“I don’t know what you mean.”
“God, do you think I’m stupid?I saw what you were doing in your room on Friday.”
“Nice, so what else do you want to know about me?”he snaps.
I shake my head.“Have you got help?”
He rolls his eyes.
“Does anyone know?For fuck’s sake, Colin, have you got anyone to talk to when you—”
“I don’t need anyone to talk to.”
“Yes, you do.”
He laughs quietly, then bends down to pick up his blazer and turns away.He’s already at the door before I twig.
“No.”My voice cuts through, and he actually stops.“If you do that...if you go, then...”
I can’t see his face, but I see the way his posture shifts.Only millimeters, but they tell me how much he must despise himself for what he did on Friday.
“Olive,” he says, his voice hoarse, and he slowly turns back.
“No, seriously.I’m here, I’m listening, I’m bloody telling you we can do this together, somehow, but if you just walk out again, because it’s getting complicated, then don’t bother coming back.Got that?”
I don’t know why it has to be this way between us.Why we only want to yell at each other or to kiss.Why there’s no middle ground.I should stay calm and collected, but I’m Olive Henderson; I’m all kinds of things, but I’m not that.
And that’s why it works.I see Colin fighting with himself, but I also see that he gets it.That he knows I’m fucking serious.That I forgive him, but I notice it when he hurts me.And that I’m through with him if he does it a second time.It’s not easy, but I have to stay hard.Out of respect for myself and my emotions.
His hand rests on the door handle, but then his shoulders droop.
“How long has it been?”I ask.
He doesn’t answer right away.“Does that matter?”
“Yes, it does.”
He grinds his teeth.“A while.A couple of years, I guess.”
My stomach clenches.“So who else knows?”
“Nobody,” he says curtly.
“What do you mean, nobody?”
“Christ, what part of that is so hard to understand?”
“Your parents?”
He laughs.“Are you kidding me?”
“You don’t think they notice?”
“Olive, they don’t notice anything.Not a thing.”He takes a step toward me and his voice starts to shake.“They have this image of how I have to be, and since they discovered I don’t match it, they’ve stopped even bothering to pretend that they’re interested in me.”
I want to contradict him—I don’t want that to be true—but I don’t know Colin’s parents.I only know him, and to be honest, I don’t find it hard to believe.“Would it help if I said I hate them on your behalf?”
For a second, I actually see the hint of a smile on his face.“Doubtful.”
