“I mean, he’s clearly obsessed with you, so why don’t you like him? Is he a creep or something?”
“A creep?”
“Yes, did he pull some creeper stuff in Oregon?”
“No, he’s not a creep, not at all, he’s… great.” He was better than great, he was perfect. His mom, his long-lost mom, was perfect. They are all perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.
Selma was in Hope Falls over the past weekend with her husband to meet Tabitha and had wanted to see Jenna, she’d wanted to meet Blake, but Jenna lied and said she wasn’t feeling well, just like she’d told Deacon since they returned ten days ago.
“So why are you so sad? What’s wrong? Every night you’ve just been coming in here and watching Dawson’s Creek and eating ice cream, you didn’t even do that after you found out about James and Bree.”
Jenna could see her daughter was really worried about her, and she knew she needed to get her shit together. Honestly, she hadn’t even thought Blake would notice that she’d been retreating to her room every night after dinner since that was exactly what Blake did herself.
“I’m just tired.” She wasn’t lying, shewastired. Was that exhaustion tied to the knowledge that the absolute perfect man was basically gift-wrapped on her front porch for her to open, and for some reason she was too broken of a human being to accept him? Maybe. But still, shewastired.
Every time she thought about calling or texting Deacon to maybe try and see if they could be together for real, her entire body froze. She didn’t go into fight or flight, she went into emotional freeze tag, and there was no one to tag her out of it.
She was terrified. No, that wasn’t a big enough word to describe how she’d felt falling asleep in Deacon’s arms after spending the day with him reuniting with his mom. Something flipped in her, a panic switch that just told herto get out. To run. To save herself. Or to save him. Or save Blake. Or to save Tabitha. Save all of them.
But run from what? Terrified of what? She didn’t know. All she knew was every time she thought about texting him, or being with him, her chest got tight, she got dizzy, started hyperventilating, and went into a full-blown panic attack.
So why did she miss him? Why had she cried herself to sleep almost every night? Why had she read every text he’d sent, about a thousand times, even the dirty ones? Because he was sending those again, and she wasn’t reading them for the fun reasons like getting off, she’d just read them because he’d sent them. Why did she wish she had gone to see Selma and meet Selma’s husband? Why did she wish Selma had met Blake?
What was the disconnect between her body, heart, and head? Even her customers were noticing, which was an absolute taboo for her. No one wanted to go sit in the chair of someone who brought in their personal issues. She’d been doing her best to fake it, but that was taking everything out of her thus coming home and watching Dawson’s Creek—every second that she wasn’t at work or eating, or showering, or sleeping.
Her phone buzzed, and she picked it up.
Deacon
I hope you’re feeling better
my mom was sad she missed you and didn’t get to meet Blake
Chuck’s nice, btw, he seems like a good man
let me know if you need anything friend w/ or w/o benefits.
“I saw my name. Does he need me to babysit?”
“No, he was just…his mom came down to meet Tabitha and she was sad she didn’t get to meet you.”
Blake gasped happily. “She wanted to meetme.”
Jenna nodded.
“Why couldn’t I meet her?”
Because your mother is broken.
“I wasn’t feeling up to going over there.”
Blake’s eyes narrowed. “Is that why it looks like a florist in our kitchen? Because youliedabout being sick so we couldn’t go over and I could meet Tabby’s grandma?”
“I didn’t lie.”Fuck.Now she’d just lied again. To her daughter. Someone she’d promised herself she’d never lie to, at least not about important things.
Blake waited, just staring at her mom. It was the same move that Jenna pulled on her. Her own daughter had played an emotional Uno Reverse card on her. She had no choice but to be proud.
“It’s complicated,” Jenna finally said. “But Deacon is not a creep. He’s not. He’s…perfect.”
