senior year. Doctor’s orders.”
He nodded toward the street, and they slowly began to retrace their steps. AJ didn’t want to think about what awaited her at home.
“So how long were you in L.A.?” she asked.
“Two years,” he said. “I graduated, then I just sort of…fell into the scene. My dad didn’t give a shit if I sank or if I swam. He just wanted to party so that’s what we did.”
An image of Noah surrounded by models glimmered in AJ’s mind. She realized dully that he probably had a lot of experience. “Oh no, an all-you-can-eat buffet of aspiring actresses. Soundsrough.”
“That’s not—”
“Admit it.”
He bit his lip. “Fine,” he said, and AJ’s chest caved. “But it’s nothing to romanticize, certainly nothing to…look up to. The novelty wears off pretty fucking fast, then you’re just chasing the high. Those girls…their eyes aredead.But by the time you see it, it doesn’t matter because so are yours. It’s a selfish existence. Meaningless.”
As they turned onto her street, AJ kept her gaze on the pavement, waiting for him to continue.
Noah shoved his hands in his pockets. “One night about a year after I graduated, we were out, and my mom called. She wanted to wish me happy birthday, and…I didn’t even know what day it was. I just remember listening to her voice, staring at this champagne fountain thinking,If I don’t get out now, I never will.”
AJ glanced at his long profile. “So you gave up being a scenester to, what, get hazed?”
Noah laughed. “We call it basic training, but yes. And it was exactly what I needed—being expected to pull my own weight, regardless of my last name…sometimes in spite of it.”
They had arrived back at AJ’s house. The picture window was in shadow. A faint blue light flickered in the boys’ room—hopefully Mike was gaming with Pat. Hopefully they were okay. AJ hesitated at her front walk as a fresh wave of embarrassment overtook her.
“This was a bad night,” she said quietly.
Noah nodded. “Well, whenever he’s having a bad night, you can call me.”
AJ bristled. “This isn’t, like, a regular occurrence.”
“I just mean I get it,” he said quickly. “My dad’s the same when he drinks.”
AJ stared at him in alarm. “What?” she said, panicked. “That’s not—I never said that. My dad doesn’t—”
Noah looked stunned. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”
The fuckhe didn’t. “My dad isnothinglike your dad,” AJ growled. Howdarehe. “I mean, he’s here, isn’t he?”
Noah’s jaw clenched. He nodded.
“I don’t know what you think you saw, but this was just a bad night,” she repeated.
“My mistake,” said Noah, not meeting her eyes. He looked…hurt.
