She sighed heavily. “I mean, I can see it. Maybe. But you don’t have to excuse him to me. Regardless of how he felt or his reasons, you didn’t deserve what happened to you.” She paused, waiting to pass the truck next to us before continuing.
“Do you feel anything yet? Through his claim?”
I reached up and touched the bite mark—his bite mark—gingerly, the skin warm and pulsing. “I don’t think so.”
“Good, that means he doesn’t know you’re gone yet. But once he figures it out, he will let his anger through, and it’s going to hurt. Eventually, your inner omega will be at war with your head, trying to appease him. Are you due for a heat soon?”
Vesper hopped into the back seat, rummaged around a bit, and then hopped back up to mine, handing me a small, brown paper bag.
“I have your anti-rejection meds, and some heat suppressants if you want them.”
“Wow,” I gasped, giving the crow a scratch as a thank you before taking the bag from him. “You’re very thorough. I don’tthink I’ll need the heat suppressant, though. I, um…” It was a little hard to admit. Going into heats was such a quintessential part of being an omega. If I hadn’t been broken before, I definitely was now.
“I haven’t gone into a heat in almost two years.”
Morgana didn’t react at first, but then she glanced towards me briefly. “Oh?”
I grabbed one of the bottles of water that had been left in the drink holder and took a sip with one of my anti-rejection pills. “Yeah. I was about to go into heat when I saw the news that Victor had gotten married, and then it just sort of stopped and never came back.”
A growl reverberated through her chest. “Men like him give alphas such a bad fucking name. Do you… want to have one? I think there are heat inducers—”
“Oh, he tried that, too,” I chuckled sadly. “It got me on the cusp, but never pushed me over the edge. It’s like my body just shut that part of me down, knowing he wasn’t safe… emotionally and otherwise.
Even though I knew now it wasn’t a betrayal in the sense that he had been intimate with someone else, my hormones weren’t taking any chances with an unfaithful alpha.
“Honestly, Sage, I don’t think there are enough words to say what a vile Magik he is.”
There certainly weren’t.
“In any case,” she continued. “If you change your mind, just let me know. My elf hookup in Elmaris can get you any kind of medication you need.”
I took a deep breath, considering her words. Going into heat without a partner to help me through it—without someone I trusted—felt like asking my body to betray itself all over again, and maybe having the suppressants on hand was better than not.
“Although considering the emotional blockage, witch medicine might be better…” she said, half under her breath. She turned on her blinker, taking an exit for a rest stop.
“Bathroom break, then switching cars,” she informed me as we parked in the nearly empty lot.
I got up, stretched, and then put Ember in the new car before heading toward the restroom to pee.
Being outside, especially in the middle of nowhere, was surreal. For a moment, it felt too big, and I almost dove straight into the new car just to feel walls surrounding me again.
But I didn’t want to be afraid. Instead, I took a moment to close my eyes, counting to ten and getting used to the gentle morning sun on my face, the breeze blowing my hair, and fresh air filling my lungs.
I wasn’t going to let him take this from me, too.
* * *
We stopped again at a small, roadside diner for breakfast, and I was beyond excited to eat something that wasn’t meat or leafy greens—the only things Victor’s chefs ever made for me. I waffled between something spicy or something sweet and finally decided on sweet since breakfast was the only meal of the day where eating what was essentially a dessert wasn’t frowned upon.
“Blueberry pancakes with extra whipped cream and a coffee, please,” I ordered, wiggling in my seat like a toddler when the coffee was placed in front of me minutes later. I dumped two packets of sugar and four little containers of half-and-half into the cup, stirring gleefully.
Morgana chuckled from her seat across from me. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so happy to drink diner coffee before.”
I thought about explaining that Victor didn’t let me drink coffee since it inhibited iron absorption, but I didn’t really want to bring the mood down. And I didn’t want to frame everything I did around him anymore.
“What can I say? I’m a cheap date.”
As we waited for our meals, I thought more about my broken heats, and how, if by some miracle I was able to move on and find someone I felt safe with, I might want to try having one again.
