“Yes,” he said, smoothing back his hair. Sweat beaded on his brow as he fought to extinguish the wildfire now blazing through him.
Tethys rose to her feet and stepped toward him, meeting his eyes with a concerned expression. Her lips thinned into a line as she reached for him with a palm hovered over his chest, as if she questioned the decision to touch him, and then pressed gently into his tunic.
“I can feel your heartbeat racing, Lieutenant. I don’t know what causes you such distress, but it’s alright. I’m safe. You’re safe,” she whispered, her face a gentle contradiction to her usual hardened expression. Her lips parted at the rapid rise and fall of Araes’s chest.
“I assure you Goddess, I’m fine,” Araes said through shallow breaths, but he was on the brink of losing control. The glistening sweat across his forehead was proof enough, let alone his rapid pulse. The walls of his bedroom constricted and the air felt thick as smoke when he inhaled. Enyo’s face flashed through his mind again, sending him to his knees. Tethys lurched for him as the giant of a man collapsed to the floor.
Araes clawed at his throat now tightening beyond allowing airflow.
He couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t think.
Couldn’t fucking exist.
Black speckles spotted his vision as his lungs burned for oxygen.
He’d had panic attacks before. Especially when he was stationed at his outpost on the Venian border, but this…this was far worse than he’d ever experienced before.
Two cold hands cupped his cheeks and shimmering golden eyes met his. Tethys knelt before him and brushedher thumbs along his tightly clenched jaw.
“Breathe, Araes. Look at me,” she whispered, her golden gleaming eyes blazing into his. His hands shook as he wrapped them around her forearms, entirely at the mercy of those burning irises.
“Good. Another breath.”
He struggled to inflate his lungs, but the coolness of her palms against his cheeks relieved the burning in his throat just enough for air to slowly trickle in.
“Good. One more,” she said, her eyes flashing with a gentle encouragement that felt so foreign to their usual glitter of disgust. The unbearable ache in his chest released and he felt the sweet relief of his lungs fully expanding to take in a breath.
“You’re safe here. Just focus on your breathing,” she said brushing away a stray chestnut curl at his ear.
They kneeled together on the floor until Araes felt like he was able to control his body once again. Without speaking, they took seats opposite each other—Tethys on a lumpy old wingback and Araes at the oakwood desk in the corner.
“Thank you for that, my lady,” Araes murmured, feeling his cheeks warm. How could he have allowed himself to show her such weakness? Such utter loss of control. Shame deepened the pit now burrowing in his stomach.
“You don’t have to tell me what caused such a reaction, but I’d like you to know I’m no stranger to anxiety and panic attacks myself,” Tethys said, tapping a dainty bare foot on the floorboards. The room, once ablaze, now felt cool with the midmorning breeze flowing through the open window. Songbirds chirped their sweet melodies from their perches in his father’s orchard.
“It hasn’t been easy since the war ended. Especially being here, but I assure you it will not happen again,” Araes remarked.
“And if it does, there won’t be even a drop of judgment. I’m sure the nightmares of war change a person far more than they let on,” Tethys said, her features soft in the daylight. She leaned over her knees and looked at him with those infuriatingly beautiful golden eyes. His breath hitched. She reallylookedat him. It was as if she could see every crack and crevice within him. Every shadow that haunted him.
How could she be so gentle, so free of judgment after everything said mere hours ago?You’re no queen of mine. The memory of his anger cut into him once more.
“We should return to the manor,” he said, abruptly rising from his seat. “Before any suspicions arise.”
“Yes, let us depart then,” Tethys replied, her lips narrowing as she, too, rose from her chair.
The songbirds continued their cheery tune as they said their goodbyes. Araes kissed his mother and handed her a note for his sister.
“Please come home again soon, Araes,” his mother said, a tear welling in her eye. Araes grunted a reply before clicking the cottage door shut. He couldn’t bear to face her, not like this. So, he turned his back on his family’s home and left the memories, like demons snarling within its crumbling walls.
Chapter 22
Ariver of rushing blues and greens flooded around her as Tethys clung to the rickety wooden bench at the aft end of the canoe. The ferryman, draped in shredded burlap cloaks, held out a gnarled hand. She risked a glance toward the turbid water’s surface. Swollen limbs and waterlogged fingers clung to the raft, slowing its processional down the river. Tethys sucked in a breath, tremors of terror rushing down her spine. She shouldn’t be here in this godsforsaken place. It stunk of grime and rot and death.
The ferryman hissed, his voice slithering across her face, and gestured to the midnight leather breastplate clasped around her abdomen. She brushed a hand down it, tracing the ridges and valleys of souvenirs left by enemy blades. If she focused on each individual scar, she could almost see a faint glimmer of the creature who’d left that mark. Her nostrils twitched. Gruesome details of the battles she’d faced, the lives she’d stolen, clawed at her heart.
The ferryman dropped his oar, his hooded face illuminated in the glimmering, iridescent light. This place, wherever itwas, felt opaque. As if the sky itself was fractured. He took a slow step toward her, hissing once more. A growl from beside her echoed across the riverbanks. He shook his head, raising a gnarled finger at the jet black beast seated to Tethys’s left.
