My heart was beating hard. I wondered if Piper could feel it.
“Even now, I don’t have a clue what set me off. But I threw the first punch. I remember that, clear as day. Everything that happened afterward was a result of that one stupid impulse. I started it, and that’s something I can never take back.”
“You didn’t mean to.”
“But I did, Piper. I punched Ricker in the face with everything I had. That would’ve been enough to earn me a reduction in rank and confinement, if not worse. I’m still so fucking ashamed of it. Losing control like that.”
She lifted her head to look up at me. I averted my gaze to the wall, my expression stoic, but the racing of my heart and the emotion in my voice probably spoke volumes.
“I told you,” I said. “I’m not the hero in this story.”
“Doesn’t sound like there’s a hero at all. Just people messing up and being human.”
My eyes squeezed shut for a second. “Suppose so.”
“Someone died in that fight?” she asked.
She could see where this ended. The night my entire life had shifted and gone off track.
I nodded. “It got chaotic fast. A dozen of us brawling. Glass breaking, fists flying. Within minutes, somebody shouted that the MPs were on their way. Time to get out of there, but I couldn’t find Aaron. I hoped he’d already bailed, and I ran out the back.”
I took an unsteady breath.
“That’s where I found Aaron. He had Private Ricker on the ground. Whaling on him. Ricker was bloody and unconscious. I dragged Aaron off him and didn’t think. Just told him to go. Run. The MPs got there less than a minute later.”
“They blamed you?”
“I told them it was me.” My voice was raw. “So many things flashed through my head right before. The fact that Aaron was engaged with a baby on the way. The fact that I’d thrown the first punch and started the stupid fight. Aaron was like my kid brother. I had to protect him, like I would’ve done for Ashford or Callum. I was responsible.”
“You were drunk. Hardly in your right mind to make a confession.”
“Didn’t matter. A dozen witnesses could confirm I’d punched Ricker in the first place. My knuckles were torn up already.It all fit. But I didn’t know Ricker would die. I wasn’t thinking through all the consequences. What it would really mean for me.”
Pain bled from my voice. The shame and guilt that had wracked me all these years.
She put her hand over my heart. “But Aaron just left you to twist in the wind? What the hell? How could he do that to you?”
I rubbed my cheek against her hair, taking comfort in her even more than I was giving it.
“When I learned Ricker had died, I realized how badly I’d screwed up. Not that I wanted Aaron to suffer, but at that point, I could’ve been on the line for murder. I’d never see my family again. I thought about changing my story, but why would anyone believe me? So I tried to get in touch with Aaron. My only hope was that he’d come forward and confess.”
“But he didn’t.”
“Nope. His father showed up to see me at the stockade, where I was being held.”
“The father Aaron despised?”
“Exactly. Aaron had called him for help. Told him everything. Turned out, his father’s a big-shot attorney with high-powered clients and friends. People with serious political power. He told the MPs he was my lawyer, so he could talk with me privately. Aaron’s dad said I had two choices. If I tried to tell anyone the truth about what happened, he would destroy me and everyone I cared about. And I’d still go to prison anyway because he’d make sure I was courtmartialed and found guilty for murder. Or, I could accept a plea deal from the prosecutor and keep my mouth shut.”
“Oh, Grayden,” she whispered. Her fist tightened on my shirt, as if she wanted to absorb some of the pain I was feeling. “So that’s why you pled guilty to manslaughter instead. Refused to explain what really happened to your siblings.”
“Yes.”
“Why did you cut off all contact with everyone, though? Yoursiblings and Teller.”
Teller had tried to speak to me a few times, but what could I possibly say? It had been easier to put up a brick wall of silence. Same as Ashford and Callum and Grace. I’d refused to speak to any of them after my sentencing.
“I was too ashamed. Just…fucking broken. I’d done something impulsive for someone I thought of as a brother, and that destroyed my entire life. I thought it would be better for you all if you forgot about me. I know I hurt everyone, and I’m so sorry for it. So sorry.”
