5
The next morning, Mab decided to swing into action as soon as she had overcome the all-too-familiar problems of her churning stomach and shaky hands.Wiping beads of sweat from her forehead, she dragged herself upright from her position on her knees by the toilet, had a quick shower and wrapped herself in her most comfortable dressing gown.In the kitchen, she tried to force down a bowl of muesli but halfway through, unable to swallow any more, she put the dish down and gave way to the tears she’d been fighting since dawn.It was time to face up to her worries.
If only she could turn back the clock to any time before she had agreed to help the Crabtrees.Floundering around in her post-Pete depression, she had definitely been in the wrong frame of mind to make major life choices, but even with that excuse, Mab had managed to screw things up quite spectacularly.When Edward and Beattie had approached her to be their surrogate, she had been completely intimidated by Beattie’s emotional blackmail and Edward’s air of despair.Having already discussed the idea in great detail with Ria, who was one of their oldest friends, and the Crabtrees seemed to think that the decision had already been made.Mab couldn’t believe she had let Ria’s wishes influence her yet again, but then Ria had always been able to push her daughter in whatever direction she chose.Mab could hear her mother’s voice now, cajoling, controlling and on the end of the telephone, of course.
‘But darling, it’s only nine months out of your life.When you think about the joy you could bring to a childless couple, how can you refuse?You know the health problems that poor Beattie has had.And what else would you be doing, for pity’s sake?’
‘Well, living my own life, for one thing,’ Mab had said, with unaccustomed bravery.
‘Living your own life?You’ve turned thirty, Mabel, and you’ve got nothing to show for yourself.At least if you do this one small thing, you’ll be some use to someone else, for once.A childless couple could be happy if you’d only make a bit of effort.’
‘A bit of effort, Mum?Having a baby?’
‘Well, if I was young enough, I’d do it for them.If I was able, of course.You know how I’d have loved another baby, after…’ Ria’s voice tailed off, on a quiet sob.
‘Maybe I’m too old to be a surrogate?Have you thought of that?’
‘Yes, we’ve discussed that issue.’
‘Oh, you have, have you?And what did you all decide?’asked Mab, beginning to bite the edge of her thumbnail.
‘Beattie said she’s willing to turn a blind eye to your age.’
‘You mean they can’t find anyone else.’
Mab had wondered if it was quite normal for a mother to make such demands of her daughter, but as usual she had gone along with her mother’s wishes, knowing what would happen if she dared to defy Ria.First there would be her mother’s bewilderment at the perceived betrayal, then the deep sorrow and finally the spiral down into despair.Ever since her own tragedy, some twenty years previously, Ria had been unstable.If Mab’s little sister Katrina hadn’t been born much too early and her life hadn’t been so painfully brief, Mab suspected that all their futures from then on might have been very different.Trevor, Mab’s father, had spent years keeping the peace and trying to make his wife happy, but most of the time, Ria lived on a knife edge between depression and self-pity.Mab supposed this burning desire to produce a child for her beloved godson was some misplaced act of retribution on Ria’s part.If she provided a childless couple with a baby, maybe she could rid herself of the haunting, destructive feeling that she’d let her own much-wanted third child slip away?
So now, here Mab was, tied up in an agreement with a couple that she hardly knew.If she was honest with herself, a large part of the decision had been made because she needed the deposit on a new flat.She couldn’t even say that she’d done it totally out of the goodness of her heart.And soon Mab would be the size of a house and there would be no chance of meeting a hero; brave, strong or any other kind.
After a few minutes of indulging in the sort of crying binge she hadn’t had since Pete left, Mab sat up and reached for the kitchen roll.Enough.Drying her eyes, she hiccupped loudly and ran herself a glass of water, which she sipped carefully, testing the state of her insides.The water stayed down and gradually Mab’s mood began to lift.She told herself that there was no choice now.She had to focus on a future beyond her baby.The two words echoed in her head –herbaby.It was the first time Mab had let herself give it an identity, or acknowledged that it was her own, and not some accessory to decorate the Crabtrees’ showcase marriage.A vision of a small bundle swathed in a white woollen shawl came into her mind, and she shook herself.Whoever wrapped their babies in shawls these days?Edward and Beattie would be more likely to choose sharp little designer outfits in primary colours.
Mab stood up and went into the bedroom to get dressed and fetch her bag.It was high time she stopped wallowing and got on with some proper work.Suddenly, she couldn’t wait to head for the flat and to get her hands on a paint brush.She’d managed to quickly check out Annie’s sewing machine yesterday, which turned out to be a huge industrial beast, so making curtains and cushions for the shop would be a breeze.For now though, there were three important jobs to be done.
After giving in her notice at the newsagents’ – not much fun, as her boss seemed to take it personally – Mab set off along the riverside path to break the news about the new café to her mum and dad.She was dressed for decorating, in an ancient pair of sweatpants and a baggy work shirt, a look that she knew would not appeal to the image-conscious Ria.This was normally Mab’s favourite walk, under the willow trees and across the water meadow, but today even the family of ducklings left her cold as she went over and over in her mind the events of the previous day, and tried to imagine how they would sound to her mother.She tried out a couple of opening lines.
‘Oh, by the way, Mum, I haven’t got a job any more.I’m going to work for a random man I met when he gave me a black eye.’Or how about, ‘You know you said I needed to be more proactive?Well…’
By the time she reached the edge of the town, Mab was almost wishing she had never met the charismatic Geordie with the big ideas.She left the river and began to head for The Beeches, shoulders hunched against the biting wind.
Mab’s old home was a rambling Victorian semi overlooking rolling countryside and the peaceful Clayton-on-the-Bream lake.Although it was in such a pretty spot, it was only ten minutes’ walk from the shops, which was lucky, as Ria liked to stroll to the market carrying an old-fashioned wicker shopping basket over her arm, to buy as much organic/wholefood/locally sourced produce as she could carry.As an artist, she had her image to think about.She did look impressive as she sailed along, tall and flamboyant, with her home-tinted hair – ‘natural dark auburn’ this month – up in a loose bun and lots of jangling jewellery.Ria liked to look controversial, but Mab knew that she wouldn’t approve of the idea of giving up a steady job to work for a stranger.
Mab’s father, Trevor, greeted her with a wave as she walked up the drive between the overhanging copper beech trees.He was planting what looked like a row of fruit bushes and rubbed his back as he straightened up.His silvery curls had all the style of a bird’s nest, and there was a streak of mud down one of his tanned cheeks.
‘This is your mum’s new venture,’ he told Mab, pulling a face.‘She wants to make jam.’
‘I don’t know much about gardening, Dad, but it’ll take a year or two for these to be big enough to produce enough fruit for jam, surely?’
‘Crikey – don’t tell her that.She wants them to be ready by the summer.There’s a new village show starting in Little Mumbling and she wants to enter cakes, jam and all her latest paintings.It’s the new Millington family venture.’
They rolled their eyes at each other.Her dad hated gardening but he loved Ria so much that he was willing to put up with boredom and discomfort to make her happy.Mab wondered what it would be like to be loved like that.Pete had got huffy if she’d as much as asked him to water the house plants.Sometimes, when she and her brother Stanley were children, Mab had felt that they were both getting in the way of her mum and dad’s epic love story.Mab had guessed that her parents would be delighted when she was old enough to leave the nest.On balance, she had been proved right, at least on Ria’s side.
Trevor scratched his head and shuffled near enough to give Mab a brief hug.
‘What was that in aid of?’she asked.
‘Nothing really, it’s just that… well, me and your mum were talking last night and she told me about the Crabtrees and the thing they asked you to do.’
‘Oh, yes?’
