The kitchen is a cry for help,AJ wanted to say but she couldn’t, so she laughed.
AJ would have gladly let her brother in. She could have used the support, to say nothing of Noah, whose retinue of doctors notably did not include a therapist. But Noah’s diagnosis was his secret, and she could not breach his trust; so as long as he was alone with it, so was she.
Patrick reached for his braces and heaved himself out of the chair to go check on dinner. Noah tracked his movements, his jaw tight. Then Charlie popped up before him.
“Look,” he said, waving a red Hot Wheels car in Noah’s face.
Noah’s enormous hand opened to receive the toy. He smiled. “This looksjust likemy car.”
He let Charlie lead him onto the floor, and the two of them began to play. AJ didn’t normally have swoony feelings watching men entertain kids—she never had with Brian. But she had to admit, Noah looked pretty natural at it. Within a few minutes, Charlie was climbing all over him.
As he lifted Charlie onto his shoulders, Noah’s gaze tripped lovinglyover AJ, and he sent the red toy car zooming toward her feet. AJ felt a swell of warmth as she reached for it.
From the kitchen door, Elle caught AJ’s eye.Full. Moon. Circle,she mouthed, and winked.
AJ hadn’t seen Patrick and Noah interact since the night Pat had played the protective-older-brother card at Reel World Video, and apparently nothing had changed. Her brother’s continued attempts to vet Noah were anything but subtle.
“You working right now, man?” Patrick inquired over dinner.
Noah’s eyes creased. “Not at the moment.”
Patrick nodded. “Is that normal? I don’t know how movies work. Is this still where you see yourself in, say, five years?”
“Okay,Principal Belding…” said Elle, giving AJ a sympathetic look.
Patrick grinned. “Iknow. You and Age should be in a movie together.”
Noah genuinely smiled at this. “I would love that,” he said. He turned to AJ. “Seriously, I would give pretty much anything to act together.”
AJ blushed. “Would you leave the kitchen the way it is?”
Noah shot her the same look he’d worn at Comic-Con—a little annoyed, a little smitten. As Patrick guffawed, Noah’s eyes slid to his wheelchair.
He was quiet on the drive home.
“Way to air our dirty laundry in there,” AJ joked, attempting to lighten the mood. “AJ’s a terrible Taurus.Who are we, George and Martha?”
Noah smirked. “Don’t worry, Elle set me straight,” he said. “Apparently being deeply resistant to change is extremely Taurean. You are, in fact, a good Taurus.”
He gave her an affectionate look but said nothing further. AJ monitored him from the passenger seat, feeling his energy grow more remote with each passing mile.
“Are you upset about something?” she ventured.
Noah glanced at her and shook his head. “I’m not upset,” he said in a low voice. AJ could tell there was more. She waited. Finally, he spoke as they turned onto his street. “I’m jealous.”
AJ had not expected this. She looked at Noah’s long profile, and suddenly it clicked into place: his ease playing on the floor with Charlie, his preoccupation with her having the opportunity to be a mother, his first question after Patrick’s accident, his innate dad-ness…
“Because they have kids?” she asked softly.
Noah’s jaw tensed. He nodded as they pulled into his driveway.
The next day, AJtook her laptop upstairs to “work on screenplay revisions,” and spent the morning googling “reverse vasectomy,” which apparently was a thing. As was, she learned, genetic testing in utero. It was possible to screen for the Huntington’s allele before implanting an embryo using in vitro fertilization. It cost a fortune, but Noah had a fortune.
Paradoxically, AJ found herself willing to consider it—perhaps because she knew Noah never would. He didn’t operate by half measures. He hadn’t wanted to adopt a dog without being sure he could give her a good life. He hadn’t wanted a partner for the same reason. There was no way he would have a child knowing he’d be gone before they were fully grown.
AJ closed her computer and reached for Eudora’s director’s notes—she could use a distraction. Unfortunately, by the time she realized what entry she was on, it was too late to stop reading.
September 3, 2000
