You know how to make this stop.
You know how to feel real.
I slide my fingers to my knee, digging in.
Red puts his hand over mine and sleepily mumbles, "What's going on, Bluebird?"
I freeze, heart beating rapidly.
He shifts and tightens his arm like he knows I'm fighting something even without opening his eyes. That small, unconscious movement does more than years of therapy ever did.
I lie, "Nothing."
He laces his fingers through mine, then curls them so I can't dig. He pushes, "Something's going on."
I close my eyes, practice my breathing, then turn into him.
Like always, he doesn't just glance at me. He really looks at me. His eyes sweep my face, my hands, my breathing, like he's checking for damage that isn't visible yet.
"I'm okay," I say quickly, because I hate that look and knowing I put it there.
He pins our linked fingers over my head and brings his face closer, giving me a sweet kiss on the lips, then retreating. "Talk to me."
I smile and shake my head, as fresh anger bubbles. "I'm really sorry about my father."
"That's not your fault."
"It's my father."
"You don't control his actions," Red points out.
"Still..." I bite my lip, taking deeper breaths.
He strokes my cheek, kisses me again, then repeats, "Not your fault."
A sharp knock cuts through the room.
Red quietly groans, spins so he's leaning against the headboard, repositions the blankets around us, and calls out, "Come in."
Aspen slips in like it's any other morning. She's already dressed, hair loose, carrying two steaming mugs. She chirps, "Thought you might want some coffee, and before you argue, food is happening whether you want it or not." She smiles at me.
I sit up next to Red, holding the blanket over my chest. I tease, "When did you get bossy?"
"I use it selectively." She winks and holds out the coffee.
Red and I each take a mug.
Maksim steps into the room. He's composed, perfectly put together, with no sign that anything is out of the ordinary. His attention flicks to me first, then settles on Red and stays there a beat too long.
"Thanks," Red says to Aspen, then locks eyes with Maksim. "Good morning."
Maksim gives a small nod. "Morning. Did you both sleep well?"
I reply, "Yes. Enough."
"Good." He gestures toward the windows and adds, "It's going to be a nice day out. Everyone good if we have breakfast on the balcony?"
Red replies, "Sounds good. I need to get a run in, too."
