“I want to be alone,” I snarl as my bedroom door opens.My voice sounds gruff.I roll over to face the wall, not wanting Dad to see me like this.I’d have sworn he’d be the one to follow me upstairs.But just the firmness with which she shuts the door tells me that it’s my mother sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Olive,” she says.
I wriggle when I feel her hand on my back.“I’m tired.”
“Darling, please.I want to talk to you about something.”
I stare at the wall and don’t move.
“I wanted to tell you that the business between Alexis and me is over.”
The realization that she didn’t come up here to comfort me hits home with unexpected weight.She’s here to reassure herself that I won’t give her away.I could boak.
“You haven’t said anything to your dad, have you?”
I shake my head automatically, then hate myself for it.The upside of fighting for your life in intensive care is that every problem you had before seems less important.But sadly, theydon’t disappear by themselves just because you ignore them for a while.On the contrary.Afterward, they seem bigger than ever.
“Dad deserves to know the truth, Mum,” I mutter.
“You don’t understand, pet.”
“Stop that.”I turn to face her, to look at her.“Stop saying that.You made a mistake, there’s nothing to understand.You’re cheating on him.And you know it.”
Panic fills my mother’s face as I raise my voice with every sentence.She looks as though she wishes she could clamp a hand over my mouth.
“Olive,” she repeats, fighting to keep calm, “you’re right.It was a mistake, and one I regret bitterly.Listen, pet.You can’t want this to break up our family.”
“No, leave me out of this!You did it.It’s nothing to do with me.It’s bad enough that you keep trying to guilt-trip me, make me cover for you.”
“I’ve never tried to make you cover for me.”
“Oh, no?So what was that when you ran after me to beg me not to say anything to Dad?What is this now?How am I meant to react when he looks at me like he does because he knows there’s something I’m keeping from him?”
Mum eyes me coolly.“I would very much appreciate it if you didn’t say anything to your father while I’m trying to rescue this family.”
The tears sting my eyes.“We haven’t been a family for ages, Mum,” I whisper.
She flinches.I’m not sorry.It’s her fault.She and that strangerwho doesn’t give a fuck that he’s destroying families.“How can you say that?”she asks sharply.
“How could you do that?”
“Olive, when you’re an adult, you’ll understand that things aren’t always as simple as you think now.”
“When I’m an adult, I hope I’ll be a loyal woman, not someone who’d betray the people she means something to, just for a bit of fun,” I spit.
Mum looks at me, and in that moment, I understand she doesn’t love Dad anymore.Otherwise, there’s no way she could stay this calm.“I’m very sure you’ll succeed in that, Olive.”
She stands up.I’m struggling to breathe.
They’ll split up.I just know it.It feels like there’s no other option.It’s just a matter of time, and I haven’t the least idea how I’m meant to cope with it.
“Get some rest.It’s been a long day,” Mum says as she leaves my room.
Hate is a very strong word, in my opinion, but there’s no better one to express what I’m feeling for my mother.
My chest is tight, and my heart is racing.I can’t just lie there.I have to do something.But there’s nothing Icando.It’s an unbearable feeling, but it’s true.There’s no way of resolving this situation, and that’s driving me crazy.
I don’t know why I go to the door and open it.Downstairs, I hear Mum’s footsteps followed by a quiet “And?”from Dad.
