She gasps for air.I kiss her quickly on the tip of her nose and roll to one side, even though that’s anything but easy.But she’s still not entirely sober, she had a nightmare, and...I want to get this right.Yes, it’s out there.I don’t want to have a bit of fun with Olive Garden.I want something real, and I can’t expect to have that without some effort on my part.
I get goose bumps as I feel her hand on my chest.Maybe she can sense what she’s doing to me when she runs her fingers over me, or maybe not.
She rests her head on my chest.“That was a kiss,” she announces in the end.
“Your powers of perception are astonishing.”
“I know, Colin.”
Colin.I have to shut my eyes.Not Fantino.That’s what she calls me when I piss her off.And right now, I don’t want to piss her off.Yeah, plot twist.
Her arm is on my stomach, and her fingers are caressing my body.I don’t know how this is possible.Maybe I’m dreaming too.I want to kiss her again.I want to keep holding her, I don’twant it to get light outside because, once it does, there’s a chance that this is all in my head.Right now, though, I’m very certain this is real.
Her hair is tickling my throat, the taste of her is in my mouth, and her body is warm.I don’t know if I’ve ever fallen asleep like this.There was nothing like this with Maresa.There was fucking, followed by turning away.Didn’t faze me, or so I always thought, but maybe I don’t know myself as well as I thought I did.Maybe Olive Garden is awakening something inside me that scares me and makes me braver in equal measure.Maybe I am capable of feeling.Real feelings.And of showing them to her.
She puts her arm over me, scootches closer, and then her head grows heavier against my chest.Mine is heavy too.She’s warm.And I’m not letting her go.I won’t ever let her go.
21
Olive
My head aches.Maybe because I had too much to drink, maybe because last night feels like one long fever dream.Colin Fantino holding my hair while I whitey.Colin Fantino in my bed after the nightmare, the memory of which still sends ice-cold shivers down my spine.Colin Fantino kissing me, hungrily yet incredibly gently, and me falling back to sleep in his arms.
We almost got caught because, suddenly, it was getting light outside, and I now know that Fantino is absolutely useless in the mornings.It’s just as well Ms.Barnett doesn’t come to wake me for the morning run like she does the others, or we’d have been so busted.As it is, he managed to slip up to his own room unnoticed, leaving me time to sit motionless on my bed, staring into space.
I don’t know what this thing between us means.I just know that my belly feels warm when I think of him.Remember the way he held me tight.He was a different Colin from the one who never misses a chance to show everyone what a monster he is.It was a version of him I want to see more of, yet I’m scared that last night was a one-off.That he only treated me that way because Iwas drunk and needed his help.At least in his eyes, because of course I didn’t really need help.I don’t need anybody.But I can’t deny that the way he looked after me felt nice.So I’m weak.Great.
I go down to breakfast feeling nervous because I don’t know if he’ll have pulled the walls back up around himself.
I’m early, and he doesn’t show up for ages, but then, when he walks through the double doors into the dining room—which is buzzing like a beehive, same as every morning—his eyes rest on me first of all.He seeks me out among everyone else, and I feel warm again.
“If you can face eating, that’s some kind of miracle,” he comments, coming to sit next to me.Just like that.Like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
I can’t help smiling.“Get tae fuck, Fantino.”
“Language, Olive, really!”
I jump.That was Mr.Acevedo, who’s just walking behind us.
“Sorry,” I mutter.Colin gloats at me as the teacher moves away again.
“Instant karma,” he says quietly, lowering his gaze to his phone, where he’s tapping in assorted numbers.It takes me a while to grasp that it’s his insulin dose, which he’s setting for his breakfast.
“How do you know what it needs to be?”I ask, without thinking.
Colin looks up wordlessly.
“Sorry for being interested.”He doesn’t need to look so pissed off.
“You get an instinct after a while,” he answers.
“But you don’t even know how much you’re going to eat?”
“Well, I just have to figure that out in advance.”
“What a pain.”
“Very helpful, Olive Garden.Very helpful.”
