“It’ll help.”
How could it possibly help him to talk about it?
Ramsey turned and started back to the living room. Sage stood by the chair, unmoving. “Follow me, Sage. Now.” Sage clenched his hands into fists and did what his alpha demanded.
Sage sat on the edge of the couch, ready to bolt if needed. Every time the Doctor said something, it felt like an attack, even when he was giving his credentials. He knew Dr. Tucker pretty well. He came into the restaurant all the time. Sage could tell the entire room what Dr. Tucker usually ordered, even though he hadn’t been to work since the kidnapping. There were only a few hundred people living in SaintLakes, so he didn’t understand why the Doctor was telling him his damn résumé. And while he was on the topic, he already knew that nothing he said while in the doctor’s presence could be repeated, so he didn’t need to hear that either.
“Now, would you like Ramsey or Estelle to leave the room while we talk?” Doctor Tucker asked.
Sage shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it with you. At all. It really doesn’t matter if they’re here or not.”
Estelle moved from her chair to him. She sat beside him and held out her hand. Sage hesitated before taking it. Some of the anger he felt at being in Dr. Tucker’s presence melted away with the touch.
“This is not an intervention, Sage. If you’re not ready then you don’t have to,” Estelle said.
“I want to be better,” Sage whispered.
“Why are you getting angry, then?”
“Because I can’t. It will make it worse and I’m already barely holding it together.”
“What do you think will happen if you do talk about the rape, Sage?” Dr. Tucker asked.
“I…I’ll cry. I’ll fucking shatter into a million pieces. I’ll think the vampires will come back. I’ve been seeing them around town and I know that’s not possible because Lucas killed the one I always see,” Sage said and took his hand away from Estelle, running them down his thighs.
“Why do you think you see that vampire versus the others?”
“I don’t know. Probably because he was the worst one.”
“What did he do?”
“He made it hurt. I think…I think…he…um…he liked causing pain. He laughed when I screamed, but I couldn’t help it, Alpha.” Sage didn’t want to seem weak in front of Ramsey.
“It’s okay,” Ramsey said.
Sage shook his head, folding down on himself. If he could just get smaller than maybe he wouldn’t have to talk about it anymore.
“What happened after it was over?” The doctor asked him.
“They put me back in the cell with Lucas. Lucas healed me with his witch thing. I would have bled to death if it weren’t for him. He doesn’t think I know that, but I do. I know how much damage they did. I felt it. I would have died. I wanted to. About halfway through, I wished for it. I sometimes still do.”
Everyone was silent except for Sage. Sage couldn’t stop crying, as if something just let loose inside of him. He told them he’d shatter, and he was right. He couldn’t seem to put himself back together.
At some point, he was sure the Alpha left the room and then came back a few minutes later. Sage felt something soft press against his hand. He took it when he noticed how it smelled like cookies, like Garridan.
“What about now?” Dr. Tucker asked. Sage didn’t understand what he was asking and some of that confusion must have shown because the doctor said, “How do you feel right now?”
“Tired. And I want to be near my mate.” That last part was something he hadn’t ever admitted before. “And I just want it all to go away.”
“What do you want to go away?”
“The nightmares. The pain. Everything. I just want to be normal.” Sage straightened, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He clutched the shirt and wondered where Ramsey had gotten it.
“What’s normal for you, Sage?”
“I…I can’t answer that. I don’t know anymore. Maybe this is normal.” Sage shook at the thought.
“Why does that scare you?”
