The healer’s eyes softened in the candlelight. “It willbe okay. Whatever you decide, my lady.”
Tethys forced a smile. “I know,” she said. But the frigid cold frosting over her bones was indication enough that it wouldn’t ever be okay. Not anymore. Never again.
Chapter 60
The goddess was pale and silent when the healers finally left. Araes didn’t know what resulted from Nora’s last examinations, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to risk asking. Her golden eyes were distant, just as they’d been when the two had first met, when he reentered the bedchamber. She had her shields up.
“How about some air?” he asked, extending a hand. Tethys’s gaze remained fixed on the floorboards, but she laced her fingers through his. Her touch was a lifeline. A reassurance that she hadn’t sunk so far into herself she couldn’t resurface. So, without words, he guided her from the bedchambers, out the palace’s massive front doors, and into the clear night air.
Coastal crickets chirped along the tall sea grass lining the path down to the city’s western harbor. Aquilae was divided into three major harbors, Araes had learned. One for each trade route. Tethys, still silent and ghostly, matched his pace as they passed pristine white homes carved intothe rocky cliffside.
When they reached the harbor, silent save for the quiet lapping of waves against wooden pilings and the creaking docks, Tethys’s complexion normalized. Her eyes still wandered the horizon, as if searching for something just out of reach.
Araes rolled his trousers up to his knees before finding a seat at the dock’s edge, letting his feet brush across the warm, salty sea beneath them. Twinkling stars reflected in each peaceful wave along its surface, their light beams bouncing from swell to swell as far as his vision could reach.
It wasn’t the ocean or the vast beauty of the night that took his breath away, though. No. It was the way the moonlight spun like spider’s silk through Tethys’s wild curls, and the shadows curling around her parted lips as she scanned the horizon.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of watching you ponder,” he whispered, resting his hand beside her. She brushed a thumb against his. The warmth radiating from her skin cast out the lingering cold from his bones. Araes smiled sadly, praying that she’d win whatever war she now fought. He wanted to hold her, to slay the demons lurking just behind those golden eyes, but something kept him still. This was a battle for her alone. When she eventually found her way back, he’d be here. He’d always be here.
“Araes,” she whispered finally. “There’s so much I haven’t told you. So much I might never tell you.”
His jaw tightened as her words sunk deeper than the salty depths beneath them. Tethys had her secrets, and as much as he yearned to see them all, to embrace them all, she kept them sealed tighter than any vault in the continent.
“Will you love me still even if I choose never to share them?” she asked, her voice wavering in the moonlight.
He paused for a moment, watching tears well in hereyes.
“Always, Goddess. I love every piece of you, even those you might never choose to give me,” he said, turning to her. He’d given her everything, but there was no expectation she’d do the same. After all that she faced in her life, all that she withstood, he knew some things wouldn’t ever be acknowledged or shared. They didn’t have to be. He would be the rock on which she steadied herself, but never the stone that shattered her walls.
“Good,” she said, letting the tears fall from her cheeks. They dripped from her chin and splattered against the weathered wooden docking. She leaned into his shoulder, allowing the connection between them to pulse with indestructible force.
Sometimes silence was the best remedy—acceptance, its healing partner. So, Araes stilled and evened his breaths. Tethys’s shoulders shook with quiet sobs as they watched the tide roll in. He embraced her sadness, let it seep beneath his skin. She didn’t need words of advice or a guiding hand, no.
Not right now at least.
She needed an ally in this battle against time. Against reality. He would take all the pain, all the anger, that flowed from her eyes. He would yield to the sheer power of her grief. Because in this quiet moment of solitude and silence, all that mattered was her cheek against his chest. All that would ever matter washer.
† † †
The draught remained untouched on Tethys’s nightstand upon her return. She wasn’t sure how long she and Araes stayed at the edge of the dock, their toes skimming over the water’s surface, but her eyes were dry now. Not from collecting herself or finding resolve amidst the unknown. No. She’d let the ocean take every thought, everyfeeling, pouring from her eyes until nothing remained.
She’d been broken before. Beaten. Tortured. Raped.
But this? How the fuck would she ever recover from this? That little glass bottle changed everything. Its small cork, so seemingly ordinary, was all that stood between her and the abyss. And this time, there was no safety net to catch her when she plummeted over its ledge.
If Araes ever found out she’d destroy something their love created, would he forgive her? Would she forgive herself? She couldn’t face the aftermath. Not this time.
But it was never supposed to be this way. When she closed her eyes to sleep, it wasn’t this reality she dreamed about. She couldn’t bring herself to touch her abdomen. To feel the little light of life shining there.
How could she possibly tell Araes this truth? She knew down to her bones he’d support her no matter the choice, but Araes was a mortal with an expiration date, and she, too, was fated to meet her demise.
There was pain in heartbreak, and then there wasthis.She couldn’t bear to break Araes’s heart, let alone her own. Would her babe age as mortals did, and she be left without a son? Or would he face immortality and spend an eternity without his father? The complexities of the future were too heavy to bear, and Araes already carried too much of her weight.
But, that golden haired boy came to her time and again.Keep fighting, Mama. It was unclear what side of this battle to choose or who she should fight for.
Take the draught, say nothing, be haunted forever by what could have been. Throw it away. Face the consequences of reckless love, but revel in something made from the best parts of herself. Each choice pulled her in an opposite direction until she could practically feel the threads of her muscle tissue rip apart.
Her hands shook as she pulled the cork from the bottle.Its pop rang through the room like a battle cry.
