“I asked Mom not to say anything, so I could give you the full demonstration,” said Patrick.
AJ’s relief was short-lived. When she returned to the waiting area, she found her family stooped and daunted. The glimmer of this news was already a few days old for them, and they were back to staring down the long, dark road of Patrick’s recovery.
In that moment, AJ would have done anything to bring some light to her loved ones, to take away their pain. She could feel Brian’s eyes across the room. When she looked at him, he stood.
They drove into town, bought coffee, and meandered toward the Housatonic River Walk. The forest was covered in snow, but the footpath was clear.
When Brian told AJ there was something he’d been wanting to ask her but he wasn’t sure if the timing was right, she said it was. When he told her that the last two years had been his happiest, and that he always wanted to be there for her, she said he could. And when he took out a small black box and asked her to marry him, she said she would.
AJ’s parents celebrated thenews with a massive dinner at home. AJ might never have fantasized about being a bride, but like all women, she knew what was expected on this occasion and tried her best to act the part. She posed for photos with Brian and allowed her sisters and Elle to gawk at the ring, a square-cut solitaire in a platinum Elsa Peretti setting, according to Libby.
“That’s at least two carats,” she said knowledgeably. “He did good.”
When the meal had ended and the plates had been cleared, the Graves family settled in front of the television for a basketball game.
AJ watched from outside her body as Brian and her father shook their heads then tipped back their beers in perfect synchronization. When Brian caught her staring, he got up and gave her a one-armed hug. “I know we’re cutting back,” he said. “But beer doesn’t count, right?”
“Right,” AJ heard herself say. Then she volunteered to go for a supply run.
Ten minutes later, she found herself on the sidewalk outside Reel World Video.
Thanks to a robust senior community who still thought DVDs were cutting-edge, the store was hanging on. AJ greeted Storm, then went into the Directors room and stood still between the shelves, letting the shop’s musty, familiar smell envelop her. She took a breath, and then another.
She would be happy with Brian. Shewould.He was a catch. And hewantedto be with her. And they got along. And he’d been really amazing during this crisis. And her family liked him. This was what normal people did, the next step on the path to a good life.
At length, AJ walked back into the front room of the store. Storm was decorating for the Oscars, affixing DVD cases to an enormous gold display.
“Big week ahead for your boyfriend,” said Storm, addingThe Contract.
“Right,” said AJ, feeling giddy for the first time that day.
Noah didn’t win. Theconsensus was largely that he had been snubbed. AJ agreed.
She had returned from Gladstone that Sunday too late to meet up with Brian. Instead, she sat in her apartment, eating Pringles and waiting for Noah to walk the red carpet.
His memory hung around Simmons, a phantom presence appearingto her in quiet moments, reminding her of New York, of what she had said, of who she had become. This week, he had also literally appeared inUs Weeklywith his latest girlfriend, Allison Seabring.
Allison was an indie darling, a serious actor on Noah’s level. She was lively, and interesting, and interesting looking—lithe, with a dirty-blond chop and a cobalt stare. When they arrived at the Oscars, Noah took such care helping her from a shiny black limousine it made AJ’s skull hurt.
He looked incredible, dressed in a classic peak lapel tuxedo. He had gotten some sun, no doubt from his and Allison’s recent—and heavily photographed—Bermudan getaway. Despite AJ’s best intentions, she put aside the Pringles and grabbed the vodka from the freezer.
By the time they were playing the Best Actor clips, AJ was pleasantly buzzed. FromThe Contract, they showed the speech in which Nathan Mercer sort-of-confessed to killing his best friend, a fellow contract killer sent to bump off the woman he’d loved since childhood.
“They called him a wise guy, but he was a wise man,” the speech began. By the end, AJ was in tears. The camera found Noah in the audience, Allison’s hand reaching inside the frame to grasp his forearm. His face was impassive as he nodded in acknowledgment.
You fuckingdeserveto be sick.
AJ had been through so much since December, but the remorse she felt over these words was a glowing red brand across her chest. Of all the ways it could have ended between them, she had never envisioned it ending in cruelty.
When the presenter crowned another actor, the camera went to the victor, then immediately back to Noah. His smile was genuine as he stood, heartily applauding the winner.
I’m not the only one who’s sick.
AJ looked at the vodka in her hand, immolated by shame.I don’t need this,she told herself. Then she walked to the kitchen and poured it down the sink. She grabbed the bottle and did the same.
She watched until the end of the ceremony, hoping for another glimpse of him that did not come.
AJ’s next trip homecoincided with the arrival of spring and Elle’s parents, Raven and Gawain Mabon-Fay, who descended on Gladstone in an Airstream full of suncatchers and essential oils.
